magic and love

no feelings in my hand, feel like nerve cells of the hands are dead.
plants , flowers sound artificial. i knew their age before. this , comphor , was 17 years, this ,orchids , was born just 4 months, they was. 3 years ago.
3 years ago which when i was alive, lover, wizard.
greedy in love killed me . I'd just paid for destroyed nature of balance cause of love.
Dylan was about dying , I had to sacrifice myself to who brought me right way in my vain life that i had. i knew the price was heavy to back him and i did. pledge of love made me to did that, i gave his hands and did the spell .
u felt all magic in me was transfered and i was draining , feel like I'm running out.
Done. he returned and i blocked out for 3 days.
"mama, where is Dylan?" asked
"i don't know" she answered " someone send this letter"
that was Dylan's handwriting.
dear Lili,
" you sacrificed all things you had to saved me, i never forgive myself and can't stuck with it. i can't see you , former happy Lili , in regret. i see myself as guilty i going to nowhere , i have to go"