Anxiety as a Person

Anxiety as a person

 

The night is a sleepless one.

A clock tick tocks on the wall near my feet.

I left the printer on.

What if it gets overheated,

catches the paper in it on fire,

burns my home to bits.

No one would come,

because everyone is asleep.

What would happen if I let that happen?

Would I even make it out?

Would anyone even try to get me out?

Could I get myself out?

I could never do that.

I’m not strong enough to get myself

out of a burning building.

 

Ok,

Calm down. Calm down.

They are just thoughts.

Just thoughts.

 

I can tell myself this as much as I want,

but nothing will get rid of that feeling.

The heaviness in my chest as an elephant of worry sits atop it,

the stabbing knife of fear in my brain from the thoughts that never stop,

 

My roommate will wake up if I don’t shut up.

She’ll see me doubled over in pain

breathing as if I need an oxygen tank,

clutching my knees to my chest in a way

that awakens the nerves in my hips,

telling me that I need to wake up.

 

I don’t want that.

I don’t want anyone to see that.

If they do they will leave instead of help

when all I really want is to just not worry so much

and for someone to tell me that these constant,

rambling questions in my brain

are all just normal.

 

-S.L.S.