Thunder-head

I. Mathematical Shadows

 

The people I went to high school with

weren't really people,

they were ghosts

 

I went to high school with hallways

full of shadows and ghosts

 

When they laid down to sleep, they didn't dream, 

as ghosts don't dream of other ghosts

 

nothing passes through their minds,

and nothing ever happens

thunder clouds moved slowly through their minds

 

 

Mathematical shadows

lay across across the floors of our hallways

 

 

 

II. Darkly Lit

 

One time, in high school, we broke into an old abandoned house. My friend kicked through the door, and a beautiful plume of dust arose and curled up into the air. It arose like a ghost, and we thought we could see a spirit in it, the spirit of the lady who used to live there, but it vanished. We smoked cigarettes, and drank beer, and we spilled beer on the carpet. We wondered if the ghost of the old lady who died there would then arise, and chase us out with a broomstick.

 

My friend knocked out a board that was covering a window, and the bronze fist of the sun punched its way through. Streams of god-like sunlight illuminated the dust, and it lingered silently for a moment. For a moment, there was silence, and there was only thought. As we stood there in the slinece, I swore I could hear the thoughts of the people around me.

 

Darkness threw shadows onto the field, and our shindig slowly morphed into a night party. The darkness rolled across the sky. Lightning Bugs and the fire in the yard were the only glow that lit us. We wandered around, under the gigantic and dark summer sky. The bow of the dark summer sky was slightly illuminated at its edges. And you could smell the wet grass of summer, even through the dark.

 

Autumn was rumbling in. Darkness spread and spread, until it enveloped everything. Like a splotch of black ink spreading across a sheet of white paper. A single solitary ember crackled from a Tiki lamp and trailed up to the heavens. Somebody said that Maura was on her way to the party. There, I promised to tell her that I was madly in love with her. I would do it. I would just do it right there, all among the musty shag carpets, the fire-smell and the spilled beer. I never did, though, and she just left for college that Autumn. Like a ghost she vanished, and was gone.

 

 

Author's Note

This is a tale of the teenage years. It is meant to have a bit of a gothic feel of a vivid red rose on a black background. The beauty in the dark, as it were. I like for some of my writing to have a "dark and clear" feel to it.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I see you did a poetic theme into a story line of a narrative to accent this read of yours to the audience...and the whole conclusion seems to fit together...thanks for the invite...just busy with my copy writer work and my RR's just keep piling up to an above the water mark...I'm sinking to catch up...

[Samuel Pennell]

Glen-Whenever you want is fine with me! -Sam

[Glen Yumang Manese]

thanks for understanding...the next few months will be busy for me...

[rutherford]

Well crafted combination of one part poem and one part prose poem. The theme of ghosts works so well in your pen. My favorite line: "almost seemed as though I could hear the thoughts of those around me." Adding this one to the library.

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you Rutherford. I was really shooting for a feel of darkness and beauty on this one. These are two themes that I am fascinated with. Girls who seem to possess that really fascinate me as well. Michelle Trachtenberg really seemed to have it in the movie "Take Me Home Tonight." One of my favorite pictures:

http://movies.about.com/od/takemehometonight/ig/Take-Me-Home-Tonight-Photos/Michelle-Trachtenberg-Picture.htm

Thanks so much for reading!

[chris36]

I like the feeling that you put into your writing and I am a big proponent of descriptive writing....good job.

[Samuel Pennell]

Chris-I really enjoy the descriptive writing as well. Plot to me is kind of forced and unnatural. It is kind of overrated. When do you, I or any normal people ever go on a big, huge, contrived adventure? It just seems a little unrealistic. Thanks for reading!

[Baby Ricochet]

I like the ghost angle. Good job

[Samuel Pennell]

Thanks, Ricochet! I really liked working that theme into it myself. It really seemed to fit the atmosphere.

[Douglas White]

I have to disagree with Cord about changes. The first part actually resonated very strongly with me. Although high school was many years ago for me (in the mid to late 80's), I still clearly remember looking around at those people and wondering if they were really people and not some plastic fakes. They sure as hell acted like it with all the posing and primping. Most of the time I felt like I was trapped in a mannequin factory.

The second part also brought back memories for me. I think, at some point, every teenager finds the abandoned house/building to party in, or at least explore. Always dusty, dirty, with that mildewy smell that creeps into your clothes.

Other than maybe adding a few more details (which is totally optional, this stands as-is), I wouldn't make any major changes. I think you would be surprised at how many people can relate. Great write!

[Samuel Pennell]

Thanks, Doug! I appreciate someone who really connects with my writing. It felt like I was really writing about a distinct and unfortunate time. It really seems like such a waste of time, the way that teenagers act, and what they do. It is odd to think of your classmates as ghosts floating down the halls, but it's true. Thanks for not suggesting any changes-I thought it was pretty pure as is. It was a pure expression, and i don't really think that I should necessarily take it in another direction. It sort of is what it is. What a strange time. Kids could be having fun, but they aren't-they are acting depressed.

[Dayran]

I can see now where we store all the things we wanted to do and never did ... in the haunt of memories shut down with boards. But it is nice to let the sun shine through ain't it? Good one Sam.

[Samuel Pennell]

All the things we wanted to do, and never did. I like that. Those were the ghosts of high school. So sad. It's weird-I'm going back and watching movies about high school that I saw when I was a little kid (before high school) and realizing how despressed those kids were too. I never saw it until I became an adult. I was convinced that they were having such fun, and so would I, but it now looks to me like they were quite depressed. Interesting that you don't see it. The train wreck that is coming and the ghosts.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

"nothing passes through their minds,
and nothing ever happens."

I believe this also happens to students in a math class. Haha. I love the simplicity of your writing. Its depth speaks so much for itself. :x

[Samuel Pennell]

Very true! They are empty headed. A thunder storm in their heads. Ghosts.

[.]

Dear Samuel,
I really enjoyed reading your writing. In Thunder-head, I enjoyed the stagnant yet eerie theme I felt when you talked about the "people" in high school. As for The Haunted House, I loved your sensory detail and depiction of teenage curiosities because I felt we could all relate to that in some form or another. The only suggestions I have to help you make your work even stronger would be to use more description of your characters. In the first part, describe the presence of the ghost more, and why they don't dream. As for The Haunted House, I wanted to know more about Maura. Overall, there is a ton of potential here, and I hope this helped. Let me know if you have any questions. Cheers!

-Cord