Rain

Sometimes,it's best to let it go.

It's raining outside.The rainwashed leaves flirting in the diffused sunlight,swaying to the rhythmic downpour.Brinda can hear it.See it to.The swollen droplets slapping against the windowpanes and trickling all the way down.It irritates her.It irritates her to see the leaves dance in the season's first rain when all she can see before herself is the end.The end to everyway she thought her life would unfold.The irony of the situation,the mockery of it,stifles her,chokes the final breath out of her lungs ,leaving her gasping for air.
She turns on her side,her back towards the window.Her tired eyes move over the unfamiliar setting of the room,resting finally on the grey suitcase.Three days since she slammed the door of the Ballygunge house behind her back.Three days since she turned the key into the lock of this flat,dragging behind the heavy suitcase.Three days since she left Rono.Ten years since theirs marriage.
The rain is falling faster now.Harder.She can feel the sting of its mockery burn fresh on her skin.But somehow,she finds it enticing as well.Inviting.Perhaps a new beginning.
Preposterous as it is,the idea appeals to her.Overcomes her.She feels the need to go out.She throws the blanket from over her.Groping her way through the unfamiliar setting of the room,she finally feels the cold of the door knob in her hand and walks out.
*************
The grass is wet underneath her feet.She runs to the middle of the field and sits down on her knees.The damp air bearing down on her shoulders.
All the thoughts she had been waging a war with coming rushing back to her.They awash her with grief,wound her.And she lets them.The first meeting and the shared hopes.The first fight and the crushed hopes.The first beating and the taste of blood.And then it all feel into a cycle-drunken violence followed by post-drunken repentance.And finally the Last Act,three days ago.
The back of her hands glisten with rain mixed with tears.
She raises her face towards the sky,her eyes crunched up in anticipation of the wetness.The pregnant drops approaching her,accommodating her.The freshness of earth on her hair.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism will be appreciated

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Brinda Hi. I found this through 'Discover'. I'll suggest a few 'even better if' thoughts, but the even better gives the right feel. I was drawn into this and through it to the somewhat hanging ending (or is it an ending at all?). I ask myself why I was drawn in and along, and I think it's because the piece is well told with clear descriptions and imagery and comes across as authentic and empathetic. I don't know your personal situation but the person in the story is Brinda as well, so you may have some deep and painful familiarity. Or just a good imagination, but even then I sense it's still based upon knowing from someone pretty close to you what it can be like to be with, mistakenly (in bitter hindsight) marry, and then run from a man who beats them. Not nice. Horrific. And you come to it bit by bit. She's listless, depressed, perhaps suicidal, the pitiful joke's on her - and the setting of the falling rain fits this ideally.

You have some interesting almost poetic aspects going on. You deliberately repeat some short phrases. You rhyme. You use the same start to connected sentences. I think all of these help the piece to flow. There's almost a stream of consciousness feel to it, which suggests close familiarity and sadly been there or very close, because the run of words rings true.

I think my only even better ifs are really around proof-reading. There are some mis-spells which I suspect are due to auto-types; e.g. feel where I think you mean fell; see it too (not to); every way; their marriage. And also formatting where there are no spaces after full stops (which may have been deliberate to preserve the flow) but also several instances of space-comma-first letter of new word rather than the usual last letter of word-comma-space. This may have been deliberate, but I've suffered sometimes from writing in a word-type software and pasting across and assumed all the formatting would carry over. Anyway, it's a small thing and, as I say, it may have been deliberate.

Hope these comments are helpful.

Nice work!
Nigel

[brinda]

Thnx nigel for scutinizing my work so carefully. Its actually feedback like this that helps a writer to grow.Really appreciate it.☺

[Zoya]

A common theme to write on...yet you display it in your own unique style, which holds the interest of the reader till the very end and helps your reader connect with the story... I loved the last four lines especially. Well...this write is an example of beauty in simplicity...well written!

[Carol Cashes]

I, too, have a story about leaving an abusive partner. (The Terrorist). However, yours is much more literary - almost poetic.
"See it to." should it be "See it, too?"
"The end to everyway" Every way needs to be the two words to emphasize their meaning.
"of this flat" Using "this" makes it sound like the current place she is. Maybe: their flat, her flat, that flat?
Use two spaces after a period so the sentences can stand alone - they all have merit.
This is an accurate depiction of the aftermath of leaving an abusive environment, and I'm was very happy to read the hope and sense of a new beginning that sometimes eludes others for some time after the leaving. Not all despair and hopelessness but a survival story. Yea, you! Good job.

[brinda]

Thanks Carol.It was so nice of you to go through the piece and point out the mistakes.Will try avoid them in my next pice.😊