The funny thing about man

My husband, Allan.
You know how you go on a first date and this guy seems like the man of your dreams. He opens the car door for you, pay for dinner, doesn't scratch himself-- if you know what I mean? Inside your head you "Well, god d****t if finally found a keeper!"

WRONG.

Let me give you a little history lesson. Take my husband Allan for instance. He was charming, sweet, and handsome. Key word "was" Let's just skip all the mumbo jumbo and fast forward about.. well.... fifteen years.

So after two house, a way due divorce, a pet dog, two cars and his little cheating scandal, he began to let himself go. I know what you are think, "What does that have to do with anything?" But if you just hold your horses I am going to get to it.

Allan always had these "habits" more like my pet peeves. He uses to sucks his teeth at the table (Sucks teeth) Annoying. Then he started with his coffee addiction. That drove me over the edge.

Don't even get me started on the way he liked to mumble his words to the point you had to strain your hearing to only hear, "We're out of milk."

I tried my best to be the good wife I was expected to be, so I kept my mouth shut. Until one night. So it's valentine's day and I come home from grocery shopping and I see Allan on the couch, lyin' down chewing his tobacco and watching jeopardy. He like to chew like a cow, almost gnawing the small bit in his mouth, I ignore it and began cooking our romantic dinner. Mid way I finally broke, "Why do you always do this! It's valentine's day and you still have the nerve to be a fat lump on the log!"

"Val- you are over reacting like usual"

Over reacting? I was clearly not over reacting. I walked over towards him and tripped I hit over the head with my pan. Talk about a bloody valentine's day! (Laughs) My poor husband was on the floor staining my beautiful Persian rug. I understand being  all decrotive for valentine's day but, for christ's sake don't dye the carpet red too! First, the teeth thing, the coffee slurping, then the chewing like a cow and now bleeding on my carpets! Do you know how hard it is to clean a Persian rug?