Chapter 1

Chapter 1

50 years later...Under the wavy, deep blue skies of the Planet Proth, Brent Wharwood slowly opened his eyes to the start of a new day. His light blue skin toned down the vivid, bright green of his eyes. He sat up in bed, his dirty blond hair swaying to the morning breeze. “What to do today?” he thought.

The possibilities were truly endless. He could play binpball with his friends. He could ride his esteemed Mogwort through the red woodland. Or he might even be able to go for a swim in Lomgarrian's Cove. One thing Brent loved to do was explore. To him, discovery would be something extraordinary. The chance at change was something irresistible. Yet nobody else on Proth thought along the same lines as Brent. They liked things as they were, and to change would be prudent.

Brent took a step outside of his small, wooden home and gazed up to the sky. He lay in the grass of his front yard and took a deep breath of the salty morning air. As usual he felt wrapped up in wonder and confusion. Nobody on Proth had ever explored “Upper Proth,” as the actively drifting sky was referred to by everyone who cared to bring up the subject. Nor had anyone felt a need to discover what lies beyond, because, frankly, what does it matter?

As Brent looked out upon the world he knew, he saw nothing but hopelessness. The wooden homes were worn and battered. The fields were dead and in ruin. Brent also noticed the solid, gray ground was turning murky and polluted in areas: almost as though they were becoming not so different from mankind themselves. But nonetheless, the Proth people remained in high spirits.

Now, I suppose these Proth people could do with a bit of a description nowadays, because to be honest, who knows what types of unlikely creatures could be reading this. Imagine if a man got their grubby hands on this! All I can really say is, it's a good thing nobody on Proth knows of the existence of mankind, for Proth people never bothered to wonder if anything lie beyond their world, nor did they care. They were safe within their walls, and that is all that mattered. Anyway, Proth people are neither big, nor are they small. Size is an illusion: the opinion of larger beings towards Proth people will be largely different than that of smaller beings. They have no magical blood; nothing about them pertains hints to an irregular being. Parents leave their child to fend for themselves upon reaching “the Age.” The Age is when a young one reaches the point of mental stability and proper functionality (meaning they can think for themselves and they acquire the common knowledge that if they don’t do all things necessary to survive, they simply won’t). But the children are as children are, and they know how to have fun.

Proth was all one large city, and some people referred to this city as Prine. It was ruled by Rillous, the short, brown haired person that had left Proth in a tyrannical abyss. Proth was covered by a solid, crystal dome separating them from whatever lie beyond.

Brent viewed life as a possibility. That and that alone. A possibility of discovering something new. A possibility at making life interesting. But most of all, Brent Wharwood viewed life as a possibility to make change.

And as he lay there in the grass, and pondered these things, Old Irt strode on up the road leading to Brent’s home, his white beard flailing every which way with the wind. Old Irt had been involved in Brent's life ever since he was a baby. Old Irt was found living alone and abandoned many, many years before, and he had always been somewhat of an outcast. In fact, he was always demeaned and avoided because of his different colored skin. He had paler skin than the other’s light blue skin, and his could be considered almost white. The only person who accepted Old Irt for who he was and respected his opinions was Brent. In fact, Old Irt had even saved Brent's life one time. But we'll get to that later.

Of course, Brent’s parents had gone and left him by now, as he is clearly a very intelligent individual. So Brent was alone in his thoughts until Old Irt was standing before him.

“Good morning, Brent.” Old Irt said, his voice scratchy and worn, as you would expect from someone as terribly old as Irt.

Brent sat up in a start, completely perturbed by this sudden arrival. “Oh, Irty, it’s just you. Well, good morning, I wasn’t expecting anyone today.”

“Completely alright, young Brent.” Old Irt paused to take a deep breath. “I just wanted to stop by and see if you’d be at all interested in escorting me to the Barren Badlands.You’ve been there once before, of course. I need to speak to Rillous.”

Brent raised his eyebrows and gave an expression indicating he clearly didn’t want to go back to the Badlands. “Irty...you know I’d do anything for you after what you did for me. But back there? Those are evil grounds, Irt.”

