Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by Stars and Whales

Prologue


A long time ago, on the Planet Earth, there lived a man. Now, of course the question you are wondering is, “What exactly is a man?” Well, technically, a “man” is an alien of sorts, but these creatures can also be referred to as many things: a sinner, a deceiver, a careless oaf...yes, the race of man could easily be described for many hours. This man was no different, and his name was Owen I. Hurst.

Owen, a brown haired miscreant, began the origin of his relation to the Proth people one late, summer night when he was scuba diving far down on the ocean floor.

He was down very deep when he saw it.

Glowing in the void of darkness was a spherical object about the size of a baseball (a sport widely known on Planet Earth). Owen swam down towards the object to get a closer look. He went right up to it, curious. He peered down deep into it, transfixed by its crystal haze. He picked it up, mesmerized by its beauty. But something happened down there when Owen picked up that crystal ball...something that really never should have happened. For this was no ordinary crystal ball in the deepest part of the ocean on the Planet Earth. No, not at all.

This was the Planet Proth.



© 2015 Stars and Whales


My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Hi Zane! I caught a few grammatical/spelling errors. I believe "brown haired" is "brown-haired"; "towards" should be "toward"; and I think "the" before "Planet Earth" feels bulky.

The second paragraph could be expanded. Is Owen scuba diving for his job, relaxation, etc?

Overall, it is mysterious and engaging. Looking forward to more!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

I have posted Chapter 1, actually, if you would like to take a look! Thanks a lot!
Arrow&Heartland

9 Years Ago

i liked it keep up the good work! Sincerely, Arrow&Heartland
Thoren

9 Years Ago

You have your audience captivated. The writing style reminds me of Douglas Adams but less silly. An.. read more



Reviews

i liked it ... and specially the way that you describe the events ! well done


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

appreciate it!
Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

Anything I could have done better?
far_ah

9 Years Ago

well, for me it was perfect
I think the prologue of your story is quite interesting :)!!
Thank You for sharing with me :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

philosophical* sorry I'm typing on my phone haha

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm already intrigued. Keep going! I want to read more. I like the philophosical approach

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I rather like your writing style, and your grammar and punctuation is excellent which is refreshing. My only recommendation, and this is just my opinion, for this piece is perhaps to avoid starting with 'A long time ago...' as it sounds a little cliched to me i.e. ...in a galaxy far away. I like the scope of the story and it does leave me curious as to what is happening next, and leaves the readers with questions like why is Planet Proth so small? I also like that word miscreant! Overall very good and it does leave me wanting to read more of your work.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

I'm working on Chapter 1 right now!
Writers have thier own unique way of writing. I can write some good stuff, but nothing like that! You used a lot of
Interesting vocabulary, like a chef uses seasoning to spice his dish up! Honestly, I can't wait to read this! Do me a favor and don't quit on writing it. I have started to read some good stories/books but then the author always deletes it or stops writing (for example, a book called Spin the Bottle). Good job! I can't find any flaws to this artwork except for maybe the use of "he" a lot, like the other guy said. 😉

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

I noticed that too when reading it. I'm trying to find a way to fix it without changing what I'm try.. read more
Nice start. It definitely seems to lead into a great story. Suggestions:
"...when he was scuba diving far down on the ocean floor.
He was down very deep when he saw it. ". A bit redundant. Tighten up or combine.
"Owen swam down towards the object to get a closer look. He went right up to it, curious. He peered down deep into it, transfixed by its crystal haze. He picked it up, mesmerized by its beauty."
Also a bit redundant. Chop out some of it so it tightens up. You could turn all of that into one sentence.
These are just suggestions, take them as you like.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

Thanks Lapse, that helps.
This could be very interesting. Personally I would like to see this go down the path of Owen finding himself being a father to this planet (Almost in a Monsters Inc kind of way) or he feels like he is responsible in some way for this small planet. However if this planet had like radioactive properties and it became something that had to be destroyed, that could also be quite compelling. I think something along the lines of him becoming a protector of this planet would be quite emotionally involving and also a compelling story.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

Well thank you! Do you want me to read anything of yours in particular?
Jack Burney-Cumming

9 Years Ago

I have a novel idea called 'Four Dragons' which I would like some feedback on. It's only a brief ove.. read more
Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

K I will go over it soon.
Something I noticed was that you used "he" to start like 3 sentences in a row. Change it up a bit, maybe even just rearrange words. "curious, he went right up to it."
"peering down, deep into it, he was transfixed by its crystal haze."
Etc.

Keep running with it; it seems interesting. Add some depth and detail, some description for sure. Describe the surroundings, perhaps the orb had crystalized the plants around it, or maybe it's amidst rubble... Where is he scuba diving? Perhaps somewhere ambiguous in the Bermuda triangle... Only making suggestions to recommend more to the scenario.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Stars and Whales

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the critique! Appreciate it!
Science fiction...or fantasy? or both. Not really my thing, but this seems interesting. :) keep going, i'm lookin forward to readin the chapters. 100 rating.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


2
next Next Page
last Last Page
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

805 Views
20 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 29, 2015
Last Updated on September 4, 2015


Author

Stars and Whales
Stars and Whales

Middle Earth, The Shire



About
"Even Darkness Must Pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer." -Samwise Gamgee I love to write, and I hope to become a published writer some day. I ho.. more..

Writing
Prologue Prologue

A Chapter by Stars and Whales



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..