could I be a good mother?

Why won't my own mom love me? I asked her one day...

I’m sorry for not giving birth to a child;
it was my years of pain and resentment that I birthed.
It wasn’t you; I couldn't love you,
not because you were unlovable,
but because I was never capable of loving someone.
My heart was already eaten out, so I had to starve you.
My tears had already dried, so I couldn’t feel sorry.
I had nothing in me,
the hollow where I was expected to love you.
My rotten lips only knew bitter words,
for no flowers ever bloomed in my heart.

Author's Note

viewers discretion is advised TW: Mommy Issues

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

This is a very sorrowful poem...and very honest as well...you were brave to ask you mother "the question"
and she gave you a very shocking yet very truthful answer....sometimes people are incapable of loving, especially a mother, who no matter what, could not love you...and that in itself is devastating...no matter her reasons....a very heartfelt piece.....Thank you for sharing and welcome to the Cafe!!!
Warmly, B

[sailesh]

Thank you so much, B. Your words truly mean a lot to me. It was difficult to write, but even more difficult to live through. You're right—some people, even those who should love unconditionally, just can't. That realization is painful, but writing about it helps me process and connect with others who might feel the same. I'm grateful for the warm welcome to the Cafe and for your thoughtful response.

[Betty Hermelee]

a pleasure to have new and talented writers in the Cafe….and you are one of them!
Warmly, B

[Beren]

I'll be honest this is heavy and painful in many ways and I understand.
I didn't even feel the need to comment on the poem since it was already written and told in such a perfect way. I really liked the way it was written. So I want to write a little more about my feelings on the subject
family doesn't always do what they should do to you and it's not your fault. it never was. You shouldn't have taught your family how to love you, I'm so sorry you went through this.

"It wasn't you; I couldn't love you,
not because you were unlovable,
but because I was never capable of loving someone."

This part is very powerful. I want to send this poem to a few friends if you let me, there are people who need to read this poem, so thank you for writing it.

[sailesh]

Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to share your thoughts. It really means a lot to me that the poem resonated with you in this way. You're absolutely right—no one should have to teach their family how to love them. If my words can bring even a little comfort or understanding to someone, then I'm more than happy for you to share it. I appreciate you.

[Beren]

We are at the same age and you are one of the best young poet I’ve ever seen! You are talented af!

[sailesh]

Omg thank you so much, this means a lot coming from someone as talented as you.

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Sailesh. Love is a gift to be given. Some people cannot not. The poetry, well written, strong words and thoughts. You left the reader with many things to ponder. Powerful and worthwhile poetry. A poet want the reader to feel the pain. You did.
Coyote

[sailesh]

"Thank you so much, Coyote. Your words mean a lot to me. Love should be freely given, but I know not everyone is capable of it. I'm grateful that the poem resonated with you and made you reflect. That’s all I could ever hope for as a writer. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome dear Sailesh.