Part 1: Chapter 4

Thank you!

Chapter 4

Lora soon found herself eye in eye with her painting. Yes, for the Pinches had taken her there. They had dragged her through the black asphalt to the barren tree with the pair of eyes...S.Z’s eyes. Now, a little more backstory into that. Right around the time the world began to enter into its times of darkness and danger, S.Z’s heart began to darken as well, but not in the same evil way of the others. A depressed shadow would describe it better, and S.Z carved his eyes onto that barren tree as a way of looking far out at his ruined world through the roots of a tree.

“Stupid girl...you think you can just get away with anything nowadays. Well, the Constabulary Pinch has your name down now.” The Pinch named Trutt spoke powerfully, his gang of nearly twenty more of them gathered round. He tugged on Lora’s hair as she winced in pain. “Look at this tree, girl! I said look at it! What do you see?”

Lora felt inner strength within her to speak with meaning, and with truth. She brought out all the emotion she could muster, and spoke with her eyes wide open. “I...I see our world. Wrapped up by a moldy exterior. Emptiness and brokenness is heavy on every branch, every aspect of our world. Trees sprout hope, but this one holds none.  And you, Trutt! You’re wicked, you’re false. No leaves on your branches. No, sir! But I would like to think for myself that I have at least one leaf left on me, in me, and it is growing quickly, as well as spreading prosperously. I’d like to see the world change. I’d like to see this tree grow and flourish. I’d like to see the world go back to the way it was when evil had not yet overcome us.”

Trutt slapped Lora hard across the face. “How dare you defy me, weakling! I am superior to you in every way...you...you have no right to speak to me in this way! And what the hell is that stupid little phrase or whatever it is you made up? Trees don’t grow leaves, and that’s the way it should be. Nature doesn’t thrive, and it never will! So shut up and keep your stupid, threatening imagination to yourself!”

He kicked her in the stomach. She winced in terrible pain. “I...I’ll see you on MassDeath Day!” she said.

“MassDeath Day? You’ll be dead within an hour of this year’s Death Day. You’ve got enemies, and as I said we have your damn name down.” He laughed and voiced a sarcastic tone. “Good luck, stupid girl. You have no chance!”

MassDeath Day was the one day of the year that everyone could kill to satisfy their desire, their thirst, for blood and death. Every day throughout the rest of the year, other than Death Day, they were all held to an unspoken rule, containing them in, at the very least, a small barricade of peace. Yes, for they wanted to function partially in the same way as they once did with government, and for one reason and one reason only. It was because they didn’t want to die off completely as a species. They recognized this up and coming doom, and decided, as a whole, not to kill off the entire race of man, one by one, murder by murder. Of course, the rest of the world was now drawn into America’s conflict, though they tried to stay separate and out of world war. But of course, within the confines of the “free” American land, the People all had to agree on having one day which they could murder other humans as much as they so desired. The sun may not burn forever, but the People would get their wish as it pertains to killing.

The large, boiling-hot sun beat down its heated rays upon the disgusting excuse for a tree. It also beat down on the disgusting excuse for a human being, Trutt, who was enraged, and he shoved Lora to the ground. “You’ll never have a chance against me, fool! You’re just a stupid, oblivious little girl!”

Lora looked up from the dusty ground. Her eyes glistened with tears. “I guess you’re right, Trutt. I am oblivious. Oblivious to the world I thought I once knew. Oblivious to what I believed this world to be, once upon a time. And oblivious to the depraved morals of human life.” She lifted her voice now, almost shouting. “While you, on the other hand, are kissing these morals on the a*s! I pity you, and your worthless friends. You’re a wretch, as well as an extremely inadequate addition to the human race!”

“Damn you, Lora! To hell with you, you miserable being. I’m appalled at you, disrespecting me as such. You will respect me the way an individual is required to respect the Pinches. We may not be an official department, but I’ll be damned if we can’t teach your a*s a lesson. Come on, boys.”

