WHY YOU WILL NEVER BE THE FIRST TO BOARD THE PLANE

The absurdity from past travels.

WHY YOU WILL NEVER BE THE FIRST TO BOARD THE PLANE

The order of boarding a commercial aircraft has evolved into a high art that would astound the most caste conscious Brahmans and impress even the snootiest of protocol counselors at the Court of Louis the XVI.  With the merger of American and USAir and United, and Continental, boarding priorities have refined and consolidated. Here’s the transcript of recent boarding announcement for a flight I took.

At this time, we’d like to announce the pre-boarding* of the following:

• Galactic-Triple-Titanium-Stratosphere-Billion-Miler-Club members
• Uniformed members of the armed forces with two or more infants requiring assistance
• Sub-Elite-Million-Mile-Pilots’-Club members with oak leaf clusters
• Uniformed members of the armed forces with one uniformed toddler
• Senior citizens with Junior Executive Extra Lucky Double Bronze miles
• Seniors requiring life support
• Titled nobility
• Nobel Laureates and French Existential Playwrights

• Families of ten or more requiring heavy sedation
• Zone 5
• American Girl Visa card holders (ruby or emerald level)
• Pewter level Avis club members
• Kenny Rodgers Roasters “Lots of Cluck” meal card holders
• Steerage plus

At this time we’d like to begin our general boarding with passengers seated in:

• Zone 9
• All other zones may now board.

We know you have a choice when flying so thanks for flying with USAmerTedNental.

*Pre-boarding is a made-up term devised by cynical airline executives who would have you believe that no boarding is actually taking place.

Author's Note

for fun (doesn't WC offer more types of writing--this isn't really a story)

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

I laughed my a*s off. Well done.

[rutherford]

Thanks Delmar. Glad I could entertain.

[Marie]

Very interesting...funny...
This is more of an article...and yet it's not even that. I wouldn't know what to call it.

[rutherford]

Thank you Marie. I like to write short parodies and there's no WC category for such things. Thanks for reading and glad you found it entertaining.

[Laminators Dubai]

this caught me too...some more type of writings will be helpful...and its a different read...but in good
thanks for sharing ^^