Chapter 1

My double stared deep into my eyes, a fogginess in his eyes that seemed unsubstantial to realism. My soul spoke in this relished moment, my heart pounding from my own being to his. His moist eyelids seemed to be a manner of distinguished falsity, but they were REAL, and alive.

When I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher addressed the class, and she claimed one day scientists would discover a genuine way of cloning a human being, and that it will be done! it struck me in that moment the authenticity of her statement, and Oh did I look into the future and attempt to imagine the effects of this unknown phenomenon. I am now fifty-one years old, gray hairs springing from my head--and this already! I beheld my clone not as an alien creature, but rather as a member of the human race--I would ensure this to become the future of cloning on our great Earth! but alas, how was I to do this?

I observed my clone’s features in complete reverence. Yes, what a grand thing! blue veins popped out from his muscular arms, and curly brown hair topped his head. But his blue eyes rang a deeper prospect of meaning to me--what lie behind the glossy blue of his pupil was mysterious to me, and it seemed projected as incomprehensible to the human mind. The human mind can do great things--spectacular things! yet to fathom the life and wellness of a created being--rather, what the clone sees the world to be through its own eyes...truly extraordinary. My clone looked upon me--the soft pitter patter of midnight rain could be heard through a window--yes, nothing could spoil this precious moment! precious! His eyes locked to mine--my child he surely was, and who could say otherwise? I made him! He is my past and future--surely what a great thing!

He momentarily began to stir, and I could practically see the foggy mist clear from his eyes as he awoke--before he had been staring at me with what I conceived as more or less dead eyes, but now: the true awakening! This would mark the beginning--the beginning of a new time, whence the world will come to see the ingenuity of my labour! Yes, surely my creation would alter the way life is seen unto man! The world will never be the same--and for that, I am certain! If the creation of life in a way such as this can be done, then surely much more should hasten to be staked as possible! All that was seen as impossible should not be likewise, but rather they should be tried--and tried! The infinite expanse of space may not be as infinite as it seems. The prospect of time: from infinity past to infinity future, perhaps just a fluke to keep us busy; the human mind...comprehension of such topics is just...no living man can describe it. And the reason I say no living man...the deceased likely have all the answers, mocking our world because we’re doing everything wrong. But I am going to discover the answers; discover the true meaning behind infinity and change EVERYTHING the living ever thought of life. The future is similar to my creation: fresh and new! An awakening of not only my clone but also a world of plausible, and proposed, questions--with answers anew!

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

Some interesting ideas here. You asked me to read and review, so I will say this, look over for simple mistakes in punctuation and grammar -- they distract the reader from the story underneath. Also, it may be wise to use exclamations sparingly, as they too are an unnecessary distraction from a solid tale. With a little bit of polish, a fine beginning.

[B. Boileau]

Short but vivid, a touch of modern day Franken Clone ? It does give a sense of that scary moment when man kind has'nt realized the power of unleashing things and the consequences afterwards.
A very enjoyable read. I look foward to reading the rest...

bill

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Bill!

[Christopher Stephenson]

I like this chapter. He feeling of making life is good. But scary for making himself again.
Good stuff. Good job.

[Carlos M.]

Written very well. Introduction started out as me thinking this was a fictional story but after descibing what you meant it came out as a poetic and meaningful way.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks! I'm glad you think so!

[Aventicus]

Hmm, such a concept is rather frightening for me, not in the sense of the creation of a clone, but rather the after effects that it has upon such men as this. Once the seemingly impossible is finally accomplished, then the rest of the universe apears to be within humanity's reach. Such a mentality cause men to commit great acts of hubris, which have the most undesireable repercussions.

[Stars and Whales]

Glad you were able to identify my point! Thanks for reading!

