Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dreams are beautiful, and all dreams can verily come true. If only they could be truly understood for the enormity of their prospects. Our dreams are our imaginations, and our dreams make us who we are. Some may inquire; “Why do we dream?” Because dreams represent our soul through and through, and a man without a dream is not a man at all. The future of the world are the dreams of each person residing on our great Earth, and forced together they create the world we decide to create. Dreams are like a message from the true beauty within our minds, like a waterfall that pours into our future. It doesn’t cost to dream; so we must explore our dreams and shape them into the world we want.

A rippling fire blazes upon my mantle. My clone has fallen into a deep slumber; I wonder if he is dreaming. If so, it is for which I cannot fathom. I bet his dreams are most lucid and powerful; indeed, for his mind must endeavor this new world as a prospect of his future!  Grazing my thumb across my prickly brown beard, I ponder the future, and what is to come of my reverence.

I think back upon eight sentences I scribbled from pen to paper thirty-five years ago today. I remember them clearly.

The 5 Lives of Duncan Arnett:

I will not allow Mr. Lee to die in vein. He had a dream for our world. I will unearth forgotten pasts and hopeful futures. 1; I will clone a human being. 2; I will discover the true meaning behind life and all that makes this up. 3; I will delve into the prospect of time travel. 4; I will bend the entire concept of reality. 5; I will change the world.

Wrinkles stretch across my face as sweat trickles slowly down. I stand to my feet, leaving wet footprints on my wooden floor and I make my way across the room. I sneak a peek at my clone, who is lying asleep upon its bed. A smile spreads across my face as a fierce hope and determination tries my brain. I imagine the mental struggles it must be feeling, trying to place itself in this huge world it hasn’t yet experienced. I saunter over to my front door and take a deep breath. Then I step outside and I see the big blue world. Icy, humid air licks my face as a sweltering sun stabs my eyes. Yes, the world within a world within a world. Big Blue, as I like to refer to the ocean, is like a huge, crystal globe with stories to tell from the out and the in. Big Blue is hope. Then there’s the empty space that contains all infinity and impossibilities call it home. Land is lost in the middle of hope and infinity, where humans struggle to discover how small we really are and how big everything else is to separate us.

I separate myself to contemplate the struggles of incomprehension. I separate myself from the trees and the forests because those things are a type of life that distract me from the real meaning of life, which is yet to be discovered. As far as the eye can see the water stretches into the horizon and mingles with the light of the sky. Hope is in abundance.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Very driven protagonist, indeed. These chapters seem so very short. If every chapter is as uneventful as these first two, this book will stretch on for ages. Now, uneventful doesn't mean bad. It just means very little is achieved in this chapter. I could see this chapter and the first chapter being merged into one. Additionally, the style this is written in feels a bit hazy. Everything is written in the style of thought. There is nothing differentiating the narrator's thoughts from the narrator's observations and physically experiences. This matter isn't helped by the fact that near every sentence is sandwiched between the narrator's spiritual thoughts.

Having said all that, this is an interesting story and an interesting prospect.

[Bear]

This continues to intrigue me, the first paragraphs dream concept is philosophically sound and almost prayer-like in the message it conveys. This is one of the best stories I have come across here at the cafe, I look forward to reading your creation and wish you good luck, good writing and good day :~)

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Bear! You have a great day as well!

[Meeks]

So, you wrote a great, thought provoking and even kind of beautiful (in a subconsious way) chapter, but there is a problem. There is no pacing whatsoever throughout the story.
The sentences are too long, words too bulky, paragraphs to large to keep track of, and more. The biggest problem here isn't the long sentences or hard words though, because every book has a bit of those, and how else will you invoke thought?
The real problem is that you put them all back to back in a giant paragraph.
Notice that throughout the chapter, just about nothing happens. All thought. Just monologue. Zero plot, or anything else that actually grabs the reader's attention.
My advice is to kind of summarize these thoughts, if they are really important, and melt them into another chapter where there is some sort of action.

Besides the pacing, not really much else stylistically. Yeah, I actually don't know what this book is going to be about despite having read the first two chapters, but I guess that counts as pacing as well...

I'm currently working on an analysis of sentence variety to later publish as a lesson, and I noticed that, despite this basically being a monologue, your sentences don't ever seem the same. Which is almost impossible. How do you even do this?

I won't give you a grammar and spelling edit; if you're going to publish it then the most important thing is style and content. Unless you decide to self-publish.

Anyway, this is a good piece of thought overall. Dreams kind of do allow us to do anything. There's a quote I recently heard: "what is larger, the universe or the human mind? Both can contain the other and even more."
Remember, the more you write, the better it gets.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you for the help, and the reason for the lack of plot/action, in my opinion, is because I was just writing down my personal thoughts onto the page. I don't know. But I will definitely fix this up, so thanks for grabbing my attention on this subject!

[iMagination]

I am a little picky when it comes to reading writing. So picky I got mad(and I am still mad, probably because I finished the book two days ago) at James Dasher for starting sentences with And in the 0.5 of the Maze Runner. I may not be a big science person(and I defiantly don't enjoy pure science writings), but this was very interesting, and grabbed my attention. Just a few(Update: I lied) little things:

-I read the first chapter before this one, and it confused me a little why you went to a different topic at first. Dunno why but that stood out to me.

-Unless I have a thersuruas next to me, there is no way of me knowing all those words. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not.

-I kinda want to hear more about the character himself. All he's really talked about is his clone and dreams.

-Who's Mr. Lee?

-Maybe you could read the chapter over again before you publish it? There seems to be some spots where you can add... something. Dunno what it is, but it just needs a little more.

-The transition from thought to thought might need to be looked into. Right now it just skips around without a real end to the thought and a start to the new one, if that makes sense.

This maybe a *Little* nit-picky, but I am a nit-picky kinda gal. So basically take a look at transitions and describing. Thanks for writing!

[Stars and Whales]

Yes, thank you, this is very helpful! I'll look into everything you mentioned! Appreciate it!

[iMagination]

No problem, anytime. 😉

[Carlos M.]

This was not only great writing but also very helpful to those who have os their dreams. Keep on writing and I'll keep supporting

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you for the comment and support Carlos! I appreciate that!

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome chapter. I love the way you focus in on dreams and the importance of them for every day life. Good detail Zane :)

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks for commenting Aaron!