The Winged Girl

Related to the poems, that I can't get out of my system.

When I was young, I used to sit at the window, watching birds, the sun streaming through the glass, and the bird’s song echoing far into the distance. I’ve always been fascinated by those tiny creatures. Their hollow bones, trimmed with feathers. Only they truly realize the limitless found within the sky. I used to tug on my mother’s skirt, and say to her “I’d rather be a bird, mommy, a bird.” I would flutter my arms, and run off and pretending I could fly. She would laugh and shake her head, thinking that I would outgrow my childhood foolishness. She never understood.

Those winged creatures knew true freedom, not like those mechanical whales that invaded their air space. I was fascinated by natural flight, not the engines and propellers, nor the gliding on updrafts and manipulating winds; true flight. When I was younger, I used to watch the birds.

Since then, years have flown by. My fantasy, I realized, was just a fantasy. Then I met Grim.

***

He was tall and pale. His face hollowed, deep wells of shadow caused by light playing of the sharp angles that made up his face. His dark eyes were framed by wire rimmed glasses; he was always clothed in a long, dark trench coat, accompanied by black boots. He was a dark, odd fellow, solemn and reserved. He was a bit frightening, ever flanked by two great hounds. One lean and swift, Lex, the other huge and fierce. Hex’s giant maw could easily swallow one’s head.

Jasper, never liked them. He shuffled his feathers, and let out a sharp cry, whenever the beasts drew near, and as time wore on, they always seemed near.

As soon as Jasper and I had moved to New York, we prowled the city. Searching within its dank alleyways, ever climbing atop its long forgotten roof tops, in order to touch that starry sky. The city was our playground, the apartment we lived in, simply a roof over our heads. Plain and small without any real décor, we never spent much time there. The land lord wasn’t too happy about a Kestrel sitting in his living room, but with a little money, anyone can be persuaded.

We stumbled upon Grim, and his hounds when we decided to explore the under city. We had happened upon an abandoned subway station. An acquaintance had suggested this venture to us, if we wanted to see the city in all her glory. Syd had a twisted sense of glory. The station was dark and dilapidated when we came across it. A single overhead light flickered on and off; trash and debris littered the linoleum floor. The glass in the windows, cracked and broken in some places. The wind whistled eerily throughout the abandoned space, and the sounds of my footsteps bounced off the walls. The light flickered out, and all was dark. Jasper ruffled his feathers, and softly pressed his beak against my ear.

“Hold on. Hold on. I’m getting it.” I whispered, fumbling around in my pack in search of a flashlight. My hand grasps the cool metal, when the sound of soft footsteps reached my ear, followed by two ominous growls.

“Give it a few seconds. It’ll kick back on.” Cut a deep voice through the dark.

I swung around towards the voice, eyes wide and searching, seeking any shred of light.  My hands clutching the forgotten flashlight, and Jasper clinging painfully to my right shoulder I stand motionless, waiting for something to break the tension.

The light buzzes back on. I see a man cloaked in dark with two immense dogs standing at his side, heads lowered, teeth bared. Jasper startled takes flight, and alights on a support beam overhead, letting loose a piercing shriek.

“Who the hell are you?” I breathe, fumbling with my flashlight, glaring up at Jasper, the cowardly bird.

“I think that’s an awfully rude question coming from a little girl, so carelessly trampling into someone’s home.” He signals to the dogs and they lie down at his feet, their growling ceased.

“Home?” I question. “Isn’t it a bit dark for home?”

“When you’re like me, you don’t need to see,” he pauses, “much.” He smiles, displaying pointed teeth.

I tilt my head back, my dark hair falling away from my face.

“I see…well I apologize for stomping around your flat. Jasper and I will just be going.” I finger the switchblade in my pocket, as Jasper alights on my shoulder.

“Before you go….” He stops once more, looking at me as if trying to figure out some sort of puzzle. “How did you come across such an interesting creature?” He lifts his chin nodding towards Jasper.

“I don’t really know, he sort of…found me.” As I turn away, my back to this strange man, chills skitter down my spine, his eyes, those infinitely dark eyes, boring into the back of my skull.

“I’m Grim, by the way.” He calls out, as if our meeting were a simple thing.  “A pleasure to have met you.” His last word reverberates through the hall, and follows me up the steps. I glance back and he’s smiling, the expression distorting his face.