[Bear]

I wont bother with my usual critique as Iris did a marvelous job already :~)
Your articulation is very concise and fitting for someone older and in a scientific environment. For what little you have here it already has peaked my interest, it will be fun to see where you go with this one :~)

[Tomoe Tellez]

Whoa and wow! I think this may be my favorite piece of your writing. Putting grammar mistakes aside, I liked everything that happened in this short chapter. From the cloning subject to the fact that you made it the clone of an old man. And by the way you describe his way of thinking I can see that he is truly a scientist with great passion. It is amazing the way you can put yourself in the shoes of this futuristic beings. The first sentence was just great, a beginning like none I have ever read. My favorite description here was the one of the clones eyes.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Alondra! That means a lot to me! I will fix the grammar mistakes!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

wow, this is amazing, love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you so much!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome
-Silver

[Iris]

Your way of writing is captivating, absorbing. It is also very descriptive. You have the components for being an excellent writer, yet stringing those words together with beauty is a skill you have still not developed entirely. I see many grammar mistakes, like capitalizations you have not attempted to put in. I'll try to correct your mistakes by showing you what you could change:

1. Try using italics instead of capital letters. It makes writing look more formal.
2. "my English teacher addressed the class, and she claimed one day scientists would discover a genuine way of cloning a human being, and that it will be done!"
Ans. "my English teacher addressed the class, claiming scientists would one day discover a genuine way of cloning a human being."
3. Always remember to capitalize letters after using Question marks, exclamation marks and full stops.
4. "it struck me in that moment the authenticity of her statement, and Oh did I look into the future and attempt to imagine the effects of this unknown phenomenon."
Ans. "It struck me then, the authenticity of her statement, and oh, did I look into the future and attempt to imagine the effects of this unknown phenomenon.
5. "I am now fifty-one years old, gray hairs springing from my head--and this already!"
What do you mean by "...and this already!"?
6. "I beheld my clone not as an alien creature, but rather as a member of the human race"
Ans. " I beheld my clone not as an alien, a creature,, but rather, as a human, a member of our race."
7. "but alas, how was I to do this?"
Ans. "but how was I to do this?" or "but how was I to set about it?"
8. "But his blue eyes rang a deeper prospect of meaning to me"
Ans. "His blue eyes rang a deeper prospect of meaning to me"
9. "what lie behind the glossy blue of his pupil was mysterious to me"
Ans. "what lay behind the glossy blue of his pupils was a mystery. That which lay hidden in their depths seemed incomprehensible, even to the human mind."
10. "yet to fathom the life and wellness of a created being--rather, what the clone sees the world to be through its own eyes...truly extraordinary."
What do you mean by this sentence?
11. "My clone looked upon me--the soft pitter patter of midnight rain could be heard through a window--yes, nothing could spoil this precious moment! precious!"
Ans. "The soft pitter patter of midnight rain could be heard through a window as he looked towards me, and I felt, in that moment, that nothing could destroy us. Absolutely nothing." Or something along those lines.
12. "He is my past and future--surely what a great thing!"
Ans. "He is my past and my future. A person to be cherished and adored. Had I not done an incredible deed? Accomplished an impossible task? He is indeed a thing to behold!"
13. "He momentarily began to stir, and I could practically see the foggy mist clear from his eyes as he awoke--before he had been staring at me with what I conceived as more or less dead eyes, but now: the true awakening!"
Ans. "He began to stir, and I could practically see the foggy mist clear from his eyes as he awoke. Before, he had stared at me with what I conceived as dead eyes, but now! Now it was the true awakening!"
14. "This would mark the beginning--the beginning of a new time,"
Ans. "This would mark the beginning of a new time,"
15. "All that was seen as impossible should not be likewise, but rather they should be tried--and tried!"
Ans. "All that is seen as impossible would not be so, rather, it should be tried, experimented and taken apart at the seams until it is made possible!"
16. "the human mind...comprehension of such topics is just...no living man can describe it"
Ans. "to the human mind, the comprehension of such topics is indescribably, inexplicably mystifying. So much so, that no living man can define it."
17. "And the reason I say no living man...the deceased likely have all the answers, mocking our world because we’re doing everything wrong"
Ans. "The deceased, they are so enlightened! So regretful at their incapability to give us answers. But perhaps they are bitter, mocking our failures on this Earth."
18. "The future is similar to my creation: fresh and new! An awakening of not only my clone but also a world of plausible, and proposed, questions--with answers anew! "
Ans. "The future is to be similar to my creation: fresh and new! An awakening of not only my clone, but also a world of plausible, credible questions.
This time, with answers."

[wordman]

your very own clone sounds great to me

[Stars and Whales]

:) :) :) :)