A Knight Who Smelled of Ale

A traveling merchant is stopped by a band of angry customers. Who will save him?

It was a cool summer day out in the country, the road was clear, the trees were beautiful, and my wagon hasn’t fallen apart since we left the last town. The day was going swell for this merchant and nothing could ruin it. That is until I went further down the road and met a small group of individuals waiting at the crossing.

“Good morning good sirs and madam it is a wonderful day we are having is it not?”

“Aye, it is my merchant friend,” The Elven lady at the front of the group said with a smirk.

“Is there something wrong past this bridge that you fellows are so closely guarding?”

“No we were simply waiting for you to arrive.”

“Oh well that is odd I wasn’t told that anyone would be waiting for me at this crossing, “ I could feel a sweat starting to form as I finished those words.

“We wanted to surprise you my merchant friend. Don’t you recognize us from the tavern in Allenstown?”

Her blonde locks, her scar over her left eye, her towering height, even her intimidating beauty, these were indeed something I remembered. Back in Allenstown I was drinking at the tavern after a terrible day in the town. I couldn’t sell any of my wares at the market and my wagon fell apart but the local smith had too high of a price to fix it. As I was about to get up to go a room I rented upstairs I overheard a woman angrily screaming at a short man over their misplacement and loss of the group’s armor. Apparently the small fellow was supposed to look after their supplies while she and the rest of the group enjoyed their night at the pub but he fell asleep and a rival mercenary company stole their equipment. When I got off my stool and walked towards them I recognized the tall, blonde, scarred Elven woman as Eliza Hawk of the ruthless Merry Company. However despite being the terrifying leader of an infamous mercenary company, several merchants have told me she has terrible bartering skills and is easy manipulate. In a moment of brilliant stupidity I took the opportunity to convince her to buy my not so good wares at double the price.  It was enough to pay for the wagon repairs while leaving enough for almost anything. She seemed none the wiser about the true quality or the actual price and accepted my offer. A few days later I heard that the Merry Company lost a battle and suffered many casualties as a result of their equipment not being up to par. This gave me the idea of leaving town sooner than intended to avoid their wrath.

“Someone told me this road part of the route you usually take so I decided to wait here for you and not have to deal with the guards.” Her smirk turned into a scowl.

“Um well it is great to see you but I must really be going.”

Without hesitation the mercenaries swiftly drew the swords from their scabbards.  My horse was frightened by the mercenaries surrounding us and couldn’t move.

“Tell you what my merchant friend if you give us all your gold, your horse, and your wagon we shall give you a head start before we hunt you down like the sleazy dog you are.”

“How about we make a deal Eliza!? If you let me go I’ll tell my merchant friends to give you and your friends a very deep discount. They have much higher quality goods than mine that will surely make your campaigns much easier. You can keep the wagon but I need my horse to be able to make it to them easily.”

“I listened to you before and my men couldn’t slice breads with their swords nor withstand a hard wind with their armor. I think I changed my mind and kill you right here.”

They all started walking towards me ready to end my miserable life but on the bridge a man in armor on his horse stopped in his tracks. His plate armor shined under the sun and attracted the attention of the mercenaries stopping them from coming at me. He slowly continued toward us until he reached the mercenaries.

“Hello ser would you be so kind as to help me in my predicament? You look like a capable knight who could protect me from my demise at the hands of these blood thirsty mercenaries.”

It was then that the strong stench of ale hit me and it came from the knight. I was disgusted, there was no way a knight would be so inebriated while the realm is at war.

“As a knight it is my duty to help the defenseless no matter the reason, “  The Knight said as he carefully got off his horse.

“Ser are you alright? You smell of ale and you can barely stand straight!”

“You should run along now drunken knight it looks as if you’ll vomit in your shiny helmet if you move around too much.” Eliza seriousness cracked at the sight of the Knight.

“I apologize my lady but as an honor bound knight I must ask that you cease your atta-hiccup-ck on  the man’s life.”

“Men get his sorry arse out of my sight!”

The Knight grabbed his sword while still in its scabbard and whacked a charging mercenary. I was shocked that he did it so deftly without falling over. The other mercenaries continued to charge but the drunken Knight continued to beat them with his sheathed sword. It was as if he was dancing in how he avoided all their attacks and countered them with his own. He hiccupped. He burped; he even drunkenly yelled and cried about being abandoned by the love of his life. Honestly the fact that he can construct full coherent sentences in his state while fighting had me surprised. A few minutes later he had taken out every mercenary who had charged him without taking a single hit.

“You shouldn’t have done that you drunken fool! You will not leave this crossing alive for your foolishness!” Eliza had her greatsword in hand ready to duel.

“I’m sorry my lady but I have heard of your accolades, to fight you would almost certainly mean my demise. I only defended myself because your men had charged at me. I would’ve rather discuss this peace-hiccup-fully since my stomach is not feeling well.”

“My honor dictates I cut you down for attacking my company!”

“While I understand your situation please understand that that man you were about to butcher is the close cousin of the Trade Prince of Estochia. If you kill him the prince will send every soldier and mercenary he can find to hunt you down. While you are indeed a spectacular fighter you-hiccup- have lost quite a bit of manpower in your battle the other day so you won’t last long very long.”

“That’s impossible!? This imbecile wouldn’t need to be a merchant if he was close to someone like him.”

“Well you must not have heard of the tragic story between the two cousins then. The merchant heads of Estochia found out of their prince’s secret love affair with his cousin and threatened to replace him if he didn’t exile his cousin. Given that ultimatum he gave his love a horse and enough gold to start a new life before exiling him from the trade kingdom. With the skills he learned alongside the Trade Prince he built himself a new life as a traveling merchant making ends meet with shoddy wares he obtains from desperate smiths.” The knight said this so eloquently that a tear began to fall from Eliza’s eyes.

“I empathize with you my merchant friend; this story reminded me of when my family disowned me after finding out about my affair with an Orc warrior many years ago when I was a noble lady. Fine I will forget about this as long as the merchant stays away from me and my company.” She rallied her men and left without saying another word.

I was in disbelief of what had occurred. I still had my life, my wagon, my horse, and my gold all thanks to this drunken knight.

“Ser thank you so much for your heroism if not for you I would’ve definitely been food for the wolves! I must admit I didn’t think she would believe such an outrageous fabrication for she had just fallen for one days earlier.” Tears of joy were falling from my eyes.

“It was no problem citizen it was my honor to assist you without anyone suffering any losses. Peace is so hard to come by these days and we knights must do our best to help our world achieve it.”

The Knight got back on his horse and continued on his journey. I was in awe of this man who despite his state had stopped to help a fool like me. I decided then and there that I would sell everything to run an inn in a town I heard was for sale. It was more peaceful despite the occasional bar fight but no one was trying to kill me and I no longer traveled. Occasionally I would hear stories from travelers about a knight who smelled of ale saving them in a ridiculous fashion. These stories always made my days better knowing that that crazy drunken b*****d is still out there helping in any way he can.