a girl

its girl.........look at her

i saw her crying on the ground.

at the class she was normal.

and the teacher said: all of you tell your mothers to come tomorrow.

so she started crying and crying.

then she ran away so fast out of the school.

she was looking at the sky and crying.

then i looked at her from the window.

she was talking to somebody....

but i could'nt see the person.

i didnt understand for is she talking to??

so i came back to class.
 
then when came back i knew it was god.

and she did too.

after school finished she didnt have a car she was just walking.

then i thought....

wats wrong with her??

then i came to her house.

and asked her: why did you cry at school??

then she didnt answer...she just looked at the sky.

i looked at her and smiled.

then go back to my home.

while i was walking on the street i heared somebody crying so loud.

so i ran back to her...

i saw crying and screaming...

i looked at her and told he: why  do you keep  crying??

she kept crying.

i tryed to make her stop but she didnt want.

so i told her: does crying makes something good happen??

she stopped crying and looked at me.

then she said: do you wanna know why am i crying??

i told her: yes.

she told me: ok, my mom died befor a year, and my dad died befor 3 years.

then i looked at her in a shocked face.

she told me: but dont tell anybody please.

i told her: i promise.

at school she was happy, then at the breack i asked her: why are you happy today??

she told me: you.

i told her: me? what do you mean??

she told me: you helped me to stop crying, because you were right crying dosent do anything.

i was glad.

then we came back to class.

and the teacher said: where are your mothers??

she said: exusme, can i say something??

evryone was shocked.

teacher said: yes.

she said: i dont have a mother.

evryone looked in shock at her.

and she looked at them and said: and now i well take my seat.

the teacher said: good, now one of you go to bring some chalk.

so i brought the chalk.

and at the break some girls mocked her: hahahaha she dosent have a mother.

and a another girl said: ya poor, hahahaha its so lame.

she came to the class  before the break finish.

so i go after her.

when i came i asked her: why your not crying??

she told me: i dont have to, they just mocked and why i wanna care??

i told her: so why are you here?

she told me: i just wanna be alone, ok?

i said: ok.

then when she came back home the lights were off, and it was night.

so she felt scared and not safe.

so she some wood and turn on a fire.

she looked in the fire and imagined that she is with her perants.

and then when the fire turned off.... the dream was gone.

then she turned on more fire so imagened her mom.

so she said: mom please take me with you this life is hard with out you.

and she cried.

so her mom said: put your hand in the fire.

she said: but why?

her mom said: just put it and you'll be happy.

she said: ok.

the her mom catched her hand and took her to a wonderful place.

there was a chocolate ocean, and honey...

she was very glad to see her family again and she saw her dad.

so she ran to him and hug him so tight

then she asked her dad: dad, what is this place?

he told her: its the hevean.

and she lived happily again.

By: flowers_roses

 

Author's Note

any comments??

Reviews

[William R. Palacio]

Ok, it's hard to say with something like this. I see where you were going with it but you didn't quite get there. It's very confusing and you have a lot of repeating going on. For instance you say the girl it crying a lot. It might just be that I'm not familar with the style you're going for. That being said. I do like the ending how the girl touches the fire and is teleported to be with her family. I think the story shows real promise. I just think like alll writing it will get better with a couple of rewrites. Good luck. looking forward to reading more from you.