Death?

Under the blue and red sky
Beyond death
Stopping time to begin again
And out come the animal

How come it's gotten so cold in this dark damp room?
I'm hidden from smoke filled hallways
and clamoring voices

I am not only dazed and confused
But just lonely

Reviews

[scatterbrain]

some good here, some bad. i have my first classes (of the year) in an hour and a half, so i'll be brief.

"blue and red sky"
love this quite a lot... this whole first stanza is something right out of the novel i'm writing right now... stopping time to begin again, that line especially.

correction:
And out comes the animal.

That first question takes the mood away, i'd say re-write. as a matter of fact, that beautiful first stanza turns into something completely different, completely irrelevant. this feels more like 2 poems, one that deals with philosophy and external concerns, and then the narrator gets whiney and starts talking about themself.

"I am not only dazed and confused"
I am not only... which means you are more than just "dazed and confused".
but:
"But just lonely"
you say "I am not only gay, but just happy"
you contradict yourself in these last two lines by saying i am not only this and this, but i am only this.

delete that second stanza. it pales in comparison to the first.

i'll keep looking around your poetry, this is the first i saw.

[˙]

This is awesome. Thought provoking. Curiosity burning. This is great. definitely a great poem.

[paul]

i am dazed and confused by the greatness of this poetry.

[...]

. life is beyond death ... what a thought ... and how it unravels ... in words that cling to each other ... in a trance ...