The incident.

I did something bad... this is me venting in the reflection paper I had to do as part of my punishment.

Whenever I hear the sirens,

whenever I see red and blue,

whenever there is a knock at my door,

or whenever someone says,

“Let’s talk,”

I jump,

because I’m afraid.

It’s the fear I feel more in my face

than the rest me.  

The knot in my stomach

churns my whole body to something

I’ve only felt at funerals.

 

This feeling hurts,

something no person should ever feel.

I feel that pain turning my face a bright red,

my fingertips icy cold

as the heat under my cheeks die,

but the sweat still seems to continue

forming in my pits,

and along the entirety of the palms of my hands,

along my forehead,

the nape of my neck. 

My body then begins to shake

and that knot that formed in my stomach

evolves to my throat.

Now I can’t seem to speak at all.

All this happens simply

because of one bad night.

 

What if someone seems me acting like this?

And over nothing?

I wouldn’t know what to say,

because to be quite frank,

it’s embarrassing

to be so on edge, all the time,

so close to the edge,

that I can see the bottom of the cliff below me.

I am so on edge,

because of something that happened months ago,

something that was totally and completely

my fault, my doing.

Something I say I am ok with happening,

and something I have accepted as the mistake of my past

yet I can still feel how much

a horrible mistake this all was

and I cannot seem to stop hating myself for it.

 

This was my mistake,

and I need to learn from it,

because that is what mistakes are here for.

Mistakes are what make us all better people,

we simply learn our best lessons from them,

and I know it’s ok to feel horrible right now,

because that is how I will get over what I did.

I feel horrible, and later I will realize

my mistakes happened for a reason.

 

I don’t know how I will get over this.

Maybe it will just go away in my sleep one night,

or maybe it will take years of therapy,

but one thing I do know.

I will get over it,

because that is who I am.

I make it through every thing.

So many mishaps in my life, 

and I have managed to get over them all,

and I am proud of myself for that.

Yes,

I did something bad,

but I know I am a great,

wonderful person,

and the only person

who can make me feel bad for being myself

is me.

 

I will get over this the best way I know how.

I’ll work extra shifts at the diner.

I’ ll focus more on my school work.

I’ll hang out with my friends a bit less,

so I can get even more involved with my charities.

I’ll finish writing my novels.

I’ll run that marathon that I’ve been working so hard to finish.

I’ll call my mom every day,

because has always been the only person to be there for me in the end. 

I’ll get more sleep, drink less coffee.

I’ll get out of my room more,

go the library,

find a nice corner and read something great.

I’ll do all the things that make me happy,

because in the end, that is all that keeps me going.

- S.L.S.

 

 

Reviews

[Kelley Quinn]

This is a strong poem.
It's raw and that's what makes it a more modern poem than a whimsical old poem where everything is vague.
You take the incident and actually grow from it rather than shrinking away into yourself. This is what everyone should learn to do.

The last line is a little deflated. I think it could maybe be worded a little better without sounding like it has been said before. It just needs a little tweaking. The rest of it is magnifique!

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful tale my writer friend.
"I will get over this the best way I know how.
I’ll work extra shifts at the diner.
I’ ll focus more on my school work.
I’ll hang out with my friends a bit less,
so I can get even more involved with my charities."
I agree with the above lines. We must get busy and do good things. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

I’ll finish writing my novels.

[Frieda P]

Intriguing story in your poem, we all make mistakes, then seem to beat ourselves up over it, seems you took the bull by the horns though and are doing something about it. Enjoyed.

[A. Amos]

Deep interesting, motivational and thought provoking...great work in this one!