Angelic, she Was

a poem describing the harsh reality of being a good person in such a cruel world as ours

 

Angelic, she was, a celestial being.

A horrific slaughter, nothing worth seeing.

She closed her eyes in panic,

Hoping to drown the proceeding.

With a knife to her throat, the intention of harm,

She lay there in fear, in total alarm.

A whip to her face and a squeeze of her breast,

The assassin left her completely disarmed.

With blood on her face, tears in her eyes,

Here lays a young girl, awaiting demise.

Desperate, she begs, Distressed she cries,

With a whip of a knife, the end of her world,

a young girl lay bleeding, screaming, then dies

 

Angelic she Was

 

 

Author's Note

One of my first serious poems. Pretty much any feedback would be helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read!

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

neat concept, yeah the world is tilty wicked indeed to the open and unshielded. sad.

as far as the writing, good sense of rhyme, great catches

"She lay there in fear, in total alarm.

A whip to her face and a squeeze of her breast,

The assassin left her completely disarmed.

[hola amigo's/amiga's]

I really loved tis, this is goood and lovely just like u r I loved it just like i luv u alot write something about me please thanks ato i luv u.

[deeps]

Wow! This is so wonderful. I like this.
A powerful write here.

[PoetPam]

beautiful write indeed!
so depressing, but yet so beautiful!

[It'sLexiB47]

i really like how can speak reality in your writing
i wish i could capture the cruelness of reality in the beautiful way you do
i hope to learn from your writing

[Jay Jay]

i really loved this, its a really powerful read. I had to rad it twice. amazing job.

[Bella]

I really liked this. It was so sad and emotional. I really could relate to it, because there have been far too many times when I wanted to do exactly what the girl depicted in this poem did.
You have such talent when it comes to writing. Great job!

[kickstart gal]

Intense. The imagery is good, although I think your desire to keep such a tight rhyme actually detracts from the gravity of the poem. Not everyone can be Poe and make good rhymes about death (a talent that SHOULD be shared by only few, I think). The overall tone of the poem is great, though. You should keep expanding your imagery in this.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is so deep and thoughtful!
The imagery is just brilliant...
I also loved the closing lines the most, they concluded the entire poem so beautifully

[Changed to a New Accoun..]

this was amazing... very easy to relate to .... it sounds a lot like me

[BeautifulDisaster]

Wow. that was intense, but it can happen.
It is sad that there is sick people out there in this world of ours.
But anyways that is a good piece of writing.
Good job. I can't wait to read more of your writing.