Prologue

           Waves of villagers rolled through the gates of Cobwest Castle in hopes that they may catch a glimpse of their new princess. King Morgan and Queen Clarissa sat up straight upon their thrones in the great hall, and smiled brightly amongst the members of their kingdom. The kingdom of Grimmland was small, and everyone was able to attend the celebration of the newborn princess. As the last of the guests tumbled in, the queen nodded her head at the heralds, and they began to blow their horns. The blaring noise grasped everyone’s attention and they all separated in half, positioning themselves on either side of the red carpet. The noise of the horns died away and the main herald declared, “We will now welcome the rulers of our neighboring lands.”

           His voice bounced off the stone walls and the king and queen arose as the herald began to read off a white scroll. “We welcome Lord and Lady White of Etoway and their daughter, Snow.” A white carriage pulled up in front of the gate and a tall, thin man stepped out followed by a petite woman carrying a small child. The child had skin as white as snow, lips as red as a rose, and hair as black as ebony. The lord and lady walked across the red carpet all the way down by the throne of the king and queen. They stepped to the side and waited for the next guests to be announced.

           The voice of the herald once again exclaimed, “We welcome King Lorien and Queen Grace of Magnolia.” Another carriage approached the gate and the King of Magnolia came out with his pregnant wife following close behind him. Just as the Lord and Lady of Etoway had, they also walked down the carpet and stood beside the throne.

           The final welcome ended with King Terrence and Queen Marion of Astrancia. Everyone was silent as the rulers took their place beside the throne. It was well known that the king and queen of Astrancia’s daughter had recently been put under a sleeping curse by the evil fairy, Maleficent. The curse said she would sleep for one hundred years, and now she slept in the tallest tower of Astrancia’s castle. She became known throughout the land as the Sleeping Beauty.

           The herald put up his trumpet once more and then proclaimed, “We now bow down to King Morgan and Queen Clarissa of Grimmland. All hail Grimmland!”

           “All hail Grimmland,” the crowd repeated. King Morgan smiled and said, “Please rise. My queen and I would like to thank everyone who came to the ceremony today. Whether you came from near or far we are glad you have come to celebrate the birth of the new princess, Adelaide.”  Everyone cheered and the king put his hands up signaling complete silence so he could continue to speak. “My fellow subjects, I would now like to begin the ceremony.” The guests prepared for the traditional service. Soon the three kingdoms would each give their gift to the princess, welcoming her into the royal family.

          The king sat down in his throne and the king and queen of Etoway approached the cradle placed beside Queen Clarissa.

           “Dearest princess, we would like to give you this music box. It plays the song of Etoway. May it remind you that we are always on your side, and you can always count on us.” The queen of Etoway placed the music box inside of the cradle. It was white with sparkling gold designs twisting around it giving it an elegant spirit.

           Next, the king and queen of Magnolia stepped forward and looked down into the cradle. The king began to speak, “Princess, the gift we give to welcome you into this world is a journal. We hope you put it to good use. On the cover we had a white flower engraved, the symbol of Magnolia. May it remind you that help is near.” The queen of Magnolia placed the journal down next to the music box and stepped back allowing the next kingdom to give their gift.

           Finally, the king and queen of Astrancia walked next to the newborn princess and the queen said, “We have gotten a spell from one of the fairies in our land. When I sprinkle this fairy dust on you, you will be beautiful just like our daughter, the Sleeping Beauty, was.” The queen reached into a small pouch and pulled out a pinch of pink fairy dust sprinkling it over the princess.

           The rulers of Magnolia returned to their place beside the others and King Morgan and Queen Clarissa got up from their throne. “Thank you,” the queen said, “For all of your wonderful gifts. We know Adelaide will cherish them forever.”

           The queen smiled at the rulers of the different kingdoms, and Morgan chimed in, “We welcome Adelaide, Princess of Grimmland. May she grow up to be a fine ruler over this land.”

           As the king finished his words the doors of the great hall closed and locked. The air became colder. Purple smoke gathered in the center of the room, creating the silhouette of a human. A cackle rang throughout the hall, “Why wasn’t I invited to the party?” The smoke disintegrated and a woman with a long black dress stood in its place.

           Fear overcame everyone and citizens began to whisper, “It’s Madame Zora.”

           “Zora, why are you here?” King Morgan demanded.

           “Why am I here? I don’t know. Why am I here?” She said putting her finger up to her chin pretending to think. “Oh yes! Now I remember. I have something to give your child.”

