The Disappearings of the Aresic's family

Ben arrives home from school every day to find his five brothers, his two sister, and his parents inside or out playing games, making noise, and having fun. What happens if no one is there?

            My mom works at a hospital near my school and comes by after school to pick up Rob, my seven year old brother, Ben, my thirteen year old brother, Emily, my twelve year old sister, Billy, My eleven year old brother, and Antheri, my other seven year old brother.
            My dad works at the high school and picks up Sebian, my seventeen year old twin brother, and Seritha, my sixteen year old sister. He always insists on giving me a ride but I just like to walk. My grades are always good and I never get in trouble in school.
          
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             Naliota Aresic                           1X 75%                                       May 16, 2006

    1. False True
    2. True
    3. False
    4. False
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 'That was the lowest grade I've ever gotten' I think to myself as Mrs. Boolik, my english teacher, hands back the short quiz on Where the Red Fern Grows. I cant believe it. I glance at the clock and hear "DING DING DING DING"  Mrs. Boolik says "Okay class please answer the questions on page thirty-five in your vocab book. Have a great weekend everyone!"
           I exit the class and head for my locker, I turn the lock to 10-23-09. I open the locker throw my vocab book in my bag along with my math book and science book. I grab my bag and head for the door, on my way a friend of mine Pan stops me and asks if he could come over to my house over the weekend I say "Yeah no problem, you have my number right?"
          "Yeah okay I'll call" he says.
          When I get outside I put my iPod in and listen to Journey and The Beatles all the way home. My house is light green, has three visible floors, a basement, and a huge yard. We live near no one and about half way through our yard is our tool shed. I walk into the kitchen grab a pop-tart and head for the living room with a...
          Wait no noise, no music, no TV on, and no PS3 on. I yell "Hello?" No answer. I walk outback and see no one. I go upstairs and search every room, "No one? But both the cars were in the driveway, where could they all have gone?" I think to myself.
          After a while of wondering, searching, and calling their phones just to hear the ringing coming from inside, I give up and decide that they must have taken a walk or something. So I make some pop-corn, lay down, and watch The Simpsons.
           After about fifteen minutes of TV I hear a loud thumping noise from upstairs. I head that way and the noise stops. I start up the stairs and by the time I reach where I thought the noise was from I was standing outside of Sebian's room. I open the door and I see no one. I return to my comfortable position on the couch and about an hour later I hear something from outside. I quickly run to the door, swing it open, and look around. The only thing I see that's the least bit odd is tool shed door is wide open. I run into the kitchen grab a hand cloth and a kitchen knife, I wrap the knife in the hand cloth and squeeze it into my shoe (just in case). Next I head outside and run to the tool shed. By the time I get there the door is tightly closed I try to open the door but it seems to be locked.
             When I return to the house I realize something's different, I look around and see, well I don't see anything, wait there's no furniture, no appliances, no electronics, not a single thing in my house. How could this have happened? What about the tool shed door, it doesn't even have a lock? What could be happening? So many questions flooding my head. I didn't understand anything. I hear someone walking down the stairs I was so scared I couldn't get my body to move. I hear the man walking into the kitchen and then the hall. Then, a man in a ski mask with some design on it of a skull, a hoodie, jeans, gloves, and steel-toed boots walks into the room I'm in I quickly open the back door and run.
               I look back to see where he was and he was gone. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was in there somewhere. I reach the tool shed and the door still seems like it's locked. I pick up a hoe laying on the ground and strike the door several times as hard as I can. I realize I was getting nowhere, so I went to the window and hit it, I drop the hoe and grab a small pickax. I run back and I'm almost there when I trip, the pickax flies out of my hand and it injected itself and a whole load of pain into my arm, my arm was restrained to the ground and the pain filled my whole body, I scream so loud it seemed to have shaken the ground.
               I had only one option I had to pull the pickax out of my arm, I look at it and the wound had rust on the sides and the pickax sticking right out of a large pool of blood. I grab the handle and try to pull, I realize that if I keep this up it'll hurt so much more so I grab the other blade and pull, my hand bleeds as I do this, then the pickax finally comes out. Then I rip a piece off the bottom of my jeans and tightly tie it around my shoulder to stop the bleeding in my arm, I think I can deal with the hand.
               I head back to the house. When I reach the back door I fling it open and look back, the pickax lays in a pool of blood halfway down the yard. When I get inside (without going back for my only weapon) I see the man in the kitchen. I see him slowly walk toward me, I back away, my back hits the wall an I realize I'm in corner, he's coming close, and I'm trapped without a weapon. He grabs a machete from a sleath on his side, I cringe into the little corner and feel something in my shoe, I reach and grab it. YES MY KNIFE!! There it was the whole time in my shoe, I hold it by the blade and throw it as it hits his face, my eye sight gets blurry and I get dizzy. "It must be from the rust" I think then my body flips over and I lie there on the ground of my living room with all the furniture, no knife no blood, just all my sibling. In time this will all be a mystery even to me.       

Reviews

[Gianna Perry]

This is really great, February! :) (Your name makes me smile.) The cliffhanger ending is a great mechanism to draw the reader in and keep them where you want them. Good technique, well used here. Let me say that I laughed extremely hard when I read the English teacher's name, because in my head I said it as 'Book Lick'. Picturing a woman licking a book... it was too much :)

Overall, really great! I love it, so please continue it!

[Kirbetsy]

I like it the ending is very mysterious I also like the weird names

[Alex Thomas]

Really intense. I like the present tense. It makes you feel like you're there. You broke focus a few times and switched to past tense once or twice. Very vivid description of the pain the narrator experiences. Mystifying ending. An excellent read.

[Kasey Jones]

I like how you wrote his train of thought. It adds lots of detail so you feel like you're right there. This was a really tense story. Great job!