Yours

Tonight I sit out of words

Trying to make out what to write

But nothing compares to your voice chords

And that smile I dream of and how it’s so white

Tonight I write helplessly to you

I try to explain my instability

And there’s nothing else I can do

But share with you my insanity

I remember the first few words you said

I recall the first time I made you smile

It was as if my heart bled

As if I have died for a while

Still I pray to make all this last

I still live on the drug you spread

Still wishing to have you with me in my past

Still every moment together is with me when I tread

The first time I cough the scent of your hair

3 days I tried to suffocate myself

For losing that scent I couldn’t bare

And I began to think to myself

What if I could have it forever and more?

What if some wanted me to share?

What if I could smell it no more?

And all that made me stop and stare

Touching your hair and that silk at my finger tips

 As if I had found the rivers of heaven

Watching you speak and moving your lips

Giving me shivers that had never been given

And the day came when I held your waist

As if I had found the lost treasures of the Gods

And kissing your face without haste

With your eyes watching me like guards

Eyes. Eyes that gave me the challenge of a lifetime

To dare and think of looking them straight

And that took me quite some time

But when I did I knew what it is that I hate

It’s not seeing my reflection in your eyes for the rest of time

And I began to divide, my senses sent to different parts

And each feeling held on a side

To try and understand your arts

And little did I know that I was to be struck

I didn’t know it was this hard

And it would do me no good if I was wished luck

And not even my words as a bard

You can ask me if I understand today

But my answer is simple and clear

I’m more dazzled now than I was that day

Yet things to me seem so clear

“A magnificent complication “that’s what you are

And it amazes my curiosity

How I can go so far

With the understanding stability

Somehow I feel safe for knowing you exist

I feel like a child knowing you’re there

Others I feel like warrior with clubbed fists

To protect you and show how I care

Even now I still lose words

Even now I fall under your spell

And how I wish I can hear those chords

And those 3 words which under I fell

I love you

I love your eyes and the way they see me

I love you your voice and the way it rings

I love what your heart tells me to be

I love your words and all the silly things

I love the truth your frown says when you’re mad

I love the strength you defend me by

I love the peace you give me when I’m sad

I love your kisses and the way to me they fly

And so I begin to smoke now

My coffee mug right next to my hand

Oh how I hate both of them now

For taking the place meant for your hand

All my money, my clothes, my books

My music, my art and my dreams

I hate them and I wish I can tear them with hooks

For being close and you’re not here as it seems

But most of all I hate my pillow case

I hate it for all the right reasons

I hate it because it’s there and not your face

I hate it because it’s there for all seasons

I hate it because I can’t smell you over there

I hate it for being the place for my head

I hate it because only touching you I should bare

I hate it because of you, it has no thread

I hate me, and I hate to be me now

I hate that for you I can’t give enough

I hate that for all this hate I bow

And I hate loving to like it this rough

Again my words fail to come to life

My tongue is tightly tied

God how I wish I can take a knife

And cut through to what is trying to hide

May you be blessed and always well

May you always reign across my existence

May you always keep me under your spell

And I promise you no resistance

And I end it though it does you no justice

I stop my words before my fingers bleed

But should you seek your own justice

Then I am yours to lead

And now I write no more

I will speak of nothing else

Now I shut my thinking door

And I dream of your bliss

But know this one thing

Should I be asked in a later life

If I was to give you myself again as a ring

Then gladly I would answer yes and offer my life

I stand to give you my heart

And so I stand at your doors

And this is my only part

For I remain eternally yours.

Author's Note

Reviews are welcome.