Trutt and a few other Pinches in the gang grouped around her. Lora felt a powerful kick in her stomach, but to her it felt like her insides had been sent into a black hole, never to return. In her mind it felt as if her brain had a heartbeat, and it pumped and beat into what felt like a shriveled cucumber. She couldn’t breathe, and the heat from the sun made her sweat an ocean. Her eyes were shut tight, and darkness took over. And so she lay there in the dirt, accepting the pain as a “prize” for her “transgressions”. She felt herself falling away into a void of darkness, bright lights surrounding her. Then she saw the tree, within her mind: it was a fully prosperous tree now, with beautiful green leaves. Starting from the very bottom, at the roots, it grabbed the ground in the way someone would wrap their fingers around a shiny, red apple. The trunk was fresh and dark brown, though wide and uneven in a way such as one would imagine several of the People huddled together in a group, trying to stay out of the blistering rain with a single umbrella. The trunk is also extremely tall, and then at the top it begins to branch out as if the rain had ceased and the People under the umbrella were beginning to go their separate ways.There were tight knots on the trunk, like that of a grandmother's wobbly knees. The crusty bark on the trunk was rough and crumbly, and there was gash in the trunk, with sap oozing out like blood when you accidentally swipe your finger along a sharp surface.

There were as many leaves as hairs on Lora’s head, as guns in America, and each leaf was as large as her palm and shaped in the same way. It was a beautiful sight, but Lora knew it was just a dream. But was it really only that?

Lora later woke in S.Z’s guest bed. S.Z was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking calm. “Prosh Prosh, Lora. Nice to see you awake. You gave me such a scare when I found you out there in a pool of blood.”

Lora could barely open her eyes. Her eyes watered at the sight of S.Z. She had so much to tell him. She breathed heavily. Her voice cracked and was hoarse. “S.Z...oh…” She sobbed. “I...I...I don’t…” Her breaths were filled with sorrow and grief, and she held back the resist to scream at the top of her lungs. She sniffed. “S.Z...they...MassDeath Day...forgotten who humans are supposed to be…” She let the tears fall now.

“Lora, just let me talk for now. I can tell something horrible must have happened. I see worry in your eyes on my behalf. But I’m okay…” He gave a chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Nobody sliced my head off in the past 24 hours. But you...I can see fire in your eyes, hatred even, as well as a distinct sadness. But of course, as always, Prosh Prosh, Lora.”

Lora assumed, through the burning pain in her mind, that this Prosh Prosh from S.Z meant something consoling, with a comforting feeling to it. This as opposed to the usual comedic use S.Z put into it.

S.Z started again. “Um, I picked up something special from Coffee for you, Lora…” He grabbed a cup of coffee from the small, round table beside him. “It, um...it’s special because I managed to convince those boring, old men to pour some cream in for you, instead of the usual plain, black coffee. I hope you like it, they charged me an extra five bucks. But it was worth it, Lora. This is me assuming you went through worse than I can ever imagine.”

S.Z started to hum as Lora drank. Then he began to sing softly.

“Earth, you are my world

You are my planet

So please stop the madness

and stop the insanity

For you are more than I can take

Earth, oh please

Give us a break

Stop the swarms

and stop the pain

Pick me up when

I’m falling down

Stop the madness

Stop the death

Stop the darkness

and stop the sweat

For this is more than I can take”

S.Z stopped. Lora began to sob. S.Z slammed his fist onto the table. He cried. He screamed. He wept.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Please be honest.

Reviews

[Zoe]

This, this, is truly amazing. The detail isn't like any other detail I've seen. It's so abstract and bold-perfect for the tone and atmosphere. I just love the tree's symbolism of blooming and the leaves, ugh. It's amazing. It may take me a while to finish reading it because I am so busy, but I will finish and review most of them. Keep writing, for you have true, hard-core talent that can give you a bright future.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you so much! I really do want to be a published author and I appreciate your positive feedback! If you ever need any help from me, please do ask.

