Prologue

The last known call of stars and whales came from above, and around the bend. It was then that I saw the universe spread out before me, from the edge of infinity looming, and zooming, to still all, and see, booming, the mirror of the great I Am clasping the breath of the stars under its’ crescent reach. I was placed in the middle of the vast Unknown, as a young boy. Nothing was as it had seemed before. Asteroids and stars flew by me as magic dust caressed my face, and it can ONLY be described as indescribable. 

And I saw the whales. I was nowhere, but yet I was everywhere at the same time. It was a lapse of time, Infinity, and each star, each planet and galaxy, each creature of intelligence and each rock, were all apart of me, or I, apart of them. And thousands of brilliant colors, binding the universe together but extending further than can be explained; the concept of a number just a Thing to make everything smaller than it really is. And things happen unexpectedly that cannot be understood, not by anyone. But my story begins as much, much less, and I lead an oblivious life under a huge, red bridge in the middle of a scorching desert plain, which in the past had overlooked miles upon miles of ocean, on the Planet Earth, where the Shadows lie...

Reviews

[B]

Hey :)
So you didn't ask me to review this
But I only read what I desire to eat ...
I love this piece
And I wish you would write more
Being the observer
Of our life
Seeing everything for more than just what comes off for first instances
There is a wisdom to the heavens
One we still didn't grasp with all our might and glory
We are small

Thumbs up

[Stars and Whales]

:) Thanks :))

[B]

It be interesting to learn where would you go with this piece

[Iris]

It was definitely interesting and quite vague, which I believe was the point of the Prologue. However, I would suggest correcting a few grammatical mistakes and sorting out the syntax you want to use for every sentence. It'll make this an easier and more intriguing read, as well as maintaining the quality of mystery you're aiming for. The capitalized words, 'ONLY' can be instead in italics, which are the official way f stressing a particular word.
All in all, it's great work and I look forward to reading more.

[Joan Davis]

"...On the planet of earth, where shadows lie..."
That is a great way to end this. It helps to put what was said above in context. It raises a lot of questions that make me want to read on, like what happened to him? Or what happened to earth? Very interesting, and I look forward to reading on.

[Stars and Whales]

thanks for the review!

[MightyMouse]

Cool. Describing the magic of the universe is a very difficult thing to do, but you did it alright. I guess we have to read more to understand why he's living under the golden gate bridge (If I'm guessing correctly). So, if you write more, I'll read it.

[samparks,sam]

The last known call of stars and whales came from above, and around the bend. It was then that I saw the universe spread out before me, from the edge of infinity looming, and zooming, to still all, and see, booming, the mirror of the great I Am clasping the breath of the stars under its’ crescent reach. I was placed in the middle of the vast Unknown, as a young boy. Nothing was as it had seemed before. Asteroids and stars flew by me as magic dust caressed my face, and it can ONLY be described as indescribable.
And I saw the whales. I was nowhere, but yet I have been everywhere at the same time. It was a lapse of time, Infinity, and each star, each planet and galaxy, each creature of intelligence and each rock, were all a part of me a part of them. And thousands of brilliant colors, binding the universe together but extending further than can be explained; the concept of a number just a Thing to make everything smaller than it really is. And things happen unexpectedly that cannot be understood, not by anyone. But my story begins as much, much less, and I lead an oblivious life under a huge, red bridge in the middle of a scorching desert plain, which in the past had overlooked miles upon miles of ocean, on the Planet Earth, where the Shadows lie...

I read nice an do some correction.you write nice

[Joshua Haines]

Love the beginning dude. Reading this just wants me to read more. Hope you keep writing XD

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks man!

[MrARKY89]

So, I noticed that you have capitalized certain words. Is that to personalize them, or give them some sort of elemental significance? Either way, I like the idea. It seems like the protagonist is isolated and can only relate to these features, characteristics...elements.

[Stars and Whales]

elemental significance :-)

[MelissaAndres]

Very nice beginning. It sounds like you are describing something magical and you bring your reader in quickly and build up. Good job!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks a lot

[Ivory]

Hum... Not my usual genre of story, but this did get my attention. Very well written and descriptive.
I look forward to future installments ; ) Also, thank you so much for your lovely review and for taking time to read my work.

[Stars and Whales]

Of course. Thank you for commenting

[M. L. F.]

Ahh... Lord of the Rings... Does it get any better than Sir Tolkien? I even had a dog I insisted be named Frodo, lol... Anyway, back to the subject... I really like this. I see where you are going with the epic, dawn of time, deep music playing in the back of your mind as you write this thing... And it's working, but you need to make it a little more, idk how to say it.... broken up a bit structurally? Like the other posters said, small stuff like movements of comma's etc. Sounds stupid, but the placement of your comma's really has an effect on what you want your readers to emphasize and how you want them to emphasize it ;) It can even change the mood of what you are trying to express, which if you feel about fiction the way I do, is very important.... ;)
... Misty