lead through my fingers

capitalization is deliberate

lead through my fingers

                                                       

i placed you around my heart,
like a wall.
and treated you as such.
placing purpose,
before potential.

I admit freely,
i dont know
what the hell i’m doing.
I’ve been a wife,
for ten years.
girlfriends play
by different rules.

i’m surprised,
ivory intuition
graced your eyes.
yet,
grateful
as well.
you’ve mustered up
a grudging respect.

i have done things
i am not proud of.
I am growing, you see.
i am like a baby,
crawling through the
ashes, the annihilation
trying not to choke .
 
I will grow.
i will.
I am.