“Talia.” I shout over my shoulder, and rush out into the open night, my name echoing eerily off the stone steps.

***

After that we saw Grim everywhere, trailing after him, his two hounds. We saw him on rooftops, crowded streets, in the super market, and at the library. Grim never seemed to fit in these settings, and no one ever seemed to notice his hulking form, nor those of his two beasts. He was always glad to happen upon us. A smile immediately lit his face. This smile always seemed unnatural.

No matter how oddly his presence affected me, I was always pleasant when I saw him. We spoke often of our first meeting. Syd believed I was crazy for even speaking to the man. He thought that Grim was stalking me, and looking back on it, I believe he’s right, but Grim was never hostile, never forceful. Despite his friendly attitude something about him was off. Perhaps it was the way light seemed to be sucked into his eyes, never reflected back out into the world. Or perhaps it was the fact that every time he drew near, the temperature would plummet even on the hottest of days. He was most certainly strange, but I never felt threatened, at least, not until a few months later.

We ran into each other again one night in the park. The moon hid his face from the world and the night was eternally dark. I took Jasper out to stretch his wings. His excuse was to take Hex and Lex out for a run. The night was warm and overcast, the only light coming from various lamp posts dotting the path and the orange glow reflected off the clouds above the city.

Instead of our usual idle conversation, it turned to something a bit more personal.

“What do you deem impossible?” He asked me, lifting his glasses off the bridge of his nose.

“I believe life is impossible.” He continued. “Living is too much. It’s a burden, much too difficult.  It’s constantly shifting, changing, never constant.”

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “You’re not gonna slit your wrists are you?” Jasper shook his head back and forth.

Grim laughed and his glass slid down his nose, he pushed them back up with a single finger and said, “No, no I don’t think that would be effective for someone in my….condition. But what of you, what do you deem impossible?”

I thought about it, listening to the wind whisper through the trees. It cleared the sky and the moon peaked through his veil of clouds. Jasper chose that moment to take to the air.

“Flight, human flight, without any technological assistance. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to fly with the birds, with a pair of my own massive wings.”

Grim’s eyes widened, I could actually see the whites of his eyes. It was startling to see something bright there. He composed himself and the usual solemn visage returned to his face.

“Winged, like an angel?” He asked. I turned to him sharply. “Gods no! I’ve no interest in those divine beings. Simply flight.” I looked down.

“Flight, that’s impossible.”

Silence filled the space between us. Both our faces turned upward to the sky. He chose to break our silent reverie.

Quietly, he asked, “What if it wasn’t impossible? What if it could be done? What would you give for that flight? If it could be done that is.”

For the sake of conversation, I considered my answer.

“If it could actually be done, I think I would give anything. Well, anything but Jasper that is, he’s not really mine to give. He just likes my company. I don’t think I would give up my free will either. I don’t like the thought of someone taking my choices from me.” This conversation was getting a bit odd and it was turning cold again. Frost had begun to creep up the shrubs and branches. My body had begun to shake.

“This conversation is getting a bit out there Grim. And I think Jasper and I are going to call it a night.” With a nod of the head and an over dramatic bow, he turned on a heel and left, his coat flaring out behind him, Lex leading the way into the night, and Hex trailing behind.

Jasper found his place on my right shoulder and we walked home, ever looking over my shoulder and recalling childhood dreams.

That night I found myself tossing and turning, gazing into the blackness of my room. Annoying Jasper so, that he clacked his beak several times. A pain started in my chest, spreading to my spine and shoulder blades. At first it seemed to be an uneasy ache, but as the night wore on it grew progressively worse. My chest felt like it was splitting open, my ribcage ripping apart. I gasped for air, wondering, questioning the state I was in. Jasper glides over from his perch, squawking and shrieking, nervously. He seemed to be unsure what course of action to take, and frustrated with his inability to comfort me.

