Early Morning Blues(lampshade blues)

A Poem by sam

something i probably wrote for a girl I liked in highschool but would never be able to get

Changing into new clothes on I-5, carefully trying not to wake my diplomat sleeping next to me. He's bothering me, with his insane demands. I promise you one day I'll find a way to love you again. I think about you everyday girl. In the cool early mornings when I'm just coming down from something. I blink my eyes and fix my jaw and I see you. And you're as beautiful as ever with your black hair and your morals and your playwrights and I just can't seem to keep up with you. You live in Twin Peaks and know the names of everybody there, even the people you don't like. My cigarette flame is the only light I got right now babe, sorry if my letter comes out a bit messy. She means nothing to me. I don't know how many times I gotta tell you. She means nothing. Christ, you're the only girl in the world who fell for an idiot like me. That's right baby sometimes you're a damn fool. Stumbling through the house feeling for your body. I can't find it. I can't find you. Why aren't you here? I gave you my whole life, everything I ever owned. God I'm writing like an old Victorian queen now. My hand is sure to fall off at any second. I can hear the highway from my hotel room. It doesn't sound pretty and it ain't like the sound of the crickets outside your bedroom. Remember when we both had to cram ourselves in that tiny bed to fit? We aren't fourteen anymore. I'm sorry for holding you so tight, I was worried you'd leave. Touching your chest with a shaky hand, I feel the warmth from your heart burning through your skin-A tell tale sign I should have never let you go. But I wasn't raised right or something because now you're gone, you took your heart with you. I'll make you mine someday, I'll make it right. The world is no good for a poor boy like me, I need you by my side, reminding me to smile and take my medicine. The folks that stayed in this room before me are probably long gone. I don't mean dead, no, I mean they're probably miles away from this room of buzzing lamp and marked walls. I still refer to you as my girl. My girl loves dope and mahogany and speaking French. That's what made me fall you girl, your French tongue and crimson heels. No that probably wasn't it. I probably saw the way you carried yourself and the way you fit into your nice new dress and knew I'd be a stupid fool the rest of my life if I let you go. And now you've made me feel like an old man and I'm not even twenty-five. I heard from a friend of a friend that you were leaving, moving back to where you came from. We'll I'm sorry girl, that things didn't work out. I offered to give you money and a warm bed but I guess I just didn't make you happy. Well I see you from across the room and I think; 'C'mon feet don't fail me now, tell that once-in-a-lifetime girl that you love her before she takes that one-way ticket back home. I know you're a little drunk and out of your element but you changed your clothes on the f*****g freeway for her. Man up and say something.' But by the time I look up she's gone and I've been missing her ever since. What would I have said? "My door is always unlocked baby, come back anytime."