Prologue

The last known call of stars and whales came from above, and around the bend. It was then that I saw the universe spread out before me, from the edge of infinity looming, and zooming, to still all, and see, booming, the mirror of the great I Am clasping the breath of the stars under its’ crescent reach. I was placed in the middle of the vast Unknown, as a young boy. Nothing was as it had seemed before. Asteroids and stars flew by me as magic dust caressed my face, and it can ONLY be described as indescribable. 

And I saw the whales. I was nowhere, but yet I was everywhere at the same time. It was a lapse of time, Infinity, and each star, each planet and galaxy, each creature of intelligence and each rock, were all apart of me, or I, apart of them. And thousands of brilliant colors, binding the universe together but extending further than can be explained; the concept of a number just a Thing to make everything smaller than it really is. And things happen unexpectedly that cannot be understood, not by anyone. But my story begins as much, much less, and I lead an oblivious life under a huge, red bridge in the middle of a scorching desert plain, which in the past had overlooked miles upon miles of ocean, on the Planet Earth, where the Shadows lie...

Reviews

[B]

Hey :)
So you didn't ask me to review this
But I only read what I desire to eat ...
I love this piece
And I wish you would write more
Being the observer
Of our life
Seeing everything for more than just what comes off for first instances
There is a wisdom to the heavens
One we still didn't grasp with all our might and glory
We are small

Thumbs up

[Stars and Whales]

:) Thanks :))

[B]

It be interesting to learn where would you go with this piece

[Bear]

It may be just me but it is as if you started in the middle of your story, you talk about things that your readers have no knowledge or understanding of. That is risky for a prolog as some people may stop reading feeling it too confusing, like "call of stars and whales". You might consider adding a little more narration offering history or defining information. The story line is interesting, it made me think of the Star trek movie The Voyage Home after reading the first sentence. As a prolog, I felt it lacked enough detail for me to comprehend the almost dream-like sequence the story is telling. Still has great possibilities :~)

[Anon]

Its coming along pretty well, with the edits that Fearofin proposed it seems like it'll be great. Will definitely stick along to read the upcoming chapters

[wordman]

a great story that tells a story about our eco system

[Orion]

I was very intrigued by this style of story, definitely not your typical story and that's a good thing. While I read I couldn't help but pay attention to the way you describe all the things that are happening, it has a beauty in a poetic sense and I'm sure that is what captivates the readers attention. Very rich content here, keep it up.

[LunaFrenz]

I enjoyed this! As I reader, I felt the world opening up so vast and the bigger it grew, the more I knew the space I was in….This greater connection that you can’t label, else minimize existence. The ending interesting, I am interested on what comes next. As I reader I felt we were going somewhere distant, somewhere other…..A start not here. The excitement of that possible, for me at least, is how it can felt in the present, and how that wisdom changes behavior, perspective, thought…and others. The more nowhere I am, the more I feel the universe. Life drowns out the ability sense it! I read some study (I enjoy behavior-neuro immensely) that said the more tired/exhausted we are, the more creative we are.....I think it pipes down our efficient, logical, reasonable sense/thoughts.....and allows things to reach consciousness that otherwise, barely become a known thought.

[Stars and Whales]

Wow...what you said inspired me even more than I already am with this! Wow, thank you for reviewing, your post was very uplifting and motivating for me.

[LunaFrenz]

That's beyond Neat! Words do sometimes have reach... Keep reaching.......

[Calibaster]

As usual, I'm swept away by your amazing ability to describe. Really, you're good at it. :) this story also had a really sci-fi feel that gave me nostalgia for Star Trek. 🖖🏻 Don't worry though, that's a good thing.

All right, so first of all, there's a ton of space before the quotation marks, ... Not sure if you did that on purpose but it was confusing. Also, the marks are empty. Still not sure if it was an accident or not. 🤔

I can sort of feel what you want me to here, an ethereal, all encompassing, massive feeling of smallness next to an amazing amount of power (which is awesome, by the way), but I don't understand the meaning. I'm unsure of the message itself that you're trying to get across, though the feeling is wonderful. This sort of thing can be easily remedied, since the problem is that you are the author ... NO! That's not how I meant that to come across! 😱

😓 Sorry, let me explain better.

So, as authors (authoresses ... Kay, so I'm pretty sure that's not a word ...) we can see our stories. We can see the characters, and we can see what's going to happen next. We never need our stories explained to ourselves, merely for the fact that we already know, our only job is to let the readers expirience the same thing.