The night dragged on and the pain grew ever worse. I wanted to scream but my vocal cords refused to comply. When I tried to move, my limbs resisted, frozen in place. It felt like knives stabbing repeatedly into my shoulder blades, and needles piercing my heart. This continued throughout the night until the fingers of dawn crept over the horizon. Feathers rained down from above. It looked soft as snow, falling slowly, peacefully. The sight of them and the calm morning light eased my aching bones, the stabbing pain ceased. I could wiggle my toes and fingers again. The feathers kept falling, the light flickering through them. Jasper began to fly about the room, attempting to attack the feathered invaders. For everyone he clamped between his beak, three more fell. As light flooded the room, chasing away the shadows, the pain ended as suddenly as it began. I could move again and the feathers were gone. Not a single one remained. Jasper flew to my side and I attempted to roll over onto my back, but found the action uncomfortable. I stood up, but my balance was off. I swayed backwards nearly toppling back onto the bed. I caught myself on the bureau. Jasper tilted his head and let out an ear splitting shriek. In the mirror I caught a glimpse of myself, and the huge wings protruding from my shoulder blades.

What are those? What happened to me?” My jaw drops open, my hands fly up to the immense wings framing me in the mirror. I violently jerk my hand down when it comes in contact with the feathered mass, and shakily reach up again to reassure myself that this is real. “What happened to me?” I whisper and look at Jasper. Then it hits me. Could I fly? Could I really? I throw on some jeans but have to stop and think about the predicament that my wings pose when putting on a T-shirt. This could be a problem. I grab an open back tank top and an oversized hoodie, shrugging them on.  It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to fold my wings against my back, but once the task is finished, I race to the door, but stop suddenly when I see a note fixed to the door knob. It reads:

I hope you enjoy them.

-Grim-

I think back to our conversation the night before, and wonder, what was the cost?

The sun is blinding up on top of the roof, it glares harshly off the silver buildings surrounding us. I peak over the edge.

“I think this may have been a better idea if I started from the ground first.” I shrug my shoulders, unaccustomed to the new weight. I take a deep breath and shrug my hoodie off. I spread my wings past my outstretched fingertips, reaching, and fluttering. Once, twice, three times and I come up off the ground.

“Whoa!” I stop, surprised by my success, and the ground rushes up to meet me.

“Ouch, that kinda hurt.” Jasper tilts his head, the only witness to my humiliation.

“Some people weren’t born with these things you know.” I give him a sharp look, and he takes off, showing me how it’s done. I stand and try again, rising a few feet farther than last time. I tilt one wing down and go left, tilt the other and shift right. I flutter them a bit more and ascend even higher. Feeling rather confident I move out from the rooftop over the open street. Freedom, so this is what freedom feels like. Absolute freedom, no longer tethered to the ground. Then something catches in my chest. This should be better. Something feels not quite right.

Jasper circles back to me and c***s his head to the side as if to say, “finally.” I spiral around turning, gaining even more altitude with each wing stroke. Still something feels off. “I think it’s time to pay a visit to Grim.” I bank slightly to the left and head towards the abandoned subway entrance. I glide down, the ground rushing up much too fast and I land hard, nearly falling over. Jasper takes his place on my right should as I straighten myself. We race down the stairs.

“Grim!” I shout. “Griiiim!” A growl greets me from the darkness and Lex emerges from the murky shadows.

“Shut it.” I glare at him. “I’m in no mood for you today.” I try to step around him, but he blocks my path, ducks his head and growls again.

“Move!” I try once more to go around him to no avail. “I said move it!” I feel heat flood my face; I throw my arms out wide and stretch my wings to encompass their full span.

“If your master desired to give me this gift, then you can let me in. Now move!”

Lex shirks and moves aside. I stomped down the steps and run into a very tall, very cold, black clad wall.

“I didn’t expect you so soon my darling.” He grabs me by the arms pinning them to my sides.

I pull back. “I’m most certainly not your darling.” I say, putting extra emphasis on not.

He looks at me puzzled and says, “But I have your heart. Is that not how this mortal love works?”

“My heart?” It’s my turn to be puzzled. He moves aside and waves a hand to an intricate looking bird cage, made of bones, knuckles and rib bones, and entrapped within is a human beating heart. My hands fly to my chest, hovering above the hollow spot where my heart used to beat.

“What did you do to me?” My voice rises, and begins to crack.

“I gave you the impossible. Who else can possibly do that? Your hearts safe with me, it can never be broken, my feelings can never change, and I’m constant, stagnant. Your heart will never be stolen.”

