Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dreams are beautiful, and all dreams can verily come true. If only they could be truly understood for the enormity of their prospects. Our dreams are our imaginations, and our dreams make us who we are. Some may inquire; “Why do we dream?” Because dreams represent our soul through and through, and a man without a dream is not a man at all. The future of the world are the dreams of each person residing on our great Earth, and forced together they create the world we decide to create. Dreams are like a message from the true beauty within our minds, like a waterfall that pours into our future. It doesn’t cost to dream; so we must explore our dreams and shape them into the world we want.

A rippling fire blazes upon my mantle. My clone has fallen into a deep slumber; I wonder if he is dreaming. If so, it is for which I cannot fathom. I bet his dreams are most lucid and powerful; indeed, for his mind must endeavor this new world as a prospect of his future!  Grazing my thumb across my prickly brown beard, I ponder the future, and what is to come of my reverence.

I think back upon eight sentences I scribbled from pen to paper thirty-five years ago today. I remember them clearly.

The 5 Lives of Duncan Arnett:

I will not allow Mr. Lee to die in vein. He had a dream for our world. I will unearth forgotten pasts and hopeful futures. 1; I will clone a human being. 2; I will discover the true meaning behind life and all that makes this up. 3; I will delve into the prospect of time travel. 4; I will bend the entire concept of reality. 5; I will change the world.

Wrinkles stretch across my face as sweat trickles slowly down. I stand to my feet, leaving wet footprints on my wooden floor and I make my way across the room. I sneak a peek at my clone, who is lying asleep upon its bed. A smile spreads across my face as a fierce hope and determination tries my brain. I imagine the mental struggles it must be feeling, trying to place itself in this huge world it hasn’t yet experienced. I saunter over to my front door and take a deep breath. Then I step outside and I see the big blue world. Icy, humid air licks my face as a sweltering sun stabs my eyes. Yes, the world within a world within a world. Big Blue, as I like to refer to the ocean, is like a huge, crystal globe with stories to tell from the out and the in. Big Blue is hope. Then there’s the empty space that contains all infinity and impossibilities call it home. Land is lost in the middle of hope and infinity, where humans struggle to discover how small we really are and how big everything else is to separate us.

I separate myself to contemplate the struggles of incomprehension. I separate myself from the trees and the forests because those things are a type of life that distract me from the real meaning of life, which is yet to be discovered. As far as the eye can see the water stretches into the horizon and mingles with the light of the sky. Hope is in abundance.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

Very driven protagonist, indeed. These chapters seem so very short. If every chapter is as uneventful as these first two, this book will stretch on for ages. Now, uneventful doesn't mean bad. It just means very little is achieved in this chapter. I could see this chapter and the first chapter being merged into one. Additionally, the style this is written in feels a bit hazy. Everything is written in the style of thought. There is nothing differentiating the narrator's thoughts from the narrator's observations and physically experiences. This matter isn't helped by the fact that near every sentence is sandwiched between the narrator's spiritual thoughts.

Having said all that, this is an interesting story and an interesting prospect.

[Justin E]

Just to reiterate what others have already mentioned...I find myself immediately intrigued by the protagonist's philosophy. Your description is vivid. I find it interesting--and I hope we get to see an explanation as the story progresses--that the protagonist refers to his clone as an "it," instead of "he." I am not quite sure why, but that piqued my interest.

[Lyn Anderson]

This chapter is stronger, simply requiring some attention to grammar, spelling, and overuse of the exclamation mark.

[Stars and Whales]

If you could point out the grammar and spelling, I am having trouble spotting them. I like to read it aloud to myself and haven't noticed. Thanks. I agree about the exclamation mark for sure

[Lyn Anderson]

I will send the corrections via email

[Stars and Whales]

sounds good

[Christopher Stephenson ..]

