Witness to a tradgedy

I wrote this for English, I'm not much of a poetry person so it isn't the greatest, but I tried. It's supposed to be a Shakesperean sonnet.

 

“Witness to a tragedy”

 

There is only quiet in the still air.

The boy is contemplating how to say,

The words that reveal how much her must bear;

That he had seen the happenings that day.

 

With anger, he took his hand and formed a fist,

And pulled it back. With great force, he released.

She got the hit, and tears fell like a mist.

And just like that, her self-esteem decreased.

 

The timid boy sits adjacent the girl,

Revealing his presence the day before last.

All the girl’s thoughts were beginning to whirl

Of all the times he’d hit her in the past.

 

The new boy now, decided to render,

A new romance, with a kiss so tender.

Author's Note

Any of your thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thank you

Reviews

[Thorn]

Not exactly Shakespearean, and a little confusing at times.
But the bit about tears falling like mist, and the last two lines, are very nice.
Overall, a nice piece.

[George Love]

You captured something here. A world of abuse lies ahead for both these characters. I spot one typo, I think. " The words that reveal how much her must bear" I thin kyou menat eitehr "he" or "she" as in the context each would work. You leave enough to the reader's imagination that this girl protagonist has left her abusive relationship witnessed by a very timid new admirer or her boyfriend witnessed abuse at the hands of a male parent or the old standby: "I've changed, I won't hit you anymore".

Either way, you built the story well and you show a fair degree of talent.