Now, this is where problems come in.

As writers, we'll forget to add a conversation that we imagined, or even just a moment in our stories, and it leaves a hole. Holes are easily filled if you notice them, but by the time we've written the story, our mind knows it well enough that it just jumps over the hole, and we never notice it. That's cool though, right?

Well here's the clincher; the readers will always notice it.

It's the part of a story where you go, "wait, didn't this happen just a little while ago?" ... Actually, the best analogy I can think of is in really old TV shows. There will be a cut-scene, and you'll think, "Wasn't he wearing a red shirt in the last scene?" Or "that wasn't tucked in two seconds ago."

So, you can see the problem. It's the same with this chapter. I can get the feeling that you're trying to convey, but I can't see what it's supposed to mean. The easiest fix would be to read it out loud to a friend. They'll notice any problems right away, and you'll be able to fix it immidiately. Even reading it out loud to yourself helps.

If you can, pretend that you're the reader, reading it for the first time. That will also help. 😊

Another quick note, apart, the way you're using it, is incorrect. You want to use two words in your case "a part" rather than "apart". An example of each, "a part of me" and "apart from me", ... You can see the difference, write? Er, right? (Dang, that was dumb if me. Take all my advice with a grain of salt, I can't even use write right!)

Anyway, it was good. Really, ... Wow, I wrote a hecka lot ... That doesn't mean you're a bad writer, I promise! There's just always room for improvement, that's all. ... Good job. 😁 *cheesy smile*

(Man, I need reviews like this. This is really long. You lucky little dog, I never meant to write this much. ... Those quotation marks ... Did you put anything in the "description" box when you wrote the prologue? That might be why it's the way it is.)

Anyway, good job! ... I'm really bad at ending things. ... Sorry, that wasn't an ending. (Dang, neither was that!)

Okay, I'm done! *throws up hands in incredulity at my own ridiculousness*

...

[Stars and Whales]

It's fun reading your reviews (in a good way.) I feel like I'm really talking to you, and you have a hilarious sense of humour. Anyway, thanks for the review! The description box (blank space/quotation marks) you talked about contains an embedded video I posted in the description. Maybe your device can't access it. I don't know. But you should be able to view it, it isn't blank space.
I wish I could write reviews this long and helpful! I can't ever think of anything wrong with people's writing because I just read it and I love to read so I think "wow, that was great" and that's that. Well, thanks again.
I appreciate this, and it will be put into good use.

[Calibaster]

That makes you the perfect audience, so who are we to complain when all you did was enjoy our writing? ☺️

I'm glad you enjoy reading my reviews, I don't want just sound like a boring teacher, or worse, autocorrect, but an actual friend.

Weird that I can't see the video, I'll have to try the computer. (I'm using an iPad. They fit more comfortably in my lap.)

Thanks for liking my sense of humor. I've always thought it was a little cheesy myself. 😊 I'm blushing (really).

Most of my advice, if it even be called that, will work for any peice of writing you have. Just some of the tricks when it comes to writing (at least for me). Message me when you have it revised or another chapter up. I'll gladly read more! 🙃

[apersonfullofthoughts]

I am very interested where this story will go. I would fix a few things like maybe more paragraphs and breaking some sentences up to make it more understandable but besides that good job.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks for letting me know!

[Zoli Fern]

Hi Zane,
I like this a lot! I am interested in knowing where this story goes, which is great because that is what a prologue should do. As far as things to think about, maybe break this down into more paragraphs. This is a nit-picky thing, but since this is the first thing your readers will see, you will want it to seem inviting.
Good job!

[Fearofin]

Very interesting! Your first sentence has a few too many commas, though. Try removing the comma between 'whales' and 'came' and between 'above' and 'and'. I made a few edits to the second sentence to help it flow better:
"It was then that I saw the universe spread out before me, from the edge of infinity. Looming and zooming to still all, and see, booming, the mirror of the great; I am clasping the breath of the stars under its crescent reach."
Also, the 'apart' in second paragraph should probably be changed to 'a part', if I'm understanding it correctly.
Overall, this is very interesting and I'm excited to see where this will lead!

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you. I am a huge Lord of the Rings fan too (I noticed that on your profile) and I geek out for a lot of other worldly stuff like that. Thanks again, you gave some good advice!