“But you did steal it!” I shriek. “I never gave it to you! What about my feelings, my compassion?” My thoughts turn to my brief stint with flying. The sun, the clouds, and the city spread out beneath me. “I can’t feel anything, no joy, elation; these things are beyond me now. How can you expect me to love?”

“You’re doing fine so far. I’ve made my way through this life without one.” I look at him, really look at him.

“Who are you? You don’t need light, you don’t need a heart. Who are you?”

“All you need to know is that I’m nothing like you and your kind. Trust me, you don’t need your heart, but ever since I’ve felt it’s beating, I can’t bear the thought of letting it go. Talia, you’re going to be just fine.”

“No. I’m. Not. I don’t want to be fine, I want to feel alive. I want feel the world around me. Give it back!” A spark lights his eyes. His jaw set in a firm line.

“Well, that is unfortunate, quite unfortunate.” He shakes his head.

“I didn’t think you would be so….unappreciative. You’ve the nerve to make demands of me, the one who gave you an impossible gift?”

“Yes, yes I do and if you don’t, you’ll be sorry, quite sorry.” I pull my switchblade from my pocket, a deadly gleam in my eye.

“You think that is going to have any effect on me?”

“You’re right, it probably won’t but I really could care less at this point. I find that I don’t really care at all. I’ve no heart to care.” He looked at me puzzled; slowly realizing that he’d never calculated such an outcome. I took a step forward but Jasper was a step ahead of me. He took off like a shot straight for Grim’s eyes. Hex and Lex erupted from their relaxed positions. I gathered myself and rush for the bird cage. Clutching it firmly in my hands, I start fluttering my wings, taking flight, but immediately feel a sharp pull. Bones crack and a guttural scream escapes my clenched lips. I look back to see Grim clutching my wings as tightly as I cling to my heart.

“Fine, have your damned heart, but you will not have your dream.”  That’s the last I heard before the darkness swallowed me whole.

***

I wake to Jasper’s shrieking incessantly, a beating in my chest, and blood pooled underneath me. My hands reach up to my wings and instead of the beautiful cream and tawny feathers, bloodied stumps greet my fingers. Tears sting my eyes, breathing becomes harder. The pain, the loss is unbearable.

“Come on Jasper, let’s go home.”

***

The next few weeks follow in a fog. All I really recall is Jasper’s hopping around me as I lie on the bed, attempting to lift me from my stupor. I do remember something unusual. The beast Lex, I vaguely remember him lying at the foot of my bed, but I’m unsure if it was real, or if I was shifting disjointedly from dream to reality. All I remember is the weeks passing in a fog.

***

They came in a blur, of color and light; Finches, Robins, Bluebirds, Sparrows, Eagles, Hawks, and Macaws. It rained feathers once more, for how long I’m not sure. It seemed like days. I awoke to birds on every possible crevice and surface. I rolled over, or should I say I attempted to, for the action was once more uncomfortable. I stood up and raced over to the mirror. I had my wings again, but instead of tawny and white, they were every color under the sun. I pressed my hands to my chest, and felt my heart beating, safe within.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “Thank you.” I rush to the door but in my haste trip over a warm body, looking down I see Lex looking up at me. A soft whine escapes his throat.

“Lex? What are you doing here?” He stands up and nuzzles his head against my hip.

“Well I guess you can stay.” I smile, I’m feeling rather generous.

“Come on to the rooftop Jasper!” I shout racing once more up to the rooftop. I fling myself into the sky, arms outstretched, leaving a trail of colored birds in my wake.

Reviews

[Sam Severn]

Wild-a*s n' wicked as a dream n' darkly imaginative! This is one of the finest n' best-crafted stories I have ever read on this site!! I loved the character of Grim...expertedly named, mysterious and mischievous as hell. Your story pacing is superb. Your narrator's voice pretty damn sublime. N' your dialog? It just plain ROCKS!

This reads like a novel...a fat dark fantastic novel....have you considered continuing this, Sabbath_Nikole? Fleshing the story out?
(N' one more thing: I love, f****n' LOVE, Jasper!!!)
㋡
P.S.: Watch your use of past-present tense; it fluctuates a coupla times. Easy to fix, just hunt it out. You're a fabulous n' very original writer already...just take the time to make yourself even BETTER!

I added this story to my Library. Thank you for posting it! ㋡