I like so far that maybe the clone is good but yet shows meaning on what is, is. His hope Duncan that he will always be good if he is him. Good stuff still. Good job.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks man for all the reviews! I'm working on chapter 4

[MrARKY89]

This is something I believe every person and especially every writer and artist should read. This is the kind of narrative that gets a person to truly think about the meaning of life. Purpose puts emphasis into all other aspects of our lives, including our love for others. Great work. You are truly a man of deep thought.

[Stars and Whales]

:) Thank you MrARKY! That means a lot to me for you to say that. I have a strong opinion and perspective, thanks to an English teacher I have right now. Thank you my friend.

[Alyssa B. Long]

Wow, this brought a new perspective about dreams. I love how you are able to clearly express what is means to have these dreams that human wish to accomplish. It makes me wonder if dreams are truly difficult to obtain? At times I feel like this, thanks for the link to your work! I hope you can read my story since I've been updating on the chapters lately. I do enjoy what you have linked to me, let me know if you want anymore reviews from me as well! I have about 3 newly chapters added to my story please feel free to review them ^ ^

[SoberBunny]

An interesting start to an interesting story. :) I was intrigued from the start, where he is staring at the clone and contemplating his discoveries on life. I do agree with rosie posie though, breaking up the descriptions into paragraphs that also include some action wouldn't hurt. Though beautiful and poetic, a story which begins with vivid description without action does tend to get a little lost on the reader after a while. But overall I think you've done a great job as always, and it looks like some other people have offered better insight than I can having just woken up a couple minutes ago. XD

[Stars and Whales]

:) Thanks SoberBunny! I'm working on these changes!

[rosieposie]

This is really beautiful and poetic. You have excellent way of wording things, and your description is very good. I think you might have gone a bit overboard with you description though. The words are very beautiful and evoke great imagery and philosophy, but reading three or four straight paragraphs of it in a row can be a bit tedious. By the third paragraph I start to lose interest because there really isn't anything happening. So my advice is not that you should cut out all the description, but that you should try breaking it up a bit by adding in pieces of a plot line to help interest the reader.

Other than that this is really good, and I would love to read more when you have it ready!

[Stars and Whales]

That's a great tip! I see what you mean. I will work on that. Thanks!

[Cal]

Hi there! I liked the gist of the chapter's story but I noticed a lot of purple prose (which isn't necessarily BAD, but I would definitely look into simplifying a tad. I.e., "verily", etc. Also, the first paragraph sounds more like a philosophy essay than a story, at least to me.)

I won't complain about "who is Mr. Lee?", because that makes for a great hook for the next chapter/further chapters! Although, (a tiny nitpicky thing) it might be easier to read if you formatted the "5 Lives" section a bit differently.

My big thing with the story so far is that the chapters seem to be a tad short, and the clone thing seems to be a little rushed. Also, is the clone a person? Or is it a thing? You seem to bounce back and forth between referring to it as an "it" and as a "he"- you may wanna pick just one and stick with it to help avoid confusion.

What is the "world within a world within a world"? Why are trees/plants a different kind of life? This chapter has a very philosophical tone (even if you were to rewrite the first paragraph; this isn't a bad thing I promise), so it might be worth exploring a little more why the narrator avoids the trees and forests.

Overall, I really liked your imagery! It helped paint a vivid picture in my mind, and I like the contrasts between the descriptions of outside vs. the descriptions of inside. (I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I get a sense of a more fluid reality inside and a more...crystalline reality outside.) However, in the second-to-last paragraph, I had a hard time imagining the narrator's home. I found the sentence where he saunters to his front door easy to skip over; maybe end the paragraph directly after that sentence to make it easy to read and also provide a literal threshold from inside to outside.

Anyway, I'll stop going on now; I really liked this chapter and I hope to see more awesome work from you!!!

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you! Once again, this is very helpful and you made some great points that I will 100% look into! That's what I've been getting from the reviews, and I'm working on changing this: I need to add more plot line, add further description of characters/setting, and spread out the philosophical concepts. Thanks!