does my pain make yours feel better?

The further you reduce me

The less I am my own.

The pain becomes more prominent

When there's less person shown.

Without any containment,

I'll disappear through the steam.

I will escape, evaporate, and leave

Behind an empty, aching theme.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I like the theme, I like the flow, the narrative is clear - everything about this simply screams divine perfection......except one small factor (pardon my nitpicking, but for the most part, this does stand out as something that should be looked at because it in a way mars the power of the whole piece):

"any" in Line 5 lands on the wrong sylLAble (according to the musicality). With that fixed....this would be an utter gem. (The crossed out lines add a very nice touch to the theme). Well done!

[Butters]

I really enjoyed this. I like the way it rolls off your tongue. Great content and well delivered. If I had to nit pick something- and this is really nit picky- the title throws me off a bit because when I read that I assumed it was going to be a whiny poem without depth but it is actually the opposite. Great job.

[Gwennxo]

This is so powerful! I feel like you should add more feeling though, although that is just how I write. But altogether this is very giving and I am giving you very very many snaps.

[Relic]

My first reaction to reading this was not just the message of the poem, but the fact that you skillfully wrote it with such a smooth delivery and great rhymes. People do in fact lose a part of themselves when they're in a relationship that's one-sided. This can be said even of friendships where one person is more dominant than another. When I think of friends that have changed the style of music they listen to or clothing I can see how they're being influenced.

The line about disappearing through steam is so right. It's as though a part of the spirit that's within you is dissipating away threatening to deplete your power as well as your personality. I've seen it in others. It left a shell of what they were all for the sake of a bond they thought was strong.

To be in a frame of mind like that only brings pain and tons of sorrow. It's then the person must decide if its worth it to stay, or has the time come to move on and learn whatever lesson there might be to store away in the back pocket. Sadly, the river of love doesn't always run as smooth as this poem. Some are caught in the rapids and are affected all their lives. But for others, such as yourself, a pen and paper is a good way to express yourself in a way many don't.

Nice writing.