One Man's Soul Version 2: Chapter 1

This is a new version of One Man's Soul in a different type of setup as the other; I want to see how this works...it will not be the same story.

Prologue

It was the middle of June by the time my eyes cracked open to allow light entrance. A crescent moon illuminated the sky with a refulgent beam. The bed in which I lay occupied multitudinous ash and areas of it looked as though melted by some omnipotent flame. I lifted my sore body from the bed, a sweltering sun stabbing at my eyes as I did so. Darkness evaded me, barricading my eyes from all but a slight red blur burning at my eyelids. When my eyes became once again capable of sight--true, comprehensible sight--the world around me became vivid and my imaginations became authentic. Rubble and fallen buildings lay scattered across the terrain, and I noticed then that the air smelt of smoke and eviscerated, decomposing animal bodies. The clouds were of a gray, tainted colour and looked ready to unleash havoc upon the world which they watched pass by. I think it funny--the way the clouds seem as though staring me down from the sky above as I had before watched them from the world below. 

Though the sky was dark and misty, as one perhaps would have thought of a starlit summer night,  the sun burned in the sky like a celestial fireball. I took a step from the bed as a vile gust of wind blew away some of the dusty, gray ash that covered the ground. Instantly my legs gave way and I tumbled to the ground atop what was a dilapidated billboard. As I made an attempt to read the bolded letters, my eyes became once again fuzzy and I had to shake my head violently to regain semi-normal focus. “LA Memorial Hospital” the billboard read.

LA. As in what? This brought back a slight recollection as I considered the words. Was this the Los Angeles in which I grew up? Was this the same City of Angels in which I fell asleep each night, comfortable under my own roof? The same city in which I pursued the field of science, intrigued by the biological factors that made up life? Silence subdued the smoggy air and seemed to become greater as the seconds ticked by. It was a louder silence than I had felt while in the coma I had just then awoken from--the coma that had kept me from witnessing what possibly could have happened.

I then felt a pain within my head that no man could possibly have described. There are truly no words for it, and I don’t even know why I felt the pain that I did. It was as if this lost city meant more to me than I could’ve ever imagined, and that the memories held beneath the rubble and ruin were something that I had once held dear. I felt this world was about to come full circle for me, and maybe the gray clouds in the sky would have a story to tell of what happened in the world below--on this day, and many days to come.

Reviews

[Bear]

When you suffer a coma there tends to be a gap in your memory that may or may not return, also when consciousness returns it isn't like waking up. My brother was out for a week after a car wreck and when he awoke he had no memory of what had happened for the last month. You might do some research, either online or if you know anyone who was ever in a coma talk to them.

The format, style and details are clean and concise, I like everything you have done here, but the coma thing is something that everyone who ever knew someone or was in one themselves is going to question the validity of your story line.

[SoberBunny]

My only complaint is that if he were in a coma, he probably wouldn't know he had been in a coma. But other than that, great descriptions and an interesting new start to the story. :) I loved the descriptions in the beginning, unique and eloquently put.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks, I will make the fix :)

[wordman]

pretty interesting write my friend .i enjoyed the read