my new love

i think this is bad so be honest i can take all types of commets

down in the village

in the midst of raw nude  nature

i found the fresh breeze

as a beautiful crease

of joy

the grand trees  saved me from the evil eye

of harsh sun's anger

and the small weeds pillowed my 

stressed head with the filial love

i became besotted  with

the sweet smell of wet mud

and just wanted  to caress it like a little bud

 

as i  go back to  the city

 i had to bid a farewell

for such hospitality

i promised, they 

will never be harmed

and i will be always alarmed

to save my nature

no matter how many fights i have to

indulge in

i would not let my mother

weed cry

 and let my mud to tie the knot 

with any other brutal guy

i will protect the trees as   my brother

and will let breeze flow without any eve teasing

of lusty pollution 

 

Author's Note

just read it with honesty

Reviews

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I really enjoyed this...for grammar, I'd change "much fights" to "many fights"
and maybe change "brother" to "my brother"
it's a very solid poem with a lot of great nuances and personal messages
I would call it great instead of bad
well done

[sakshi arora]

oh thanks a ton ya i just noticed that mistake i l surely edit that thanks for your help

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

you're welcome :)

[zainul]

Great tribute to mother nature.
Well done,Sakshi.:)

[sakshi arora]

thank you sir,honor to receive appreciation from a writer like you

[zainul]

You deserve this.
You are doing well,my dear friend.

[sakshi arora]

:) :) :) :)

[Jazz Newport Green]

I agree and could not say any better what Tuvi and Angel said. Welcome to writers paradise, amiga!
I'd advise you not to start off saying you think your poem is bad. When I read that I clicked on this poem with a negative view of it, thinking it would be bad. I myself love your poem. My favorite lines:

to save my nature
no matter how much fights i have to
indulge in

i would not let my mother
weed cry
and let my mud to tie the knot
with any other brutal guy

i will protect the trees as brother
and will let breeze flow without any bother
Good work!

[sakshi arora]

thank you so much thanks for reading it

[Angel]

I couldn't give you any better advice than Tuvi did, nor put it half so well.
You have come to the write place to stretch your writer's muscles, and develop your talent, my friend.
Here you will find support and guidance...even if we do squabble amongst ourselves from time to time, we are a family here.
And we are happy to embrace a new sister into our midst.
Relax, grab a cuppa...settle back in your chair...
And write.

[sakshi arora]

I am really touched by your words ma'am thanks a ton and lots love from my side

[sakshi arora]

Your name suits you

[tuvi]

Hi Sakshi ...

welcome to writerscafe ...
liked what you wrote ... honestly
never consider whatever you write as bad or good ....because it reflects your thinking and most importantly the thought that subliminally lingering ....so I consider this one as a good effort that penned in nice manner ...

I liked these lines :
" i would not let my mother
weed cry
and let my mud to tie the knot
with any other brutal guy " ...

Keep writing your heart out :)

[sakshi arora]

Thank you for your kind words