Without you here

A poem I wrote for closure. I followed no rhyme scheme, the flow is quite off, but I hope that some of you can relate.

She was adorable from afar, a true beauty.
I was bashful, knowingly undeserving.
Her glance gave me a feeling of warmth,
a heavenly feeling of comfort.

My attraction was uncommon,
for my intentions were of love.
I dreamdt of spending countless hours,
holding her in my arms.

Days passed, yet I still too shy to speak.
She became my only thought.
She came to mind on the slightest actions,
For the fear of never holding her became strong.

I had never loved, never been loved,
for I was quite far from handsome.
Yet something deep inside was telling me,
I was sure I found the one.

I sketched your portrait, every day,
for you never left my mind.
The walls were filled with those portraits,
so much as if it were in motion.

As months passed, my courage built.
I had planned this day in depth.
Everything according to plan,
I approached you with my heart on my sleeve.

In an uncaring voice,
you ripped my sleeve.
You shattered my heart,
you left me in awe.

Still I came home to your pictures on the wall,
my feelings unchanged.
What could have been, will never be;
the thought was unacceptable.

I hope one day you read this,
so you will know it's you i truly love.
One day you will read this,
and know I'm still right here waiting.

I took your pictures off my wall,
and put one in my pocket.
I grabbed my bottle, cigarette in hand,
and set out in the rain.

The ocean wasn't far, my final destination.
My cigarette didn't stay lit very long,
so I took a swill of whiskey.
I see the beach, I'm drawing near.

I drank down the last swallow,
and removed your picture from my pocket.
That picture was all I needed,
but without you here, I found no point in going on.

My tears, the rain, the picture was distorted.
I throw it in the lake and say my last prayer.
Without you here I am nothing,
so I set myself out to sea.
 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. I realize the issues with flow and rhythm and had no intention of writing this too seriously.

Reviews

[Rebecca Isherwood]

Wow, that's a lot of emotion to base off of one experience.
Closure is hard to grasp, I wrote something similar to this where instead of setting out to sea I plunged a knife into my heart to make the hurting cease.
I have no issue with the flow and rhyme, it's clearly a free style write. I like the imagery involved with the drawings too, it's a great way to explain it.

[Hedra Helix]

this part was esp dope,

" took your pictures off my wall,
and put one in my pocket.
I grabbed my bottle, cigarette in hand,
and set out in the rain.
The ocean wasn't far, my final destination.
My cigarette didn't stay lit very long,"

you're centered there, your reader inside you, living that.
otherwise watch tenses. what you share comes across with energy, give it the clean read it deserves;)

[Jazzy]

you are a great poet. even though you had no intention of writing this too seriously, it was very serious. most everyone has gone through feelings like this and try as we might we usually can't get over them. this is a great poem and it reflects both your emotions and ours. Thanks for writing it!!!

[Phibby Venable]

there is nothing like the pain of lost love or love that is not returned...there are so many
reasons why things do not work out, often they have nothing to do with the person in love.
wonderful images and flow to this. very passionate and fine.