           “You will come nowhere near my child,” he argued as Queen Clarissa picked up Adelaide out of her cradle attempting to shield her from the sorceress.

           “That’s fine Morgan I don’t have to touch her,” she explained. “So shall I give her my gift now?”

           “Zora, I’m warning you.”

           “Oh come on Morgan. What can you do to me? I’m way more powerful than you.”

           “What is it that you want from us?” King Morgan ordered.

           “I would like you to shut your mouth so that I can give the princess my present.” Every word she spoke possessed a small hint of irony, a small hint of evil. “Now don’t interrupt me again or I’ll have to shut you up myself, and I’m really not in the mood to fight.”

           The sorceress marched forward. Her heels clicked against the stone floor, a purple cloak trailing behind her. Queen Clarissa pulled the baby closer to her chest in hopes that the magic wouldn’t make it through the protection of her arms. “So the gift,” Zora smirked, “let’s begin.”

           Madame Zora’s voice became smoother and the amethyst amulet around her neck began to glow as she recited,

“Sixteen years from now on the night of your wedding ball,

A great power will come and your world will fall.

There will be no hope, no love, only fear,

As you lose everyone that you hold dear.

Only one will win and it won’t be you,

Your dream of terror will come true.”

           The hall froze and a tear traveled down the queen’s face, “Get out,” she croaked.

            The sorceress walked back to the spot from which she had appeared. She turned around and taunted, “It’s a prophecy. Learn it. Love it. Because you can’t run from it.” The woman snapped her fingers and disappeared into a puff of magical, purple smoke.

 *Thirteen Years Later*

          Everyone had forgotten about the prophecy that had been told by the wicked Madame Zora. They were all too busy rejoicing for the princess’ wedding ball. The great hall was decorated from ceiling to floor in lights and banners, for tonight was the night the princess would choose whom she would marry. Music echoed throughout the hall and the guests danced through the night.           

           The king and queen were settled in their throne watching everyone including their daughter, Adelaide, dance the night away. In the center of the crowd Adelaide wore a magnificent purple ball gown that sparkled from the reflection of the candles placed around the room. Her honey-blonde hair was put up in a bun. A tiara was sitting in front of it. The young man she danced with was the Prince of Astrancia. He was tall with nicely combed copper hair.

           She had been dancing with him through almost four songs now, and no one dared to cut in. They talked and laughed together, and found they made a perfect couple. He could be the man she chose to marry. He made her feel special, the way he should.

           The waltz they had been dancing to ended. They both bowed and looked at each other happily. “I choose you.”

           “For what?” he smiled.

           “William, will you marry me?”

           “My lady, of course I will,” he said taking another bow and kissing her gently on the mouth.

           “Let’s go tell my parents,” Adelaide enthused. She took William by the hand and he walked with her to where her parents were sitting.

           “Mother, Father,” she began. “I’ve chosen a husband, Prince William of Astrancia.”

           They smiled and hugged both William and Adelaide. “Shall we announce it?” Queen Clarissa asked.

           The queen nodded at the herald and he blew his horn. “Hear ye, hear ye, Princess Adelaide has chosen a husband, William, Prince of Astrancia!” The crowd cheered, and Adelaide hugged her soon to be husband.

           The guests quickly stopped clapping as the temperature of the great hall began to go down, and the doors shut and locked. The flames of the candles turned violet. A cloud of purple smoke formed in the center of the room creating the silhouette of a human. Fear overcame the hall and everyone took several steps back. King Morgan’s eyes widened and he whispered under his breath, “Madame Zora.” Queen Clarissa grabbed her daughter and pulled her close, once again trying to protect her from the evil magic the sorceress possessed.

           The smoke evaporated into the air and a pale woman with a long black dress appeared. “Zora! What are you doing here?” The king shouted.

           “Why I came to fulfill the prophecy,” she cackled.

           “There will be no fulfilling of any prophecy tonight. Guards!” Palace guards rushed from everywhere in the room and charged towards the sorceress that stood there. As they reached out to grab Madame Zora she disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The guards lowered their weapons in confusion. The king looked at where the woman had disappeared and whispered. “Where did she go?”

           “I’m right here Morgan,” a voice rang through the hall. Everyone screamed again and ran for the doors yanking on the handles. “I came here to fulfill a prophecy, and a prophecy I shall fulfill.”

           “Father, what is she talking about?” Adelaide asked, worried.

           “Nothing darling, everything’s fine,” he lied.

