Without you here

A poem I wrote for closure. I followed no rhyme scheme, the flow is quite off, but I hope that some of you can relate.

She was adorable from afar, a true beauty.
I was bashful, knowingly undeserving.
Her glance gave me a feeling of warmth,
a heavenly feeling of comfort.

My attraction was uncommon,
for my intentions were of love.
I dreamdt of spending countless hours,
holding her in my arms.

Days passed, yet I still too shy to speak.
She became my only thought.
She came to mind on the slightest actions,
For the fear of never holding her became strong.

I had never loved, never been loved,
for I was quite far from handsome.
Yet something deep inside was telling me,
I was sure I found the one.

I sketched your portrait, every day,
for you never left my mind.
The walls were filled with those portraits,
so much as if it were in motion.

As months passed, my courage built.
I had planned this day in depth.
Everything according to plan,
I approached you with my heart on my sleeve.

In an uncaring voice,
you ripped my sleeve.
You shattered my heart,
you left me in awe.

Still I came home to your pictures on the wall,
my feelings unchanged.
What could have been, will never be;
the thought was unacceptable.

I hope one day you read this,
so you will know it's you i truly love.
One day you will read this,
and know I'm still right here waiting.

I took your pictures off my wall,
and put one in my pocket.
I grabbed my bottle, cigarette in hand,
and set out in the rain.

The ocean wasn't far, my final destination.
My cigarette didn't stay lit very long,
so I took a swill of whiskey.
I see the beach, I'm drawing near.

I drank down the last swallow,
and removed your picture from my pocket.
That picture was all I needed,
but without you here, I found no point in going on.

My tears, the rain, the picture was distorted.
I throw it in the lake and say my last prayer.
Without you here I am nothing,
so I set myself out to sea.
 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. I realize the issues with flow and rhythm and had no intention of writing this too seriously.

Reviews

[Rebecca Isherwood]

Wow, that's a lot of emotion to base off of one experience.
Closure is hard to grasp, I wrote something similar to this where instead of setting out to sea I plunged a knife into my heart to make the hurting cease.
I have no issue with the flow and rhyme, it's clearly a free style write. I like the imagery involved with the drawings too, it's a great way to explain it.

[wolfshrew]

flow and rhythm are pointless anyway.

[hola amigo's/amiga's]

I really loved this and i understood it too but i like it because i like u lot no matter what it says or is ok I luv u alot so please write back thanks.

[Fran Marie]

A lot of intense emotions spill forth in this descriptive

very well crafted and deeply Expressed piece

Fran Marie

[It'sLexiB47]

even though you didnt take this writing very seriously you expressed the deepest amount of emotion i have seen in a while. And because you didnt take it seriously you were able to pour your heart out and i definatly felt the feeling in this poem. It touched my heart and I have felt this way before and this poem brought back so many memories
This was a very great write and I can't wait to read the next
Good job =]

[Changed to a New Accoun..]

wow this was amazing ^.^
alot of great emotions in this and very relateable... nice job

[PoetPam]

This is another great example of how you don't always have to try to make some of the best poems.

[MissDragon]

I don't even know where to begin.
I can relate and understand.
I felt the emotion that you put into it.

[Sabine]

so I set myself out to sea.

Above is your final line. The tale in the telling sets you free. Sweet. *S

[hey]

this is really raw, and beautiful
the process of getting closure is painful but i understand this perfectly
i really like the second stanza
this doesn't need rhyme because its serious
it works well just like this and the flow is perfect too
good job :)

[Greg Skura]

Thank You for sharing! i enjoyed your poem it is very heart felt and demonstrates how we can create something that isn't there for the other party involved in our minds creation. Well done !!!!