Storm

Just a descriptive story that I wrote during my exams, ( I tweaked a bit of it because of teachers comment)

I gather my coat collar up to my neck as the wind blew fiercely, fighting against an invisible force which worked hard to push me back. It was cold and dark, the sun was covered by a large black cloud which becomes bigger every second as the other clouds gather around it.

                Peoples, who walked next to me, shivered and sneezed on every few steps they took. I walk away from them, to avoid an infection I might catch. I was shivering too; the wind was too cold, too strong, biting me as I tried to rush to my destination.

                Green trees that I normally admire as I walk by are bending to the opposite direction where the wind came, as like bowing to a force far more superior, stronger than them. The leaves that I could not manage to touch even if I jumped are now so low that I could touch them without having to stretch my fingers. The storm is coming.

                There would not be any mercy for anything in this town.

                The town I live in is known for its storm, big, strong, merciless and dark. A single sign of a storm, would result people closing all their windows, bar their doors and bring anything that could flip or fly inside the house.

                I continued to walk as many have stopped to ask for shelter in other people’s warm homes. The clouds rumbled,

It’s hungry for something… Or is it someone?

                The town from gray slowly turns to black. I could not see anything except glowing balls of light made by cars which have stopped to avoid possibility of a car accident.

                I slowly neared my home, seeing the glowing sign which I have placed just in case of a storm like this. I could see the word ‘Sweet’ clearly, but what happened to the other words?

 Have I gone the wrong direction?

                I stood there, pondering as the rain tapped me softly, by the shoulder, head, my overstretched hand as like to warn me of my situation.

                I shook myself of my thoughts and ran, towards the shinning sign, ignoring the booms of the thunder, the flash of lightning and the rain which now began to hit my body, like a boxer punching my body with a rhythm. Dodging objects that blocked my way, my heart beating wildly as my sight never leave the glowing sign.

                I reached the door with a thump, my body wet to the bone, my clothes soaked to its limit. I thrust my hands soggy pants, shivering violently as I search my pockets. I dug out my key, which my numb hands find it difficult to hold. I blindly find the keyhole to the door by running the key left to right of the door and turned when the key is in place.

                I stumbled into my house and closed the door behind me. I collapsed onto the floor, my eyes fluttering shut as I relaxed, relieved that I have escaped from the storm. Ignoring the wet patch of water that I made just by my door. I slept.

 

Author's Note

I hope to improve, please don't hesitate on telling how I can improve.

Reviews

[Michael Mercado]

this was incredible i actually felt like i was standing beside you in the story the detail was great. i enjoyed it and would love to see this turned into a book and find out a little more background as well as whats in store. keep up the good work. cant wait to see more. kudos

[Searching 4 Serenity]

These were brief pointers. Since you are narrating the story as First Person, are we explaining it as a HERE AND NOW or something that happened IN THE PAST? Wording is a key thing and it seems you have a growing knack for it.
Hope this helps

[Searching 4 Serenity]

"Green trees that I WOULD normally admire as I walked by BENT OVER"
"The leaves that I could not manage to touch even if I jumped WERE now so low"
"light made by cars, which HAD stopped"

[deeps]

I really like the vivid imagery, The detail was very nie as well.
You can write a very wonderful story. I usually have trouble
following stories but this is amazing.