The Woman Break

A solitary mans commute home in New York City.

The Woman Break

It was the coldest day in the middle of winter. The weather that year was setting records. Coldest, longest, most brutal.  The sun was out that day, which often makes for a more bone chilling affair then when there are clouds to keep the heat down in the atmosphere. There was still a blanket of snow from the night before. Five inches. Enough to slow the city down but not enough to entirely bring it to a standstill.

Wind drove its way through the buildings and fiercely down the streets. People covered their faces and turned away with a desperate hope to somehow escape its effects. The streets themselves were filled with walls of people and vehicles carrying their inhabitants home for the weekend. 

He was walking towards Grand Central looking more and more forward to his two day reprieve with every step. A taxi drove by and splashed the sidewalk beside him with dead gray snow, the type only seen in cities such as this. It splashed at his shoes but otherwise left him unaffected. He walked past a store with a family coming out. They were carrying bags full of what the children had scribbled down on letters to be sent North. However their wishes were really granted later that night by the same people who put them to bed. Before the door closed his ear caught a glimpse of Christmas music. He smiled. Only a few more blocks. There were clouds moving back in from the east over the river. The buildings had shadows cast across them as the sun sunk down to avoid the oncoming clouds.

The doors of the station were held open by a continuous onslaught of people pushing through them on their way home. He walked down the ramp away from them. Most of the people were headed to trains bound for places like Long Island or New Haven. He however was just headed to the subway. Back to Brooklyn. One day he knew he would be boarding these other trains. It felt good to be inside away from the wind tunnels of the street. He decided to stop and get a coffee for the train ride home.

On Fridays at this time the same woman always worked at the coffee shop. She had dark black hair and a heavily tattooed right arm. She smiled at him as he placed his order. The same as always, well in the winter months that is. In the summer it was iced.  He payed and walked away.

The mass of people slowed his way to the subway. He didn't mind it gave him time to think. He wondered if Tiffany, one of the secretaries, would like the guy she was seeing that night. He never told her but he thought none of them deserved her, a goddess.  Today she had been wearing a necklace from one man and earrings from another. Both diamonds. The necklace draped across her chest like silk. He would occasionally see her face in a window or off in the distance and start towards her before she vanished.  

He remembered her first day. The way she smiled at him when he shook her hand. The way she bent over to pick up the papers she dropped from nerves. He'd remembered that countless nights.

He walked down into the subway and stood at the far end of the tracks. A young couple held hands next to him. They couldn't take their eyes off each other. Totally unaware of the world around them. He thought to himself that if he pushed the old woman on his other side into the oncoming train that they would barely even break eye contact.

He boarded the train and pushed his way to the far left up so he could look out at the track just after the train ran over it.  Often he saw rats run across the tracks having narrowly escaped the painful death that the train may have meant for them.  He looked at his reflection in the window for a second. Then he saw her. She was right behind him. Did she blow off her date and follow him down into the tunnels below the city, finally to tell him how she really felt?  He turned around but she was gone.  He turned back to the window.

He got off the train and threw his coffee onto the tracks as it pulled out of the station. He ascended the stairs back up to the street level. He walked slowly away from the station past old brick structures. Four more blocks. The steps to his building had yet to be cleaned. He lived on the 5th floor. There were 10 total.

He opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside taking off his jacket and dress shirt. He walked to the kitchen and poured a drink. Harder than the one he had bought earlier.

He went into the room he kept his mattress in. Out of the closet he pulled a box. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes and headed back out the door and up to the roof. He stood there as the wind blew across him. He turned away from it and used his had as a shield for his lighter. He took another drink. He assembled the contents of the box and placed his cigarette on the snow covered ledge. 

He picked up the item he had put together and looked through the scope at the street below him. He located the couple from the train. Hands still locked together. He took a breath and fired. The young man dropped to the ground. He exhaled. He knew he wasn't good enough for her.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

I like a lot of what you have going on here. The descriptive writing. The relatable narration. The subtle hints. It's a bit rough - I assume this is a somewhat early draft. With a little tidying, this will really be strong story. I really liked the Christmas touched you added. And the way you communicated the man - I could definitely believe he's a real person. Very good work here.

[Sam Phillips]

Thanks man. But yeah I wrote this at 2 am and have not edited it past some spelling since then.