Chapter 2

The best way to predict the future is to create it. -Peter F. Drucker

                                                                     *************

     It didn’t take long to get to school and it being September made my choice in outfit a little regrettable. This winter was going to be very cold. My legs were already dotted with bumps. I should’ve worn leggings. 

Standing in front of the school I felt my knees unbuckle beneath me and I was about to fall. The past two Summer months I hadn’t talked to anyone at all and I had a feeling the loneliness wouldn’t be cured with my friends. I completely dropped contact with them after the accident. 

Regaining my balance and walking into school and towards the locker number I had gotten in the mail I felt completely deserted. It was as if I was on another planet foreign to the world entirely. I felt even more lonely.

“Ava?” It was a small but recognizable voice. Slowly, with a hint of fear I turned around. Meredith stood behind me with an expression alike to mine worn. Surely enough, a blanket of awkwardness and tension filled the area around us. 

Kids who didn’t even know my situation stared at us, we were the power best friends ever since kindergarten and this reunion is not what they were used to. Usually we’d jump into each others’ arms and start talking about celebrity gossip and our family problems. 

We couldn’t do that now, though. She knew my secret, but not so big secret. If she knew, the news would be out soon enough. If there were one thing about Meredith it were that she couldn’t keep anything to herself. Like ever.

“I know you can’t talk but I just wanted to apologize. I should’ve taken control and visited you but I didn’t. I bet if I did you wouldn’t feel as lonely and would be talking to me right now.” She apologized. I shook my head, that wouldn’t be the case. If she had visited I would have felt even more lonely. I’d feel bad she also lost her second dad. 

Instead of answering on my whiteboard, she left before I got the chance. If I were myself, I would’ve chased after her. I would’ve ran down the halls in search of her. I wasn’t myself, though and if I were she wouldn’t be in tears on the bathroom floor right now.

I slammed my locker shut and looked at my schedule for the classroom numbers. Taking a deep breath I began walking to my homeroom. It wasn’t even a hour into school and I was exhausted. There was so much I wanted to say but something wouldn’t let me. It was like I couldn’t anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was actually physically mute. I didn’t have the strength to talk anymore. 

I quietly walked into the classroom taking a seat in the back. I hoped nobody would talk to me. I didn’t want them to think I was ignoring the world, that I was ignoring them. That’s one thing I didn’t want was to ignore everyone. I wanted to take part in everything, just in a quieter way. Without words. It would be a risk and a challenge in this world.

“So, we don’t all know each other so we have twenty minutes to get to know everyone. To do this we’re all going to go around in a circle and share what we have to say about ourselves.” Mrs. Handfield, our biology teacher informed us. 

Students in the classroom shuffled to the center of the classroom where desks were cleared out of the way. Some kids laughed because it felt like we were in grade school again. I couldn’t help but let a small giggle pass my cherry pink lips.

I readied my hands getting ready for my sign language I had learned. I was still a bit shaky with it but I was a quick learner. It was a hobby of mine now to practice speaking with my hands. To me, it was fun.

We started with Michael who would be the head of the football team next year, it only being junior year for us. He told us how he planned on getting the team to states and how he wanted a scholarship to go and become a surgeon. In my opinion, he deserved it. Mike was actually a good guy. It was a surprise compared to his team mates.

About five students introduced themselves before it came to me. I held out my hands a began the motions putting my hand to my neck and twisting signing mute. I placed my hand to my lips signing, ‘fall silent’ and then put my thumb to the left side of my forehead and stretching out my hands wiggling my fingers. I signed, ‘father’ and then laid my hands flat in the air and flipped them over towards the left signing, ‘dead.’ 

It was shocking the students around me as I did this. Nobody could understand what I was saying. That was until I noticed a boy in the hallway. He nodded at me and instead of giving me a questioning glance.

Instead, he pointed to himself signaling ‘I’ and then pointed to his head, closed in both of his fingers together and then fanned them out, ‘understand’. I had just had my first real conversation. I began to wonder who the guy was. 

Mrs. Handfield looked at me and nodded. The principal must have informed her of the ‘state I was in’ and how I was ‘unstable’. Or maybe he even told her it was ‘an issue being resolved’.

Mrs. Handfield nodded her head and then gestured for the next person to continue. She didn’t even give me another chance to explain my story. She didn’t let me grab my whiteboard and she didn’t explain for me. 

I didn’t expect special attention, and I didn’t want it. I didn’t expect someone to try non-stop to get me to speak and I didn’t want that either. I just wanted to be left alone.

However, I didn’t want my voice to leave without explanation. I wasn’t leaving the people I loved, I was leaving a part of me somewhere unknown in a land I didn’t even recognize. Maybe one day someone would lead me to that place but until then I don’t want to hurt others. I don’t want to be the rain to their storm or the storm at all. 

Standing up we all began to file out of the classroom me along with them. My messenger bag with the books I would need bounced with each of my steps. Like usual I began to walk quickly and slid gracefully in my flats smiling. It drew attention like always but thats not what I wanted. I liked the feeling of the world holding me up as I slipped. I knew it would be there to greet me if something went wrong. I was glad to know someone would be there to have my back. They couldn’t leave, not like my dad.

“Owww!” The word was common when being attacked or hit and as my body slammed into another it was more than expected to be heard. 

Quickly I picked up the other person’s books along with mine and stood up. With a free hand I signed, ‘sorry’ without even thinking. It was becoming a habit when doing it for my mother who had already memorized most of the signs I would make. 

When I looked up from my moving hand and came to face the stranger I was beyond shocked. Not only because did he reply that it was okay but he also was the guy from earlier from outside the classroom. He seemed just as surprised to see me, apparently, because his eyes widened. 

        However, one thought was running through my head. Not that he was intellegiant because he could use sign language. Not that he wasn't observant because he bumped directly into me. I was thinking about how wonderful he could make me feel. Yes, I was thinking that. I was thinking that he could be the one that just maybe could save me from my loneliness.