           “Morgan I am shocked! What kind of father doesn’t tell his own daughter about her fate? Poor parenting I really would have to say,” the voice mocked.

           “Zora! Leave now!” Morgan commanded.

           “You seriously thought that was going to work? Really Morgan? Really? That is pathetic. Oh well, I guess I should get started.” A bright purple light filled the room and Adelaide could see magic generate inside of it. “I enjoy our little talks Morgan. I’ll be sad to see them go.” A zap of similar colored lightning came out of all the light, and struck King Morgan in the chest. He put his hand to his chest and fell to the floor by his throne, dead. Another bolt of purple lightning shot out of the cloud, this time hitting Queen Clarissa, killing her as well.

           The light continued to linger in the room as Madame Zora once again appeared in person in the center. Adelaide was in too much shock to say anything; all she could do was let the tears run past her cheeks and off her pale chin. “It’s sad isn’t it?” The sorceress grinned. “I guess now we’ll just have to find a new ruler.” Madame Zora walked over to the queen’s dead body and pulled the crown off her head. More tears streamed down Adelaide’s face as Zora placed the crown on her black hair. Madame Zora moved her hand and more zaps of lighting came and began to kill guards one by one.

           William stepped forward and pushed Adelaide out of the way causing her to trip on her dress and fall to the floor. He took a sword from one of the dead guards and plunged toward Madame Zora. She noticed him before he could harm her, and she sent purple lightning after him as well. The tip of the sword he was holding had stabbed through the chain of the sorceress’s amulet and the jewel fell to the ground with him.

           Madame Zora looked at the dead prince at her feet and sneered. “Foolish boy, you can’t kill me.” Still on the ground and at a loss for words Adelaide looked at the amethyst amulet lying on the ground. The sorceress hadn’t noticed it fall.

           Madame Zora walked into the crowd, away from Adelaide, and exclaimed, “I take possession of the throne of Grimmland. You will now address me only as Queen Zora and nothing else. If one is found calling me by a different name they will be beheaded. You will abide by all of my rules or be beheaded.” Queen Zora continued to give off her new rules to the citizens of Grimmland, and Adelaide crawled towards the amulet lying on the floor by her parents. She reached out her hand and grabbed the gem holding it tightly in her fist. She got up quietly and headed towards the front door of the great hall.

           Adelaide made her way through the crowd trying her best to stay as far away from Queen Zora as possible. Finally, she made it to the front doors of the castle. Even though the new queen had locked them Adelaide knew another way out. She pulled out one of the stones making up the frame of the door. Inside the hole was a key. She reached inside and pulled out the large key.

           Adelaide put the brick back into the hole, and headed to the back of the hall behind the thrones. She rushed to the back door and turned the key as hard as she could to the left until it made a clicking noise. Looking over the crowd she could see Queen Zora paying no attention to what was going on behind her.

           Adelaide opened the door making a crack just big enough for her to slip through. She closed the door behind her and tossed the key into the bushes. Adelaide picked up the skirt of her gown and ran off into the woods in front of her. Tears streamed down her face again, but she kept running. She was never going back.

          When she felt as though she was far enough away from the castle Adelaide slowed down to a walking speed. She looked down and opened her hand to look at the amethyst amulet. She held the jewel up in front of the moonlight and inspected it thoroughly. The amethyst was cut into a square shape, almost as if it was meant to be an emerald instead of the purple gem it was. It was inside a silver wire-like case that was attached to the chain. Adelaide observed her new finding for a bit longer before hearing a twig snap behind her.

           She jerked around quickly to find a tall and thin young woman standing behind her. “Sorry,” she said sweetly, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

           “It’s alright,” Adelaide assured her, “I thought you were the queen.”

           “The queen?” She asked confused. “Why would you be afraid of the queen?”

            “She killed my parents, palace guards, and the man I was going to marry.”

           “Queen Clarissa? She would never do that.”

           “It wasn’t Queen Clarissa; she’s the one that was killed.”

           “What? I’m not sure I understand.”

           “My apologies,” Adelaide answered. “Grimmland has been taken.”

           “By whom?”

           “Queen Zora. She killed Queen Clarissa, King Morgan, and the Prince of Astrancia.”

           “Wait, didn’t you say Queen Zora killed your parents.”

           “Yes,” she added. “I am Princess Adelaide.”

           The young woman looked astonished as she pulled off her red hood, “I am so sorry Princess. I’m afraid I didn’t recognize you.”

