A Prayer To God - Suicide 2012

The things going through my head in 2012 - Suicide was on my mind a lot.

Can I commit suicide?
Would you care if I died!

I could hang myself, my air supply cut and all my weight on my neck,
I’ll go blue and green, start looking like Shrek.

What about an overdose of anti depressants?
Seems reasonable really, self titled, it makes sense!

Jump off a bridge, but be sure I go really high,
I don’t want to break my spine and live, so I’d have to make sure I would definitely die!

Do I do something to make a point, something to get me in the media, my 15 minutes of fame,
You’d be lucky if it got in the news, and even luckier if they mentioned your name

Do i do it because of someone?
I’ve got reasons to really hate them, they have ruined my life, but I know if I do this, they will have won.

A Bullet through the head?
it’s so hard to get one in the UK but it’s the quickest way, I could use my Grandads shotgun this would guarantee I’d be dead.

I want to end my life, I have good reasons, its the last option, everything else I’ve tried,
I want people to remember that I tried my best before I died!

Pain, anxiety, fear, depression, voices, demons, I’m hurting the people I love every day even though I’m doing my best!
Do I use a Suicide vest?

I could never take other Innocent people down with me, it's not fair,
sometimes it can be triggered by others but they didn’t cause me this permanent pain that you can’t bare.

The time has come for me to say, you have tested me to my limit?
Are you going to let me commit it?


Written In 2012 Today’s Date 14-12-19

I’m so glad He didn’t let me commit suicide,
I would have missed out on so much, watching my two children grow up, Thank God I didn’t succeed, Thank God my wife found me every time I tried.

Author's Note

I’ve edited this for grammar, the original was just cobbled together on a night where Suicide was on my mind, however I can’t have been too bad as I wrote it down.