dizzy...

i am dancing in circles. 
eyes shut, 
and arms wide open. 
spinning, 
spinning, 
skirts flowing out, 
like petals soft- 
warm in the golden sunlight. 
it is only god, 
and i 
in this dance. 
but i know you are there. 
on the edge of my consciousness. 
broad shoulders, 
and dark hair...
your want pullls me...
like the ocean pulls the moon...
tugging- 
i know im reaching for you, 
arms wide open, 
waiting for you to be 
blessed by my tears. 
but i cant find you. 
and im falling down, 
dizzy, 
in the tall, pale grass. 
i lay my head in my arms 
and cry. 
maybe it was nothing. 

Reviews

[Emily B]

Try this:

i am dancing in circles.
with my eyes shut,
and my arms wide open.
spinning,
spinning,
skirts flowing out,
like petals soft
and warm in the golden sunlight.
it is only god,
and i
in this dance.
but i know you are there.
on the edge of my consciousness.
broad shoulders,
and dark hair...
your want pullls me...
like the ocean pulls the moon...
tugging.
and i know im reaching for you,
arms wide open,
and waiting for you to be
blessed by my tears.
but i cant find you.
and i fall down,
dizzy,
in the tall, pale grass.
i lay my head in my arms
and cry.
maybe it was nothing.

There is no reason you must use capitalization. Or punctuation to some extent. There is a mis-spelling or two that needs tending to . . . I think your words are sufficient to provoke that feeling of dizziness in your reader. Work with it, though, to do some fine-tuning. Read it aloud. Let your ear tell you what must be done to improve upon what you already have.

I like this. I'd be glad to read it again.

[Kris]

I hate this. Your punctuation, spelling, capitalization and grammar are terrible to the point where it makes this almost unreadable. While I'm certain anyone could argue the point that you can simply ignore those petty annoyances and look past them to find the poem and poet's true merit. But if a poet cannot even form a legible sentence, it's somewhat difficult to believe they can form something like a good poem. While I said that I hate this, and I do, don't let that discourage you. I think you have potential. You use some imagery in this piece, which is more than can be said about a lot of writers on this website. While it's somewhat basic to talk about flowers, the moon and the ocean, there is something of a simplistic beauty to those simple motifs. You've got the cart before the horse, however. Learn basic things like grammar and punctuation and spelling. Then try and focus on poetry. Otherwise no reader will take you seriously.

Cheers and good luck.

[Sound]

This writing to me seems so sadly innocent. It smells of a great anticipation before the fall. It makes me sad so suddenly there at the end. I love how completely naked this writing is. There's no hiding behind anything. It's just you. I love it.