Broken

The tears I've shed could fill an ocean, my deep sighs could lift a hot air balloon.
Give me enough time and I'll put into motion; my mind and energy will rise again soon.

To you I say it's all your fault, but to me I say the same.
If only there were some way, any way to remove the blame.

The famous line, "We'll still be friends" is overly unsatisfying, yet anything more or less wouldn't be worth trying.

I dread the next time I'll see your face, which will bring me further into this dark place.

Yet I'm hoping over time, I'll be able to again write a happy rhyme.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

They say time heals all, but what happens when you don't have time to allow two people to grow apart? I've never really considered this question until I read this poem. It provoked some thoughts in my mind. The feelings expressed in this poem are so casual, but it really got to me. There is just something special about it. It really pulled me in and made me emotionally invested in the thoughts. The words leap off the page as if the reader is being spoken to.
The words are of a person who needs comfort, but there seems to be a gentle strength here.

[light and ashes]

I agree there is a gentle strength to this poem. This is a very nice poem. You describe your hurt in a subtle way in this, suppressing it a little I think as if to try to keep yourself from completely giving into it and to remind yourself that everything is going to get better soon to get yourself through this rough time.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I enjoyed this thanks for sharing :D

[Thomas Fleet]

It's genius. Ha!
I adore the rhyme...and especially the first stanza.
Just wow. I think I'm going to read it a couple more times. :P

[Abhinav]

This was really good!
I also loved the rhyme scheme....great job...

[St.Jimmy]

this is really awesome i m glad to read the flow
'we'll still be friends''is really an unsatisfying line
good job!

[Céce]

Gorgeous poem, and yet sad.
So so true. I adore this and especially the form in which you wrote it. :D

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad poem. We must learn to get up from disappointments and be wiser. Could feel the sadness and the strength in the poem. I like the ending. We must stay hopeful. A excellent poem.

[snapstache]

This is really good!
Keep writing!
*.*

[Nickle]

hmmm...i rlly enjoyed the emotions u conveyed in this poem...it felt like this person somewhat mourned over her loss and was struggling to get over that person...i can sense the bittersweetness of it and it flowed nicely...i think the only thing i can give advice on is the way you formatted it...maybe instead of leaving it as one long sentence, you can cut the sentence off and make 2 sentence stanzas like this...


The tears I've shed could fill an ocean,
My deep sighs could lift a hot air balloon.

Give me enough time and I'll put into motion;
My mind and energy will rise again soon.

To you I say it's all your fault,
But to me I say the same.

If only there were some way,
Any way to remove the blame.

The famous line, "We'll still be friends" is overly unsatisfying,
Yet anything more or less wouldn't be worth trying.

I dread the next time I'll see your face,
Which will bring me further into this dark place.

Yet I'm hoping over time,
I'll be able to again write a happy rhyme.

i think organizing it like this makes the reading more smooth but its just a thought but i enjoyed reading it :)