The First Chapter

It was July. I was prepairing for my very first date with Michael. Yes, I know what you're thinking. And, no. I didn't get over Kevin. I still loved him, but I decided to start again. With Michael. I really liked him and I wanted to be with him. I was in my room and I had few hours till my date. Dresses were on my bed and I couldn't decide which one is the best. My phone rang. I hardly found it under all those dresses. „Hello?“, I said. „Sup gurl?“, the voice from the other side said. It was my best friend. Yes, that one. She ended with John when Michael started to talk to me, so it was cool. I knew she was happy and that's all that mattered. „Are you ready for your very first date with mister Michael? I bet he's ready!“, she continued. „Well, I'm not ready.“, i said embarrassed. „WHAT?“, now she yelled. „Your date is for two hours! You have to be ready!“, she yelled again. „Okay, okay. I'll be ready in few minutes, I mean in half an hour.“, I tried to convince her everything will be fine. She stopped yelling. „K. So, I called you to tell you that John saw Michael and they had a little conversation.“, now she was embarrassed. And I knew why. „Oh. And by 'a little conversation' you mean 'John probably killed Michael and threw him in the river'?“, I said. She started to laugh like she always did. „No, silly. They just... talked. And Michael said he's nervos.“. I smiled. So he's nervous. „He's cute but I have more problems than he has. I have to be ready in thirthy minutes and I'm still in my PJ.“ I told her. „Don't worry. You'll be fine. I promise. Okay, so I have to go, but don't worry. Please. Love you!“ she said and hang up. I threw my phone on my bed and pick up white dress and small, black leather jacket. All star black sneakers and my black leather jacket with Sex Pistols badge looked just like me �" shining. While I was in the bus I thought about Michael a lot. Honestly, he really looked like Kevin but only Anne knew that. When I got out of the tram I saw Michael on the station. He looked really nervous. I was nervous too. „Hi.“ I said. He smiled. Oh, God. He had beautiful smile. Probably, the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. He was in plaid long-sleeved shirt and black pants. He looked amazing. I smiled because he always made me happy. Even when he stared at school. He hugged me. My head was on the beginning of his chest because he was taller than me. „So, where are you taking me?“ I smiled again. „You'll see.“ he winked and put his arm around me. We walked to the cinema and I liked it. I was old-fashioned girl. I liked cinemas more than cafes or bars. So, I was pretty happy. We entered and he told me to wait while he takes movie tickets. After he took tickets, he put his arm on my back and we went to the auditorium. We sat and he gave me some tissues. „Why?“ I asked surprised. „You'll cry.“ he smiled and put his hand on mine. We watched The Fault In Our Stars movie and i really did cry. After the movie he hugged me very hard. I hugged him too. After that we went to a picnic in some cute, little park. I laid and he laid next to me. Everything was perfect. „I like you.“ he said. Well that was unexpected. „I really like you. First time I saw you... I found perfect girl for me. You're the perfect one.“ I smiled. I was happy. And I thought about him. „And when John introduced you to me I was the happiest boy in the whole world.“ he smiled and turned to me. He put his hand on my cheek and said „You're beautiful.“ I liked him too but I didn't know what to say. So, instead of words, I moved closer and laid beside him. Our legs were touching and I felt strange electricity like I felt with evey boy. But, this one was the strongest. He hugged me again and kissed me in my forehead. After a while I said „I'm in love with you. I really am.“  He pulled his head back and looked me in the eyes. His face was serios and then he smiled. He kissed me and, oh my God, I felt like never before. We stayed like that for a half an hour more ant then we took a walk. We didn't talk, we just smiled. I liked him and he liked me and that was incredible. I couldn't wait to tell this to Anna. We sat on the little bench and he pulled the headphones out of his pocket. „You have to hear this.“ he smiled. He gave me left headphone and he took right. Music played... No Bad Blood. I loved that song. After that we talked about life, future, school. When we had to separate he looked sad. „You wanna go... out sometimes?“ he asked. „I'd love to. Actually, I hope we'll go out soon.“ I smiled. He smiled back and put his arm around my neck. He kissed me again and trust me, we could see fire of our love everywhere.

When I got home I called Anne and told her everything. We talked for a while but she had to go, so I hang up before she did it. I laid on my bed and smiled. Smiled, smiled, smiled. I was really happy. Until my phone rang. It was my old friend, Aldabella. „Hey.“ I said. She waited few seconds and then she said: „He's back.“

Reviews

[MyAddictionToMe]

Okay, you have okay character’s but you should focus on putting something more into this. It just kind of rambles on and on and doesn't really make me want to do much more then skim and read the ending. You need less "We walked to the cinema and I liked it." and more "As we walked hand in hand to the cinema, he kept glancing over at me and then quickly averting his gaze. It even didn't take a minute for me to realize that I liked it."
I hope that made sense, you know? Do not rush the story and focus on how the characters are feeling more deeply and less shallowly.
"I laid on my bed and smiled. Smiled, smiled, smiled. I was really happy."
Okay this sentence is just a mess!! I get what you wanted to express but you should find ways to say it without just repeating the word. Beam, grin, laugh. Instead of using a word as mundane as "happy" how about cheerful, content, delighted, pleased, elated, ecstatic…? There are so many alluring words in the English language! I highly encourage you to go out and find them. Another important thing when writing is to make sure your grammar and punctuation and spelling are correct. It may sound unimportant but someone who is well read will not read past the first line of a story that hasn't even been spell checked. It is all about appearance. I think despite all of these other issues I have stated, the overriding problem is the plot is just dead. I can see straight through the story, by which I mean that I can just tell that so far you have almost no idea where you are going with this story, other than someone from her past will come back I doubt you even have an inkling as to what will happen. Correct me if I am wrong though. I would love to see your work redrafted with proper spelling/grammar/punctuation and some tweaks to the dialogue couldn't hurt. Post again soon!