“I’m not just asking you because I want you to go. I need you to go, Brent. Nobody else can be of assistance to me...it is necessary that you are the one. You do not understand now, Brent, but you hear me now, you will. You will.”

Brent opened his mouth as if to speak in opposition, but decided against it. “I just don’t know, Irty. You’re wise, there’s no doubt about that. If you need me to go, I’ll go. But if there is any way I can see my parents again before I go...I haven’t seen them in years, Irt, years! You know it’s not safe, so I just want to see them before I go.”

Old Irt jabbed a finger to Brent’s chest. He spoke loud and clear, enunciating every word with meaning. “Good, Brent. Good. You will see this is all for the greater good. Go to your parents. Tell them everything. Blame me: they know you’re indebted to me. Meet me by the silver gate at half past noon in two days.”

Then Old Irt started down the dusty trail, his worn legs struggling not to collapse every few steps. Brent returned into his home then, reciting Old Irt’s words in his head. “Go to your parents. Tell them everything. Go to your parents. Tell them everything. Meet me by the silver gate at half past noon…”

“That I will do.” Brent thought. “That I will do.”

Author's Note

Don't be afraid to be critical!

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: You want to build the illusion in your readers mind that this is another world so things like plywood brings them right back to here. I would change it to something new like polywood, man made things either wont exist on Proth or it would have a name fit for that planet. Also don't get into the bad habit of over using the saying something twice to give the statement impact. It will lose the effect quickly, in my opinion you did it to many times already. You can get by if you make it a habit of one of the characters, which you would explain through the narration.
Review: Intriguing, you peeked my interest and have me wanting to read more so well done :~)

[Stars and Whales]

I will make some changes! Thanks!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Bear said it all my friend. Keep going.

[Madeeha]

I like the overall concept of this story. It's an engaging piece of writing and I like reading dialogues. Here is my honest review of this piece

1. I like to feel the environment. I love to become a part of this story.
"gazed up to the sky" and "He lay in the grass". I like to feel them. Why not show them to your readers?
2. (Yet nobody else on Proth thought along the same lines as Brent.) I guess there must be a comma after yet.

Regards and best of luck!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Madeeha. Appreciate it.

[George Peck]

By the way can't wait til there is more and Thank You for sharing

[George Peck]

I like the flow of this story and it is defiantly captivating . This is a very good start you might want more details but me I love to imagine the story in my head and when people don't describe every detail that gives me room to imagine things the way I want and I like that but some would like more details. All depends on what you want.

[Stars and Whales]

I'm working on Chapter 2 right now. I'll keep you updated. Thank you!

[LapseOfMind]

Definitely a good start! It does need some polishing though. A good run through or two to catch misused words and such. All in all a good start though and it promises to be quite an interesting tale. Keep it up so we can read more

[Stars and Whales]

Ok I'll be sure to do some self-editing later tonight.

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks a lot!

[Amy R]

I am already hooked on this book, can't wait for more chapters! :)
they're quite interesting, keep up the good work....

[wordman]

loved the story,would be an interesting concept

[Stars and Whales]

:) Thanks bro

[butterfly desire]

I like this the thought of another race of
beings beside us is very intriguing
Iam hooked though I would like to read
the whole book before I judge but
so far great writing

[Arrow&Heartland]

some advice for other chapters: dont be afraid to add in couples and like animals and mysterious creatues like animal mixtures, just some advice! X3!

Sincerely, Arrow&Heartland

[Stars and Whales]

Trust me...I'm not :)

[TheOne&Only]

Interesting write so far. I sense the build up! A great way to keep a reader interested. Ill keep reading as the chapters keep coming. Thanks for sharing.

[Spilt Stardust]

I sense some action...
Is that just me?
I love all of your writing!
I'm not a professional, so it's harder for me to find flaws.
And honestly, if this was published and sold, no one would care about a simple flaw or two. I would buy this book! I think winky faces have become my trademark. Guess what? I'm learning guitar! Yay! Now I can become a rock chick! And GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😉

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you so much, rock chick! Good luck with your guitar!

[Spilt Stardust]

Thx! Lol. 😉