Prologue

Prologue

“He did it Jack. It was him.” Irt said, his face compressed and serious.

Irt’s black cape whipped to and fro with the raging wind, his snow-white beard looking like an icy blizzard. His eyes were stern and cold, yet wielded a fire within them that satisfied a burning gleam. The wind, likely plundering in from northern Ripiga, embellished the atmosphere to light a striking, violent setting. Jack put his hand on his blazing Firecut. Though enveloped in the flames that amassed the weapon, all Zobbs were immune to the fiery touch. It could be held by hand to strike down any opponent who deem it wise to stray nearby. Jack gripped the weapon tightly, perpetuated by the belief that the wind itself would amass an army to attack at any moment.

“It is time for you to go home now, Jack. Your time is yet to come.” Irt said, putting a hand on Jack’s shaking shoulder. “Yes, Jack. Go back to your home across the Syrronial Path.”

“There’s nothing for me across that starry red-blue bridge! You know it! Since he killed my brother, the only person I had in the world, there has been no reason for my even living! No purpose!”

“You will go back to live with the Sauer family. But remember something, Jack. Wherever you are to go and whatever you are to do, time’s are changing, and the constantly repeated tales stand strong. They’re true. All of them. And Jack.” Irt paused. “Use them.”

The flames rippled from Jack’s Firecut along with the strength of the wind. “You have all you need, lad. Look around. A powerful light will be near you, always, wrapping up your every challenge. Follow the Syrronial Path and find it for yourself, home. Our Syrronial galaxy is immense and will forever be your home. Wherever you are in it, when hope seems at its least, the vastness of our universe should be enough to eradicate any fear you may feel. It is bound to take time for you to find your part in this universe, but the future will find you whether you look for it or not. The future comes no matter what, and then there’s no looking back. Trust the Syrronial Path, Jack.” Irt’s meek smile caused Jack to be filled with an embarrassed pride, making him feel good and bad at the same time. “You must go now. Remember who is on your side and who is not. Be wise.”

“No! I want to fight! No, Irt! I can’t hide out waiting for my life to mend itself! I want life that is really life, not a life that remains to be death! Please Irt!”

“I have no more words for you. Follow the Path. Trust it, Jack.”

Then he was gone. Almost as if swept away by the wind, Irt vanished and was completely, utterly, gone.

Jack cried out and whipped his Firecut from his side, blasting the brilliant flames from its top and feeling the tingling sensation as the weapon exerted flames through his veins and blood, turning his eyes red and fiery. His right arm, clutching the Firecut, looked like that of magma itself, and it looked ready to burst in a fiery blaze. Jack felt the inferno heat overcome him and widened his eyes as the darkness that surrounded him turned to a vibrant light. He looked up from where he stood. Ah. Once again, the rage of the sun welcoming him home.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

Great storytelling once again. I remember reading your screenplay and I thought that it was great. I like how you have adapted your screenplay skills into a single chapters.

Your talent as a writer really shines - the dialogue, structure and your descriptions are really well thought out and puts great vivid images into the readers head.

Mark.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you! That means a lot to me...really! Thanks for reading.

[matrixmark]

No problem. Always a pleasurr to read something which a person has taken their time over.
read moreNo problem. Always a pleasurr to read something which a person has taken their time over.


Mark.

[Richard Patrick]

The story is well written. You have brought the two characters to life, the reader wants to know more. Or rather this reader wants to know more about the story, It is a good opening, Great hook. I forgot about that right cross. Teasing. But you have enlisted the reader the desire to know more about the characters that you have write. I am drafted, but I don't want to be drafted, Where is that draft coming from? I don't know. Do you know?

[Tomoe Tellez]

Sorry, I took so long. It was a pleasure to read your writing once more. What I liked more about this prologue is the interaction between the two characters. You expose their personality with just the dialogue they share and your descriptions. Your way of describing these new worlds is your stronger point which helps a lot because of your genre. Great job my friend!

[SoberBunny]

Grammatically speaking, there should have been a coma. Sorry, commenting on Bear's comment. XD It's actually a stylistic choice if I remember correctly. Anyway nice prologue. :) I like the idea of the firecut, seems like a pretty badass weapon to have handy whilst treading Syrronial Path.

[HipsterPrincess17]

Nice prologue!!

This seems like a very cook Book

Cant wait to see chapter one!

Keep writing

Keep inspiring

Your friend
Lia

[Bear]

“He did it, Jack. It was him.” you don't need the comma, you would say "He did it Jack" all in one breath without a pause after IT.
Nice start, just enough info to peak my interest and enough action to draw me in so I would say it is a successful prologue and should have its readers coming back for the rest of the story, well done :~)

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you my friend. Glad you liked it.

[Matt M.]

Very well done. I like the way you used more of a descriptive analysis of your character that really puts a picture in the head. Your use of vocabulary was great and I can't wait for the rest.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you! Glad you liked it!

[Emily]

Great story!
Can't wait for more!
Keep it up!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Emily! would you say it was original?

[Emily]

Yes, very!

[Stars and Whales]

Ok :) people were saying it was like Luke Skywalker and I can see that, but I didn't want people to think that was my approach. Thank you.

[Mike Wolfe]

Well done sir! I see the beginnings of a fantastic story, you wove together two characters who seem to be very interesting. I cannot wait to see where this leads. You begin to form the questions that are needed to pull the reader deeper into the plot. You seem to be building a very unique world. I only have one piece of advice, your exposition seemed a tad forced. Unfortunately it is necessary evil of fantasy stories. If there was a way to introduce a lot of these unique concepts in a more subtle way, I would say go for it. Though, I must say, you are a very good writer and storyteller. I am enjoying your style and introduction to the plot. Your descriptions are on-point and dialogue is shining. Very well done, you have talent. I cannot wait to read more

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you Mike! I resent the invite to my group; hope you see it. Yes, I have reread this a few times and it does seem forced in places. Good point. Does it seem original to you? A lot of people are saying it hints Luke Skywalker, which I understand completely. But I hope it doesn't seem unoriginal because I wasn't thinking Star Wars with this, nor does my planned plot have anything to do with the Star Wars plot. Anyway, thanks a lot!

[Mike Wolfe]

It seems very unique, in the day and age of copycat dystopian YA thrillers (yes I'm looking at you Hunger Games, Divergent, and the Maze Runner), this was very original and fresh

[Stars and Whales]

Ok I'm glad! Thanks a lot!

[Willow Robertson]

This is a great story! I love the dialogue and the description! Keep it up. I can't wait to read what happens next.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks! That means a lot!