Broken

Broken

A Poem by Rachael

The tears I've shed could fill an ocean, my deep sighs could lift a hot air balloon.
Give me enough time and I'll put into motion; my mind and energy will rise again soon.

To you I say it's all your fault, but to me I say the same.
If only there were some way, any way to remove the blame.

The famous line, "We'll still be friends" is overly unsatisfying, yet anything more or less wouldn't be worth trying.

I dread the next time I'll see your face, which will bring me further into this dark place.

Yet I'm hoping over time, I'll be able to again write a happy rhyme.

© 2010 Rachael


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They say time heals all, but what happens when you don't have time to allow two people to grow apart? I've never really considered this question until I read this poem. It provoked some thoughts in my mind. The feelings expressed in this poem are so casual, but it really got to me. There is just something special about it. It really pulled me in and made me emotionally invested in the thoughts. The words leap off the page as if the reader is being spoken to.
The words are of a person who needs comfort, but there seems to be a gentle strength here.

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I agree there is a gentle strength to this poem. This is a very nice poem. You describe your hurt in a subtle way in this, suppressing it a little I think as if to try to keep yourself from completely giving into it and to remind yourself that everything is going to get better soon to get yourself through this rough time.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I enjoyed this thanks for sharing :D

Posted 14 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's genius. Ha!
I adore the rhyme...and especially the first stanza.
Just wow. I think I'm going to read it a couple more times. :P


Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was really good!
I also loved the rhyme scheme....great job...

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is really awesome i m glad to read the flow
'we'll still be friends''is really an unsatisfying line
good job!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Gorgeous poem, and yet sad.
So so true. I adore this and especially the form in which you wrote it. :D

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A sad poem. We must learn to get up from disappointments and be wiser. Could feel the sadness and the strength in the poem. I like the ending. We must stay hopeful. A excellent poem.


Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is really good!
Keep writing!
*.*

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hmmm...i rlly enjoyed the emotions u conveyed in this poem...it felt like this person somewhat mourned over her loss and was struggling to get over that person...i can sense the bittersweetness of it and it flowed nicely...i think the only thing i can give advice on is the way you formatted it...maybe instead of leaving it as one long sentence, you can cut the sentence off and make 2 sentence stanzas like this...


The tears I've shed could fill an ocean,
My deep sighs could lift a hot air balloon.

Give me enough time and I'll put into motion;
My mind and energy will rise again soon.

To you I say it's all your fault,
But to me I say the same.

If only there were some way,
Any way to remove the blame.

The famous line, "We'll still be friends" is overly unsatisfying,
Yet anything more or less wouldn't be worth trying.

I dread the next time I'll see your face,
Which will bring me further into this dark place.

Yet I'm hoping over time,
I'll be able to again write a happy rhyme.

i think organizing it like this makes the reading more smooth but its just a thought but i enjoyed reading it :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 6, 2010
Last Updated on February 15, 2010

Author

Rachael
Rachael

PA



About
"Life happens. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But you never truly know which one until it's all over." Hey, I'm Rachael. I'm 18 years old. I love playing softball, which consu.. more..

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