Chapter 6

The journey begins.

Chapter 6

“Now, Hornan, it's going to be a long time before we return, so it’s gonna be a lot of walkin’. Keep your eyes and ears open for anything unordinary.” Gun was marching ahead of Hornan, his wild beard flailing every which way with the wind. The two of them were in a grassy field, mountains in view that peaked as high as the clouds, the radiant sun beaming upon all nature. The gentle creaking and whispering of the leaves welcomed Hornan and Gun to the astounding paradise. Hornan appreciated the beauty more than anything ever before, for Mogbottom wasn’t the prettiest of homes.

Hornan then thought back on his life before, and what he was now set out to do. He had not once considered how drastically his life had changed since his father had been killed.

“So Gun, what’s your life been like?” Hornan asked as they walked.

Gun smiled. “Well, Hornan...one could say I’ve had quite a life. It was very bizarre growing up not knowing, you know, what I am. Ah know I must’ve had parents. I mean...I know ah did. I just don’t remember them. Not one second of them. Never met nobody like me and never expect to. Ah grew up by myself, without a home or nothin...just had to live wherever I could and live off of whatever I could. You could say I learned a lot about life out there...alone in the fields, sleeping under the stars every night. Well...I’m glad ah met you Hornan...yer a good kid.”

Hornan raised his eyebrows. “Oh. Well...sounds like you had it tougher than me, Gun. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Hornan. Ah’m fine. Always been.”

“Ok. Well, Gun...I’m glad you’re with me. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, unnecessarily.”

“Aw, no problem, Hornan. I appreciate you sayin’ that.”

Suddenly the sound of quick feet plundering the ground could be heard coming in their direction. “Oh...no! Hornan, follow me. We have to hide.”

“What? Gun? What’s going on!” Hornan asked as they ran off the path. As they crouched behind a bush, Gun replied. “See fer yerself, Hornan.”

Huge wolf like creatures bounded along the grassy path. “Those are Bogrags, Hornan. Dangerous if they get close enough. Practically blind, they are, but their scent is unmatched in these parts.”

The pack of Bogrags seemed to have passed by, but Gun and Hornan stayed put another couple minutes just to be sure. “Can we go now, Gun?”

Gun exhaled heavily out of his nose. “Well, alright, Hornan, I think we’re safe now. Let’s get going.”

As Hornan got up and brushed himself off, a huge Bograg leapt from behind him, tackling him to the ground. It’s claw grazed Hornan’s face, leaving a huge gash on his cheek, seeping heaps of blood. Gun stood, bellowing bloody murder, and punched the aggressive animal in it’s stomach. Then Gun grew double his size, frightening the Bograg enough for it to frantically run away.

“Hornan... are you okay?” Gun asked, shrinking back to his normal size.

“It’ll...uh...it’ll be okay, Gun.” Hornan squeezed out the words through intense pain.

“And...I didn’t know you could do that!”

“Well, now you know, Hornan, now you know. C’mon we’d better find a safe place to sleep for the night, you need rest.”

After walking a while, they find a large tree with lots of shade around it. “This is the spot, Hornan. It’ll be cold, that’s for sure, as well as windy, but we should be safe here.”

“It’s perfect, Gun. I’m looking forward to sleeping under the stars...sort of like you did, huh? ”

Gun grinned. “Sleep well.”

Night comes quick, and Hornan found a nice, flat place to try to get some sleep.  Already hundreds of stars were emerging out of the black sky and showing off their smiles in a radiant beam from the heavens. These dazzling stars are beacons of hope for all the lost and desperate souls of the world, and they look as if a large hand had tossed diamond dust into the sky. These stars give off their warmth freely, shimmering in the absolute darkness. In places they are golden and blue, glittering in their heavenly finery. The ones furthest away, almost outside the span of comprehension, look like flashing lightbulbs in a veil of darkness. They have a faint, silver tint and they look like they were the distant, glittering sparks from an angel. It seemed that there was a wild, tremendous party with fireworks and fire in outer space and Hornan felt privileged to witness it.

He soon falls soundly asleep to the gentle creaking of moon-splashed trees, whispering leaves, and the hoot of a ghostly owl.

“Goodnight, Hornan.” Gun whispers.

Reviews

[MightyMouse]

The longer I read your work, the more I notice the mistakes. They're good, but they lack details. Without the necessary details I find it hard to get attached to your characters. I feel you should work on making the character-reader connection since characters are the ones who carry the story. Of course, this is an opinion. Do with it what you will.

[Stars and Whales]

I totally agree. People say I'm very good at describing setting and feelings, but not at developing characters through dialogue and actions. Do you have an tips for how I can improve at these things. I haven't gotten much advice on actually how to do that.

[MightyMouse]

Just think of people. That's how I do it. I take all the things I know about myself and my friends and family and I write it.
Example: Let's say you meet someone at a bus station. You wouldn't become totally attached to that person by just looking at them and exchanging a few words. In one of your stories you would probably say something like "There was a man at the bus station reading a large newspaper and leaning against the wall. He was average in height and build with friendly green eyes and short curly brown hair. Seeing as I was lost, I stopped and asked him for directions. He glanced over the edge of his newspaper at me. Quickly, he pulled a pair of thin rimmed glasses from his pocket and placed them on his face to scrutinize me. Then he smiled brightly. "What can I do for you, miss?" I explain my situation to the man and he gladly gives me directions. He's a very friendly man and I find myself wanting to sit and talk with him awhile, so I do. I tell him that I'd like to have a conversation with a stranger to clear my mind of all the tragic things that have happened to me recently. His eyes soften and he gestures to a bench a few feet away. We take a seat and he tells me about his life. He's just an ordinary business man, but he tells me that as ordinary as he may seem, his life hasn't been easy either. I find that he has a wife, but they've recently had a child who died while his wife was in labor. I watch the sadness in his eyes as he speaks of his dead child. "We all go through trying times, miss. The best you can do is keep moving forward. Times can't always be bad. Even on the darkest night, the sun still needs to rise." It's been months since my encounter, but I can't seem to forget the man. He was so strong and reasonably optimistic even in the worst of times. I want to be that way too."
Now, You see, you start to want to now what's actually happening here, while still being able to relate to what you know right now. Everyone's been through tough times.
All you have to do is make your character speak with emotions, and have them go through something everyone can relate to. Don't have them speak like robots, and don't give so little details that it only takes one sentence. I could have written, "I met a man at the bus station. I was lost and needed directions, and he looked friendly enough. We got into a conversation about life and he told me about how he had just lost a child. "We all go through bad times, miss. You just have to keep going." He told me. I thought he was a pretty inspirational man. It's been a few months since the last time I saw him, but I think about him a lot."
The same things are said with fewer details. Do you get the idea??? I know this is a long response, and I'm not exactly a professional, but I hope it helps.

[Stars and Whales]

This is great, thanks, I'm definitely going to review this and try to implant it into my brain for future work that I do.

[MightyMouse]

You're welcome. I just came up with that short clip off the top of my head. I also find that reading books with heavy character influences will help you understand too.

[Tomoe Tellez]

About this chapter, its good, kept me interested like all the others. I just think that you wrote to much about the stars, why don't you leave one sentence from that paragraph and save the rest for another time because they're really great explanations, but you shouldn't dedicate a whole paragraph to that. You're very good explaining everything else.