         “That’s alright,” Adelaide replied. “Do you happen to know of anywhere safe I can stay the night?”

         “You can stay with me. I have a cottage here in the woods.”

         “May I?"

         “Of course,”

         “Are you on your way there now?” Adelaide asked.

         “Yes, I was just returning home from my grandmother’s.”

         “Thank you. I promise I will be gone by morning.”

         “You can stay as long as you like,” the young woman assured her.

         “Are you sure it isn’t any trouble?”

         “It’s no trouble at all,” she said as they walked together. “By the way I’m Kristine, but most people call me Red.”

           

           

           

           

 

Author's Note

I'm still editing the grammar and stuff so ignore that. Tell me more about how you would react if you were a member of Grimmland. Also tell me if you think this a good idea or not, let me know if you hate it or love it, or in between. Enjoy!

Reviews

[Charlotte Jensen]

Alright, I really like the concept of the story, and overall you did an excellent job describing everything in an interesting way. I definitely want more. :D There were a few errors/things that were off that I though could be improved upon if you really want brutal honesty.

You described the first guest Queen and King in appearance as well but not the second two in as much detail

"“All hail Grimmland,” the crowd repeated."
Enthusiasm? Sounds like they're saying it in monotone.

"My queen and I would like to thank everyone who came to the ceremony today. Whether you came from near or far we are glad you have come to celebrate the birth of the new princess, Arielle." Repeat come or came too much

"“My fellow subjects, I would now like to begin the ceremony.” The guests prepared for the traditional service. (How did they prepare?)Soon the three kingdoms would each give their gift to the princess, welcoming her into the royal family."
Do not say soon if they are going to do it now

"May she grow up to be a fine dictator over this land.”
Use a different word besides dictator, it makes her sound cruel

"Only one will win and it won’t be you"
This line sounds weird, kind of more unofficial sounding than the rest

"They were all too busy rejoicing for the princess’s wedding ball."
rejoicing about the princess' wedding ball

"The king and queen were settled in their throne watching everyone including their daughter, Arielle, dance the night away."
Comma between everyone and including

“I choose you.”
“For what?” he smiled.
“William, will you marry me?”
Add excitement to this part and the whole announcing-of-whom-I've-chosen-to-marry part. Hello! She's getting married! Get excited!

“There will be no fulfilling of any prophecy tonight. Guards!” Palace guards rushed from everywhere in the room and charged towards the sorceress that stood there. As they reached out to grab Madame Zora she disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The guards lowered their weapons in confusion. The king looked at where the woman had disappeared and whispered. “Where did she go?”
Add more reactions from the rest of the people, actually you could do with more reactions from the rest of the people in the room throughout at the really wow-that-just-happened parts

“You seriously thought that was going to work?
You seriously think that's going to work

"A bright purple light filled the room and Arielle could see magic generate inside of it. “I enjoy our little talks Morgan. I’ll be sad to see them go.” A zap of similar colored lightning came out of all the light"
The light filled the room and he was zapped from all the light? So all over the room zapped him? What?

"He put his hand to his chest and fell to the floor by his throne, dead. Another bolt of purple lightning shot out of the cloud, this time hitting Queen Clarissa, killing her as well."
See, like this, you need a reaction from the rest of the people in the room. And one from her future husband.

"William stepped forward and pushed Arielle out of the way causing her to trip on her dress and fall to the floor."
Indicate more of an immediate threat to her to cause this, you simply say she is killing the guards. Shoving someone down seems rash.

"The tip of the sword he was holding had stabbed through the chain of the sorceress’s amulet"
Perhaps you should say, "However, the tip of the sword did manage to stab through..."

"Inside the hole was a key. She reached inside and pulled out the large key."
Don't repeat the word key

"Looking over the crowd she could see Queen Zora paying no attention to what was going on behind her."
No one else is paying attention to her either?

“Queen Zora. She killed Queen Clarissa, King Morgan, and the Prince of Astrancia.”
More of an emotional reaction from both of them by the statement of murder

[Selena Cane]

Thank you so much! I did notice the one about the key when editing I figured I would just fix it last when I found another way to say it. I agreed there does need to be more reactions. Those are all excellent points. I will take a look at all of those when I get the chance. If you don't mind, can you tell me how you think you would react as a member of the kingdom. Thanks again!

