The End

These need to be out of hiding and out of me

A Lesson Not Learned

How in the world can we go from being completely infatuated with someone, to being so incredibly… enraged by their existence. Are these feelings even different? Or are they still rooted in the same thing? The same frustrating and undeniable love. In my soul and my memory where at first you held some sort of champagne like bubble, you now hold a black and aching pain. It feels like a fist slowly closing around my heart. I never wanted to feel this. I wanted to keep you at arm's length so I could always look you in the eye. But now I can not. I can not even look at the you in my dreams. How could you treat a woman like this. How could you treat a human like this. How could you treat me like this. I was a dove in your hands and you plucked the feathers off of me one by one. But now when I try to fly, I come crashing, and it is your face I see carved in my scars. Was it all a lie? Was I no different from the rest of the roses in the garden? To me you were a tamed fox, no longer just one among the many. Was I never that to you? And if not, then why. What about me was no better than the rest? How could you look me in the eye, hold me in your arms, and still be hiding from me?

I want to feel sorry for you -- feel sorry that you fail to see the love I offer. I promise you, that no number of women will ever hold as much love in their bodies that I hold in just the corner of my heart. I promise that I will find someone deserving of not just that corner, but of it all. I will light up the sky with my love for everyone and anyone but you, if that is what you truly want. But whatever your choice, you must make it and live with it. If it is me you want then it must be me you fight for. I will not be a leaky faucet of cheap kisses and sweet nothings, no. I will be a queen, and if you wish to live in this palace of my devotion, you better come crawling on your knees. I will not hide in the shadow of any other person. I want to feel sorry for you. But I am so hurt. I want to punch you in the chest so you feel the same holes. But I can’t. I am not there yet. In the dark of the night, when I am cold and alone… I want to stand by my word. But for now I still love you. For now.


Still Dying

Why is the blood running through my veins still seeped in your venom. Your toxic love is killing me, very, very, slowly. It is turning me into you - a coward afraid to love, with the ghost of my lovers lingering in my body. Or perhaps that's where we differ - my soul is still left for me to hold an ounce of feeling, whereas your is empty and my phantom was left at in your mausoleum of broken hearts. I am walking around with your mask on; appearing so calm, cool, and collected. Little does the world know that I am a glass house and you are inside chipping away at the glass.
I am not sure how to get you out without breaking myself first. But sooner or later I'll find a way, and when I do it will be you who rests in the mortuary and not me.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A interesting and powerful use of words.
"Your toxic love is killing me, very, very, slowly. It is turning me into you - a coward afraid to love, with the ghost of my lovers lingering in my body. Or perhaps that's where we differ - my soul is still left for me to hold an ounce of feeling, whereas your is empty and my phantom was left at in your mausoleum of broken hearts. "
I loved the above lines. A toxic love is a dangerous one. Love can kill a part of us. Thank you Samantha for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote