Heaven

Man's greatest loss was, is Heaven. Heaven lost to be found!

Heaven                                by Sami Khalil

Heaven lost to be found…                                                          

Have you any clue in this two-horse race

Before kings were made and life was colly

Prior to roses… laws enshrined in place

Man was disposed when inclined to folly?

 

In the nick of time, by no erased age

Infused with peace, standing in defiance

Sorrowful date flustered the written page

Falling from grace, in utter reliance.

 

Minds relented; souls yielded to the Earth

Against the sea tides, that horrid blunder

Out of the depths, gasping for air at birth

Specks of dust in abject flight, asunder.

 

Have you any clue in this two-horse race

Heaven prized away fervently this chase?

 

 

Reviews

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Deep, intriguing poem that really makes you think at oftentimes, those are the ones that stick around in your head for the longest! I love the mystery and abstract of this poem. I can see how much personality and care your poured in this piece and it deserves far more reviews. The way you write is amazing and I hope you keep doing it!

[Sami Khalil]

OMG! I love your take on this poem dear poet. I honor you and your talent. Talented ones know each other. I can't thank you enough.

[barleygirl]

I must confess, I am not able to follow your abstract message. But I've been reading dozens of sonnets lately & I hardly EVER feel any kind of rhythm that could remotely be called "iambic pentameter".

Now, I'm no expert on meter & I never use words like "iambic pentameter" - but your poem has such strong rhythm, I can only guess that this is what all the sonneteers are trying to grasp but failing to. I had to read it again just to enjoy that peppy meter. Don't know what the hell it means, but it felt like I was astride a boldly trotting steed (((HUGS)))

[Sami Khalil]

Hehehe! I agree Margie. It is hard to write a sonnet . One must follow the 5 syllable count and the rhyming scheme of abab, cdcd....3 stanzas and the ending couplet. Experts know how to count those syllables...
As for the message, it is on the abstract side like you pointed out with the message that our greatest loss to us humans was that eternal home, abode if we can fathom its importance or see the clues. That is why we all have that form of loss or emptiness inside of our souls, as like a void that needs to be regained. I hope that helped a little....
Thank you so much.
By the way, you can't just rhyme a sonnet alone, you have to count the syllables. Hence Pentameter.
Thank you for all...

[barleygirl]

I am fully aware of how many rules there are to a sonnet. That is why you never see me writing any. It's a wonder anyone can actually inject a message while doing all the acrobatics!

[Sami Khalil]

Hehehe! Call me then an acrobatic poet. Lol.
Just kidding.

[barleygirl]

Love ya! Happy Thanksgiving, if I don't get around to it later (((HUGS)))

[Sami Khalil]

You got it dear poet and friend. Much love, joy and pleasure.
Happy upcoming Thanksgiving!

[Kerra]

Such a wonderful and quite intriguing to me, very nicely expressed

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! Thank you so much Kerra H. for this wonderful review and summation. Glad you like sonnets...

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Sami... there are times of "Heaven on Earth... especially the Seasons and Seven Wonders and more.
There is also Hell on this Earth, especially for the Innocent Children and more. That is my Clue ... and my feelings. One of my favorite lines is by Shakespeare... "Parting is such Sweet Sorrow"... however I hold the Hope... We will meet again. gently, Pat

[Sami Khalil]

Whoaaaa! So true and well said. Until we meet in a better and lasting place indeed. No worries. WE are on the way. Thank you so much for always being graceful and generous.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

in that dust, maybe there is a heaven, maybe not.
But we are disposed to folly, and we learn so late in life what is important...
wisdom takes time and when we have little left, wisdom comes and takes a seat next to us.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! So true and well said sir Jacob. You have summed it up marvelously. May we see each other in Heaven one day sir.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

The creation of man from dust and our yearning to seek or achieve our heavenly body. The creation myth in full bloom within this intricate telling within the wonderfully penned piece of poetry. Excellent work my friend from such a creative mind and artist.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! Thank you so much Carlos for this wonderful review and treasured visit. Glad you like it. See you soon...

[no tell writer]

this is quite intriguing and interesting, nicely written

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! Thank you so much for the visit and reading. Glad you like it and you were intrigued. Take care.

[no tell writer]

you too, have a good rest of your day

[Sami Khalil]

:::::::)))))))))))))))

[Sami Khalil]

"Have you any clue in this two-horse race

Heaven prized away fervently this chase."