The Last Monk

A monk makes his last stand against an evil foe.

The bodies of soldiers littered the grounds of the once great monastery. Every one of them was sent to capture the final monk that had averted them for years. The Monk could only catch his breath for a few brief moments before another wave of them arrived to try once more.  They used batons, riot shields, tasers, whatever they could get their hands on but they could not bring down the Monk. His fists would shatter their bones through their Kevlar, his feet allowed him to float around them with ease, his endurance was unmatched, but most importantly his wish to kill the Commissar kept him focused.

The Commissar had ordered the execution of all monks who worshiped the Gods for in his eyes they were the only reminders of a free country filled with joy and culture. One by one the monasteries were destroyed with the monks that inhabited them. Those who had escaped were hunted down and returned to the capital for a public execution. The Commissar had succeeded in his plan in wiping out the peaceful monks but he had heard that there was one still alive at an old abandoned monastery in the mountains. His advisors would tell him to ignore the Monk as the public were told they were all gone and it would be a waste of time to go after one monk. The Commissar was too angry to listen to them; even one monk alive is an insult to him so he ordered a platoon of soldiers to follow him to the old monastery to capture the Monk. He wanted to drag his broken body in front of the masses and let them see what happens when you defy him.

The Monk was in the cold monastery hall praying to the eroded statues of the Gods before they arrived. The cold stone didn’t let him comfortably pray but he did not care, he was just glad to have some peace even for a few moments. The bright red columns inside the hall were now faded, the ceiling had some snow falling through, and the walls no longer kept any heat in. A boy from the village further down the mountain entered the hall to bring him some food and keep him company. The Monk would always tell the boy to stay away for his safety but he enjoyed his company so he never argued for long. The boy would play games with the Monk or pray with the Monk to imitate him. The boy was going to leave earlier due to his parents finding out where he would disappear most days so he bid a final farewell to the Monk and hugged him. The Monk was sad even though he didn’t show it in his face, now he would be alone again. After the boy left the Monk continued his prayer but he stopped after he heard a commotion outside. He was about to look outside when the boy stood at the door gasping for air as if something scared him. The boy looked at the monk ready to say something when a bullet went through his throat. The Monk grabbed the boy and tried to stop the blood but there was too much spilling out. The boy was choking on his own blood and the Monk could only comfort him. The boy died seconds later in the Monk’s arms; he was once again powerless to help those he loved.

The Monk could remember the brutal attacks on the monasteries, seeing his only family butchered in front of him and they wouldn’t let him fight. His masters would always tell him that they must be peaceful to show the country that they aren’t the evil the Commissar claims they are. The Monk joined to learn peace after years of fighting and he promised his masters he would not break this vow of peace. Soldiers entered the hall ready to capture the Monk but they encountered a demon hidden in the flesh of a man.

The Monk broke his vow in brutal flurries of attacks aimed at the soldiers. He held nothing back; he broke their bones, dodged their weapons, and let none escape the hall. The Commissar could hear the fighting from outside and was surprised that a monk was to fighting back. He had hoped to leave the mountain before a blizzard arrived so this complication must be fixed soon. The Commissar ordered even more troops to storm the hall and capture the Monk. They rushed inside and once again were wiped out. The Commissar grew angry and sent more troops inside but they also failed by the sound of their screams echoing out of the hall.  He kept sending more and more but they never returned from the hall of the monastery. Fuming, he ordered his remaining men to open fire on the monastery until their weapons were empty.

The Monk hid under the bodies when the shooting started which protected him until the shooting stopped. He stood up and took a look around the bullet riddled hall. What wasn’t broken by the elements was now destroyed by the soldiers except for the statues of the Gods. The Monk didn’t know whether it was a coincidence or the work of the Gods but he liked to think it was the latter. He knew the Commissar wouldn’t send anymore troops inside the monastery so he walked to the boy’s corpse and tried to say a prayer for him. The Monk would’ve cried but he was too tired to shed a tear all he could do was hug the boy one last time before he went outside to meet his fate.

The snow fall started to increase and visibility started decreasing outside as the blizzard arrived. The Monk walked outside to see the remaining few soldiers aiming their weapons at him with the Commissar standing in the center of them. The soldiers started to shake at the sight of the bloody monk in tattered robes; some even dropped their weapons to run away. The Commissar ordered the troops to remain there or risk execution once this is over. The soldiers that stayed couldn’t keep their hands still from the fear and the cold. The Commissar ordered them to get ready to fire at the Monk who still stood there staring into his eyes. Then the blizzard arrived making everything far from the soldiers a blur even for the Monk. This did not deter the Monk as he can still make out the Commissar in the blur. Whether he gets riddled with bullets or avoids it all in the storm he will not stop until the Commissar is dead. He took a deep breath before charging forward through the snow. The soldiers in a panic not being able to see in the blizzard open fire in every direction. The Commissar felt fear for the first time in his life in the middle of this chaos. He couldn’t move from it even as a blur lunged at him.

Reviews

[Bobbob]

"The bodies of soldiers littered the grounds of the once great monastery."
Strong imagery for the opening.

"Every one of them was sent to capture the final monk that had averted them for years."
You could have revealed this through dialogue to reveal a character to be killed. But hey, you can tell not show when you want.

"The Monk could only catch his breath for a few brief moments before another wave of them arrived to try once more."
I would prefer a description of shaking hands, slow breaths, etc from our main character. Perhaps a description of fear. Something to increase the tone would be nice is all I'm saying.

"They used batons, riot shields, tasers, whatever they could get their hands on but they could not bring down the Monk. His fists would shatter their bones through their Kevlar, his feet allowed him to float around them with ease, his endurance was unmatched, but most importantly his wish to kill the Commissar kept him focused. "
Look at all this exposition.

"The Commissar had ordered the execution of all monks who worshiped the Gods for in his eyes they were the only reminders of a free country filled with joy and culture. One by one the monasteries were destroyed with the monks that inhabited them. Those who had escaped were hunted down and returned to the capital for a public execution. The Commissar had succeeded in his plan in wiping out the peaceful monks but he had heard that there was one still alive at an old abandoned monastery in the mountains. His advisors would tell him to ignore the Monk as the public were told they were all gone and it would be a waste of time to go after one monk. The Commissar was too angry to listen to them; even one monk alive is an insult to him so he ordered a platoon of soldiers to follow him to the old monastery to capture the Monk. He wanted to drag his broken body in front of the masses and let them see what happens when you defy him."
And even more exposition.

Also, just a note. The term "the monk" shows up like 28 times, from what I gather, in the story. Could have counter wrong, but is narrating the character more important than describing the action? Do you think it adds to the tempo someone crushing bones? A flair to describing how he views someone? I don't.

Anyways, you get my point. This whole thing is written in a passive voice. And paragraphs do not emphasize some narrative structure. In paragraph 1 he beats up this guy. In the second he beats up this guy.

[KeithEBaucum]

You can make this into an action movie