Feeling faithless

Are you a Christian they ask me
Without a single doubt in my mind
I say yes as loudly as possible

I say all I need to say
I believe all I need to believe
I try as hard as I can

I do all the talking
But I still can't
Walk the walk

I feel darkness cover my heart
Tears fill my eyes
Because I feel like a fake

Am I fake....?

I confess my sins
I believe the Lord is Lord
I strive for perfection

But I feel like I am trying to swim in a pool
That's empty
And no one is around to help me out

Why don't I feel him near me?
Why don't I feel his love?
Why do I always feel alone?

It scares me to death
Thinking that maybe
I simply say the words
But don't believe them....

Author's Note

In church we are learning about heaven and when they asked if I knew 100% sure that I was going to heaven I couldn't honestly say yes...and now i feel lost and confused

Reviews

[Sarah Morgan]

I am not saved, but I desperately need to be and I feel a lot like you in this poem when I have been saved. When you feel those feelings it's the devil fighting you. We all have fallen short of the glory of God. We all make mistakes that is why we are asked to confess our sins everyday even as Christians. Why? Because Jesus knows we aren't perfect. Just remember that the devil always wants us to fail. A lot of times in my life I've wondered why I feel the way I do, but if you take a look back at Jesus's life what was it? It wasn't smooth sailing - it was suffering so when you go through trials you aren't alone you walk beside Jesus. This is a wonderful piece and I relate to it so well.

[Poison Ivy]

awww i wouldn't worry so much pet. :)
heaven can be so many things, and there are so many ways and paths to get to it.
you seem like a really sweet person, im sure your going to heaven.
and you know, i think after we die, there might even be a chance we get to come back here again. there are so many people that i got to meet up again with in this lifetime that i have known before.
isn't life just beautiful that way?

[sarah]

I believe there is only one way though

[Poison Ivy]

hmmm. ok

[Celeste21]

Why do you feel obligated to answer them? They are human, not elite. You owe them nothing. Feel secure iin yourself and your own truth. I don't think anyone will turn their back on a pure heart.

[JanieB]

Very thought provoking poem Sarah.
I think you need to do some self analysis here to find where you're at. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A good person will do alright. I believe paradise is for the people who try their best to be kind and helpful. No-one is perfect. All of us will fall and make error. Forgiveness is given to people who try to repair mistakes and not do them twice. We need faith and hope to survive in this world. A excellent poem. You made me think again.
Coyote

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

As long as we believe then we will find Heaven. Sometimes we need to find that inspiration within. Honest poem.

[Jeff]

Very interesting poem.

[MandaBear]

I think we all go somewhere. I believe that we call it heaven so when we do leave we have a sense of happiness knowing we are going somewhere with lots of love. We as people usually need a comfort knowing that we will be taken care of after we are gone. Heaven gives us a sense that we will be taken care of and that later when our family goes we will know they will have a happy place to go to. this i a very nice poem and it deserves all the praise in the world:)

[Calypso]

My church never asks this type of question, but when I look at missionaries who are dying for God I have to be upset with myself.

[Linear]

I hate the cross..........Im christian and I dont wish to go to heaven, the place is not for me. I may just turn to dust, but im hoping not to :O)