[Charlotte Jensen]

Okay, here is a day in the life of a member of your kingdom. A sad day. :(

“There will be no fulfilling of any prophecy tonight. Guards!” Palace guards rushed from everywhere in the room and charged towards the sorceress that stood there. As they reached out to grab Madame Zora she disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The guards lowered their weapons in confusion. The king looked at where the woman had disappeared and whispered. “Where did she go?”
They'll be cowering and trying to stay far back and behind the guards. The people are probably looking around, since she just disappeared. They may even look to the queen and king for guidance.

I back into my husband standing next to me as the evil looking woman looms in the center of the room. He grabs my shoulders to keep my body steady, then embraces me from behind, trying to protect me. The king calls for the guards and we move out of their way as they shove through the crowd to get to the woman. I hear my husband's ragged breathing behind me and worry crosses into my mind. I watch helplessly as they approach her menacing purple cloud when suddenly, the woman called Zora vanishes. The guards look around, confused. I glance over my shoulder and to my sides, circling the room with my gaze trying desperately to locate the dangerous menace. I notice others doing the same, but no one sees anything. I look to the king and queen but find them also baffled. What hope do we have where even our brave leaders are lost?


"He put his hand to his chest and fell to the floor by his throne, dead. Another bolt of purple lightning shot out of the cloud, this time hitting Queen Clarissa, killing her as well."
Cue gasping crowd. Adding crying. People bent over in despair. Falling to their knees out of sorrow. Shock. Maybe look at the guards or Zora or Arielle. (Which Zora probably wouldn't like so depending on how extreme you make the crowds reactions you may have to make Zora react to their reactions.)

Zora shoots what looks to be purple lightning at our beloved king and he falls to the floor. I cup my hands over my mouth and cringe. I hear my husband gasp and he winces. The king stops moving then, dead still. Tears well up in my eyes. Our king, our kind leader, the whole kingdom will soon be brought down by Zora. Sobs fill the air. Where before a few cried, now few keep their faces dry. As if that hadn't been enough, more lightning sparks out from Zora, striking Queen Clarissa, and she collapses, dead. I fall to the floor on my knees in despair and I hear my husband moan. I cover my face with my hands and allow the tears to fall. We are all doomed. I feel my husband behind me trying to drag me to my feet. I look up and see Zora looking menacingly at all of us. I stand up and wipe my face, trying to avoid being noticed, but water still floods from my eyes.


When Zora turns her attention on them and starts bossing them around they'll be terrified, of course.

[Anne Hudson]

I'm so sorry, I meant Emilie. Have a great day

[Selena Cane]

Which Emilie? Emilie as in Emily or Emilie where it ends like lie as in i told a lie?

[Anne Hudson]

Emilie as in I told a lie

[Anne Hudson]

It's nice to hear from you again. I enjoy your chapter every time I read it. It has a great twist to things and I'm hoping to hear more to your amazing world. With your name thing, I understand how someone might think you got it from Disney. I think Emilide fits well. She's a fun character and you've done really well with the story. Well, thats all I got. Have fun with your story. Have a great summer!

[Decere Tiozon]

[King Morgan and Queen Clarissa sat up straight upon their thrones in the great hall and smiled brightly amongst the members of their kingdom.]

A comma between 'hall' and 'and' is needed.

[As the last of the guests tumbled in the queen nodded her head at the heralds and they began to blow their horns.]
As the last of the guests tumbled in, the Queen nodded her head at the heralds, and they began to blow their horns.

All right. You seem to have problems with commas and joint words. You know? Words that connect ideas together? FANBOYS: For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet and So. Put a comma before these IF you have connecting ideas. e.i. Alexandra was playing the flute, but Jake hated the sound.

[The child had skin as white as snow, lips as red as a rose, and hair as black as ebony, her parents however had dark brown hair.]

Run on sentence right here. There are two subjects and two predicates.

All right. We see people walking by, and the herald announcing their names. Move on and talk about the ball. What are the guests doing? Is it a ball? What are the colors, the sounds, the smell, etc. Is it grand? Is it small?

[You will beautiful much like our dear daughter was.

Huh?

And again. Several typos. Fix things. Read out loud to see if your writing sounds right, and if you want your style to be that way.

[Selena Cane]

Thank you so much! The suggestion about where to place commas is extremely helpful. I am currently in the middle of editing this prologue and I will be sure to fix some of things you suggested. I know my grammar isn't great, especially commas, since I am an amateur writer, so that hint was fantastic. Thank you again.

[Decere Tiozon]

You're very welcome. And if you need more help, I'm glad to be of assistance. Friend me?

[C. Rose]

"I zap" about two thirds of the way through should be "a zap"