Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“And...#411!” Tyre, a redhead with muscular features, announced devilishly, putting the attending Zobbs in uproar. A short, chubby faced Zobb with stringy, white hair winced in horror, every ounce of his face filled with terror.The weekly Pluck had been completed, and #411 would soon be the sun’s scapegoat. The sun was in its red giant stage, and it bubbled in the orange-red sky awaiting the return of another of its previous occupants. The sun would take #411 for itself, and this Zobby would spend the rest of his days burning in the sun’s hellish confines.

“Zick! It’s okay, laddie! The Prine is out of control! But a day will come when we’ll live in a land of green, and of blue. You’ll be there when this happens, my friend.” It was the voice of #776. He was sitting beside #411, whom he liked to refer to as “Zick.” #776, in a small attempt to restore what he thought of as a normal life, had chosen nicknames for each and every Zobb. He liked to refer to himself as Burn. It was a feeble attempt, yet a normal life with real names and real conversation pertained not only to a normal life, but a life worth living. Yes, he was trying to give Zick some hope, even if just a little hope.

Zick’s bow-legged legs wobbled as he walked slowly to Tyre. Tyre spoke. “To honor your people in such a way as this is truly extraordinary! We know you will be welcomed home with open arms. Now, let us send him off, as usual, with our Universal Address.” Tyre paused as a menacing smile formed on his face. “Everyone...please welcome the Prine to our hospitality! And by that, I mean everyone is required to warmly welcome him or they will be accompanying #411 to the sun.”

The Prine was not a Zobb. No, rather he was a thought, a reason, a meaning, and a definition; as was he a place, a world, and a universe. Moreover, and differentiating in a way from the others...he was fire.

A rippling voice boomed through the air from nowhere. It filled the air and sent a virtual flame through Burn’s interior. “Death belongs to me. We are death. You for me and me for you. The darkness belongs to me. I am darkness. Yet I am the light. Unity exists because of me. But Unity would separate us. I am your soul...allow me to see it.”

Flames burst from the skies but then conversed into darkness. The light of that day had dispersed, and the time had come for Zick. “Deliver him…” the voice echoed.

Burn felt rage fill his brain, yet he refrained from acting upon this anger. No tears fell, and no sorrow could be seen on his face. The Prine had everybody convinced that what he was doing was universally sound...that it was to be desired. Burn was against it all, and every last word rang in his mind as a lie.

Zick held in tears as he stood, shaking, in front of the crowd. Tyre, as well as several others that Burn perceived as lower in command, lifted Zick in the air and proceeded to shout in the direction of the sun. “Let death not take him, but we offer his soul! #411!”

Tyre glared at the crowd. “Hey, join in! We gotta get louder!”

Several people began to shout  “#411” the same way Tyre and his crew had been. “Hey! Damnit, I said join in!” Then Tyre pulled out an InfernoGun and shot a voiceless Zobb in the front row. The fiery projectile burned in his chest and exploded seconds later.

“#411!” could be heard incredibly loud throughout the crowd then, but Burn remained silent.

The next couple seconds happened very fast. First, Zick evaporated into a fiery blaze and was gone. The instant this happened, the sun lit up and vivid light shone throughout the land once more. A loud cheer erupted amidst the crowd, and Zobbs embraced one another in complete joy. But darkness took Burn away from it all, regardless of the restored light. 

"When we found this world, it was prosperous and flourishing. Now all that remains is the evil that we brought with us when we came." he thought.

Reviews

[Cyndy Robinson]

Wonderful imagination and I especially like the the last line, kind of casting these people with some of the same problems humans had. Very interesting and moves with a nice flow. Makes you want to read more of it.
Suggestion: Chapter 1 second paragraph :"It was a feeble attempt, yet a normal life with real names and real conversation pertained not only to a normal life, but a life worth living." Is awkward to me consider maybe breaking it into two sentences. Something like It was a feeble attempt at a normal life. Real names and real conversation pertain not only to a normal life, but a life worth living. There isn't anything wrong with the way it is currently written, its just for some reason my eye wants to read at a normal life inspite of the comma and I had to reread it.
Great Story!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Cyndy! This helps me out!

[CF Crous]

Hay man! Poor zobbies =]...okay firstly, something
I have learned recently. Your story should be able
to stand independent of your prologue. People hate reading
prologues, even if there is a lot of interesting info in it.
People don't want to hear the whole back story in one go.
The art is integrating your back story into your chapters.
look at all the famous fantasy novels...We didn't now about
Gollems history before the second book...Now people wil be
interested, they will be keen to know more about this character
they've been reading so much about. You always need to keep
things from your reader...to urge them on

[Kay]

Wow, this is wicked! I especially love the character's names--very unique! The dialogue is also creative and shows the Zobbs philosophy of life and death. This is soooo dark! I love it! I can't imagine being in a world that chooses individuals to be sacrificed to the sun in order to maintain life and light, and make people believe it's a good thing. What really gave me the shivers was this: “Let death not take him, but we offer his soul! #411!” I truly think you awesome going here and I can't wait to read the next chapters! Awesome. :)

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks! I am going to connect "Through Voids of Darkness," "Burn," and "One Man's Soul," into a series. Through Voids of Darkness is first, then One man's soul, then Burn. So you will see how the Proth people in Through Voids of Darkness escape their world, go to Earth, and ultimately the humans take over and the Demolition War takes place after they kill off the Proth people from their world. Then in One man's soul it tells of the destruction of the human race and the path they are taking. Then in Burn, the humans are all gone, as you can see. Eventually, in Burn, Earth is destroyed. But in each book, there is hope until all hope is lost. Thank you for reading, and I really appreciate all your feedback!

[Kay]

Sweeeet! Thank you for telling me the Book order so I can read it properly. I just clicked on this and read it and really liked the story. So, I'll definitley start reading Through Voids of Darkness! ;P

[Yaz]

Yet another awesome chapter. Written in a way I wouldn't have thought would work but it does. Can't explain why but it's awesome. Well done

[SoberBunny]

I read this before but I didn't review I guess. XD I agree with Alondra T.N. though. The scene definitely illustrates how accustomed the Zobbs are to this life even though it is sick and twisted and sad. I especially the love the difference in dialogue styles between the way Burn narrates and the way the Prine talks. “Death belongs to me. We are death. You for me and me for you." as opposed to “Zick! It’s okay, laddie! The Prine is out of control!" great job there in the difference of species and motives. :) Can't wait to see what happens next, the sun's kind of a big bad guy to take on haha

[Tomoe Tellez]

This was a good chapter, sad because of what happened to Zick, but you wrote a great scene.
I like the way you described Fire as is it was a living being almost, and it prepares you or what is about to happen to Zick. Poor guy.
It was shocking how Tyre killed that other Zobb and no one gave him a second thought, I mean even Burn felt sad about Zick, but I guess this shows just how used the Zobbs are to this life they have, they all seem to truly believe it is necessary for them to be happy that one of them must be sacrificed.
I really liked this because you reminded me of how humanity sends of soldiers to fight battles without caring the number of people are going to die and the soldiers themselves believe that sacrificing their lives is necessary.
I find that you have a good balance with your dialogue and descriptions. In my opinion, I couldn't point out any advice other than this is chapter made out of only one scene, I wanted more :), but then again that's only the way I think, I make long chapters, you can have your own style and it would be alright. Great write!