I Lied.

There's something attractive about breaking the rules.

I smoke a cigarette today.

And then another.

And another.

I didn't know I craved dishonesty until I lit that first one.

I traded transparency for secrets,

Then vulnerability for self-sufficiency.

I lied today.

I said I was ok.

I said it again.

And again.

The repetition placated the rational part of my mind.

Of course I knew that having a conversation laced with deceit

Was the antithesis of maintaining meaningful relationships.

Maybe that's why I did it.

There's something about self-sabotoge that gets me high.

I traded exposure for assurance, and it kept me safe.

I saw that I had failed before I had even started.

There is a fantasy associated with a life like this,

But I know it keeps life feeling stagnant.

Maybe that's why I did it.

I had a good day doing everything the wrong way.

Reviews

[Pushkar Prabhat]

one hell of a day.........
sometimes one does "self sabotage" for no apparent reason..........guilty pleasure...........but then again you lied.
i sense this is more satirical than confession.......even if not........this works great both ways.......
awesome writing........unusual and great.........
i loved it!!!
:)

[steven]

I really enjoyed this :) excellent work

[JayceeC]

I think we all like to step outside and do something a bit forbidden, for the thrill, or sometimes just for the knowledge of doing it. What struck me as a bit dangerous and perhaps sad is that the protagonist doesn't know her own motivations. You can never satisfy a need if you don't know why you crave it.

[samanthaashley_]

exactly! I am definitely someone who likes to break my own rules every once in a while, just to see if I still have control over my life. sometimes I get in a place where I like to over-analyze everything.. but if I can't figure out my intentions behind my actions it drives me crazy. don't be surprised if I use this comment to inspire my next piece of writing; it is making me think a lot!

[JayceeC]

Good You will find that I love to be thought provoking, and I can relate because I went through this stage at one time..Although I didn't actually ever lie, I was just smart enough to edit the stories about everything I did...LOL

[samanthaashley_]

haha thats awesome

[Rana]

The feelings have been described herein ever so clearly, the experience sketched out vividly. I love writings, like this one, that are written out of personal expereince; they have an admirable honesty to them. You showed how it began, how it grew and finally took over. Addiction is something that no person escapes experiencing. Then, the varying lengths of the lines in the poem adds to the effect. The choice of words is perfect. My favorite line would be, "I traded transparency for secrets, Then vulnerability for self-sufficiency."

[Carrie.]

I really loved the way the first stanza felt in accordance to the rest of the poem. Just really set the tone.

Two small things, I think "It was the antithesis..." feels more complete than "Was the antithesis..."

Secondly, the word life felt awkward in the last stanza being there twice like that. A suggestion, maybe "While there is fantasy, in a life like this, there is also a stagnation." or something like that.

Strong finish.

Enjoyed the piece,
-Carrie.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. I like the twist the end.
"I had a good day doing everything the wrong way."
Nice flow of thoughts led to the very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote