thoughts form the ruins ...

an attempt to pen down a short summary of my life ...

haunting memories of the dark room where i spent most of my childhood. when i was young i was a normal child with less ambitions and more dreams, i wasn't really good at anything and whatever i was good at, wasn't really good for anyone around me.
i lived a panaroid life at school and at home too, made mistakes at every step of my life, but never bothered to put the right foot and step right. i was beaten up for every wrong i did, i used to be punished and locked in the dark room, my loneliness became my only companion.
as i was growing up i was becoming a rebel from the outside and still paranoid in the inside. fights, disputes, politics, properties, disagreements, greed, jealousy, hatred and spite were the first few things i learnt around me. an irregular head and a restless heart made me a wanderer, a nomad, a vagabond and a traveller in my own way and thoughts.
i started to hate everything around me, i had to take the help of heroin, cocaine and sleeping pills to punish myself, blaming me for all the wrongs happening around me. these drugs were killing me slow but the pain and the anger in me kept me going, i lost myself in isolation and depression of bieng left out in a crowd of millions.
despite of the fact that today i am a changed person i stand nowhere, somewhere inside me there's still some kinda restlessness, seems like nothing's really changed, i still feel the pain of getting betrayed, i still feel like a shell thrown away by the waves in the ocean, there's still someone in who tells me that my journey haven't ended yet.
i guess my journey has just begun ........
those voices are still so clear in my head, the schizophrenic in me explains the fact that there was never a dark room, matter of fact the dark room was in my head.
i am still in search of my path my road my journey, walking through the streets of shame, path of loneliness, road of pain, and journey of faliure. the remains are my thoughts from the ruins .... ... .. .
sAM

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

All of us learn in our own way. No easy way to know what we need and want. Kids need attention and the freedom to think and run. Hard to find real goals and things to believe in. Your story is dark. Failures are just lessons to make us make less later. Few perfect people. Just people trying to find reason and purpose to be alive. Thank you for the story. Good to write words down. Somehow we gain a understanding of who we are and what we need. This is more a story than a poem. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and life.
Coyote

[sAM]

those are really kind words from you ... i would appriciate if you would correct me in my write ups ... thank ya