[Living_Shadowz]

How old is Lora and s.z I remember s.z saying like 38 years ago but I be like hopin he like 20 or something cause I like stories about young people I guess

[Willard Wells]

I am into this one a few chapters and still reading even with it being a bit out of my comfort zone as far as story line is concerned, but I am still here. Very vivid with great imagery.

[Coyote Poetry]

The chapter was very good. A lot of emotion and thoughts. You open the door to new thoughts and possibilities. I liked the poem in the story. Gave balance and strength to the tale. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[KYLEtheHUTT]

I'm back to reading on WritersCafe and finally getting around to reading Chapter 4.

I like the descriptive writing, all of it was really good with the exception of the part where you talked about her brain pumping and beating into a shriveled cucumber. I don't know how her head throbbing compares to a shriveled cucumber, so that description really made me tilt my head to the side like a confused puppy. I would probably re-write that one if it was me, but I leave that to you as it is your story.

The chapter was good, but short. It seemed very episodic. I'm not sure if you intended for this to be a YA Novel or if you want it to be a true novel, I would look into expanding the chapters more if you wanted it to be a full novel... For example, chapter three and four seem like they should be one chapter to me instead of two different chapters.

I don't think I really saw any grammatical errors or typos, so good job there.

The description for the tree that she imagined was pretty good, so great job with that.

Still don't know how to imagine S.Z or Lora, so I really, REALLY hope we get a good description of them soon. We're four chapters in now and still haven't really given the readers a good description of the main characters.

Other than that. I think it's good. I enjoyed reading it.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you! This advice is very helpful. I think with this concept it should be a true novel, but I'm young and I basically only read YA novels. If you could give me some tips on how to make this more professional, that would be amazing, though you have already given some excellent advice! Thanks!

[Calibaster]

Really random. All of the things I said earlier still stand, but mostly just slow down, give characters their own voices, 'cause not everyone is as eloquent as writers, and give more background without actually saying that you are.

Other than that, this is really good. I just thought you'd like to know—you're like the best at descriptions that I've ever read. Seriously, when you were describing that tree it was fantastic, and yet not overly long. You're doing great, keep it up.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks! That means a lot. I think the edits I'm going to make because of you are going to make this story a lot better, because I see what you mean when I read through it! Thanks again!

[Calibaster]

You are very welcome!

[Tomoe Tellez]

Sorry I took so long. I really liked to finally see what Lora thought of her world's state and actually express it out loud without caring what they were going to do to her, that show just how brave she is. You great at showing not telling, and I liked seeing a different emotion on S.Z., even if it was sad, but still you are letting us get to know your characters and their qualities. By the way, if you wrote that song, let me tell you that it sounds like a bittersweet lullaby, and I loved it. Keep up the great work!

[Stars and Whales]

Yes haha I actually wrote that little song off the top of my head...it isn't too complex but I tried to sing it in my head to see how it sounded. i hope the reader will be able to find a beat too. I posted Chapter 5; could you review for me? Thanks a lot. Your reviews help me a lot.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Of course, and you are welcomed.

[alifeacoustic]

Superb so far Zane. Sign of a good story is when you really hate the nasty characters, and I am really looking forward to seeing them get what's coming, hopefully. It may seem futile to fight, but every army is built on agreeing things need to change. Two people soon become four, who become eight...Let's hope sanity wins.

[Stars and Whales]

We'll just have to wait and see won't we :) haha

[Daughter of Darkness]

I love the book so far. Your very talented and you should keep writing. If you really do want to be a published author you should stick to it. Your sure to make it.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you! WOW! Well, that is what I want, by the way. Is it really hard to be published? Oh, and also...I'm basing this off of my fear for the world. I think novels are going to turn into an all, only, online thing, and for free! Then nobody is going to read or write anymore. In this day and age, that is what I see.

[Daughter of Darkness]

I don't know if it's really hard to get published but people say it is. But, there are also self publishing companies and you can find some examples on this site actually. I would want someone else to publish it though, I would want to know I'm good enough. I've wanted to be a writer,as well, for long as I can remember

[Bear]

This is to acknowledge I have read this chapter and will review when the next two chapters are posted :~)