Gone

My friend Meagan wrote this. I'm posting it here for her so she can get feedback. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

It took me months to get every detail,
From the little significant swirls,
to the perfection in tints of color.
Everything was wonderfully flawless.

Everyday I spent my time on this painting,
Becoming memorized by my art
was developing into a constant, a need.
My version of weed.

Until one day I viewed it at another angle.
There were smudge marks everywhere,
Holes from distress all over the place
And I established a hate for it.

So I shoved it into my dark closet,
Hiding the disappointment in a place unseen.
Because all I could see now was shame,
confusion and dissatisfaction.

But every time I brushed a stroke on new canvas,
I thought of my last piece.
The swirls of great contrast couldn’t be compared
To the crumby new scratch of nothing.

So I would take out my previous creation
And analyze it over and over again.
Until I hoped to get an epiphany
on why this work became… not me.

Was it the brushes I used?
Or the thin lines etched in the corner?
Either way it was a complicated masterpiece,
And I didn’t know how to fix it.

So it will now lie in my closet.
It now will never be thought about again.

Even though I knew, if I just tried harder,
it would have been my masterpiece.

Author's Note

reviews please =] and thank you

Reviews

[R.W. Blue]

At first, I really couldn't understand what the heck I was reading. The second paragraph threw me off with that example of weed, since I couldn't tell if you meant the weed as in annoying plant in your garden, or the drug. After reading it several times though, I guess one could say you meant the drug, with your tone of obsession and hate aimed towards the painting. But with reading this several times, I caught something that one wouldn't catch with one read: weakness. The poem as a whole is somewhat weak and unstable. It's dark, that's for sure, but the whole description of the painting just doesn't fit. Yeah, it was addicting, but why so? Paintings in general are never perfect, so why did the particular errors cause you to hate it? If it was a masterpiece, as said in paragraph seven, why did you hate it? Why did you hide it? One would think someone would want to show their failure in order to have something that pushes them to get better. Besides the flaky structure, the words need to be chosen better. Each word should be chosen carefully, and not one single word or syllable should be wasted. Language can be dangerous or full of hope. And in the end, is it not the words that create the poem?
Those are just my thoughts, though. Hope I wasn't too harsh, but I just give criticism to those who want it in order to get better.

[E.J. Wallace]

Great poem. I think this a good description of how many writers feel, as well as other artists, about their work. Keep up the good work!

[Krissy]

I'm really feeling this! It's like "If only I had tried a little harder, said some words that were never heard," then all of this pain could have been avoided. And the "high" you get from creating your art rather than destroying yourself with drugs is truly symbolic. Keep writing' I'll be reading the rest of your stuff as well )

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This story is great. I love the intensity of the fear.
Sometimes a mistake can overshadow the rest of our
lives. Very nice.

[nostal]

This is sort of inspiring.
I love to paint. And sketch.
Sometimes this happens to me.

[Khaaki]

good one...

[JohnnyB]

I like this. I go through those emotions with almost everything I write. The imagery I got from your use of "weed" was that your "high" comes from creating your art rather than drugs. Okay, I have to ask this: When you use the word "memorized" did you mean to use "memorialized" or "mesmerized" ? Both of those words would be a better fit IMHO. A very enjoyable read. Keep writing and painting!

[An owl on the moon]

Such a beautifully moving write, full of the color and vividness of life... what we create... who we are... so much depth in these words and the emotion fills each line. Wonderfully done...

[Deepshikha]

OH. MAH. GOD.

...let's get serious now.
Your analogy, of a weed, is quite entertaining, and it really drew me into the poem. I mean, something that you spend so much time on, a weed? Something unwanted? Then I thought, maybe she means like, a dandelion...that's a weed, isn't it? A very pretty weed, but one nonetheless.
Your diction perfectly conveys that angst that anyone feels when making a piece of art...man, I go through it waay too many times, especially with writing.
And it's forgotten, but not...quite...yet.
BRILLIANT!BRILLIANT!BRILLIANT!

[raining]

We all, those of us who keep painting/writing/singing/dancing must recover ourselves somehow, this is a very good poem.

perception...will art ever become pure perception, or will we keep trying to find either the depths or the surface of ourselves.